“George,” she said, her voice shaking. “Why did you decide to marry my sister?”
That should have felt like a change of subject, but they both knew it wasn’t. He had the explanations to why, but he had no idea how she’d guessed. How she’d probed into the heart of him and plucked out a bitter truth with such little effort.
He turned his head so she’d no longer be able to delve so deeply into his soul. He needed the lie now, at least to attempt it. “It was time and?—”
She moved closer. “No. You didn’t choose her. It’s clear you didn’t.”
He sucked in a few heavy breaths. “I implore you, Lily, don’t ask these questions. I cannot do this.”
There was a brief knife’s edge of time when he didn’t know if she would retreat or advance. When he hoped and wasn’t certain what outcome he hoped for. Then she moved forward once more and took his hand and he knew.
He wanted to tell her.
Her fingers were warm on his, gentle as she lifted his hand and kissed his knuckles. “Why, George? Why do this? And why so rushed when there seems to be no pleasure to be found for either party?”
His stomach turned and the only thing keeping him grounded was her touch. He gripped her hand tighter and met her eyes, knowing his looked as wild as he felt inside as the truth threatened to hatch like some hideous beast from an egg. If he let it loose it would rampage.
And yet he could no longer hold it in.
“Because…because my mother…my mother is sick,” he whispered, and the tears began to sting his eyes. “Because she’s dying, Lily. And all she wants is to see me settled before that day comes.”
CHAPTER14
It was odd how saying those words out loud created two instant reaction reactions in George. The first was horror. He had set the truth free, put it on the wind and made it real in a way he’d been trying to suppress.
But there was also relief. Since his mother had told him of her illness months ago, since she’d pleaded with him to marry so that she would know he was settled, he had carried that secret. It was theirs, his and his mother’s, and yet it was his weight, pressing down on his shoulders.
“Oh, Lockhart, I’m so sorry.” Lily cupped both of his cheeks gently, bringing him back to this moment, this reality. She wiped one of his tears away with her thumb as she gazed up into him and somehow made it all…better, for the first time in months. He wanted more of that, foolish and selfish as that desire was.
“She told me right around the time Clarissa and Kirkwood wed,” he continued, his voice rough in the quiet. “The doctor told her there was nothing to do, that there was no guessing how much time she has left, but it cannot be long.”
Because she had already told him she’d lost her mother, he saw the understanding her gaze. “But your cousin and your father don’t seem to know about this?” she said softly.
“She didn’t want to mar Clarissa’s happiness after so many years of struggle. And as for my father…” He shook his head. “I think she fears it being proven that he doesn’t care.”
“Because of their past. Because of his infidelities.”
He nodded. “Even though it’s been years.”
“Doyou think he cares?” she asked.
He hesitated. “I do. In so much as he can.”
“I know their relationship has been fraught, though he seems attentive to her now.”
He pressed his lips together. “Yes,” he admitted slowly. “I see that too. A few years ago they seemed to come to an accord of sorts. It’s…hard for me to accept it after everything else. It must be for her, too.”
She nodded slowly. “I can understand that fear on her part.”
He knew she did. God, she understood all of this and it suddenly felt like he had an ally to roll this terrible weight up the hill.
“When she told me, I was shocked. Heartbroken.” His voice broke and he swallowed. “I asked her what I could do, how I could ease her pain. She said that she wished to see me wed. Settled like my friends all were.”
“But why not court your own lady?” Lily asked. “Find someone you had a connection to.”
“I was so rocked by her news, I couldn’t picture pursuing someone like that. She suggested that she might find me an arrangement. She had a list of potentials, just three names. Two I knew and had no interest in, and that left Alice. Who is kind and lovely and everything Ishouldwant.”
“But you don’t,” she said softly. “Even before me.”
