He shut his eyes. He wanted to tell her everything in his heart in that moment. He wanted to tell her that he would never love the someone else she wanted to be as much as he loved her. That he would burn the world down for her smile, that he would bleed to save her from everyone who hurt her, even herself.
He wanted to throw himself on the fire of her and let himself burn. But this moment was about her feelings, not his. So he didn’t do any of that. Instead he stepped closer, took the hands she’d dropped and lifted them up. He kissed each one gently.
“Jane Kendall, I’m glad you’re you. Now, is there anything else you need to rage at?”
She laughed, but there was no pleasure to it. “I could rage at the world, but…not tonight. Doing that helped, just saying it helped.”
“Sometimes you need to relieve some of the pressure.” He motioned to the bed. “Are you ready?”
“After everything you could still…still want me?”
He started. “Of course I want you, Jane. There’s nothing that could ever make me stop wanting you. But that wasn’t what I had in mind. You’re exhausted. And I think rest might be best for you. Especially since we’ll ride hard to London tomorrow and go straight to Esme and Delacourt to see what they can tell us about this Hugo person.”
She nodded and he could see the exhaustion line her face. She’d been trying to hide it from him. Old habit, he supposed, but God, how he wished she didn’t feel she had to mask her true self even for a moment.
“Will you…will you stay with me?” she asked. “If you don’t want to, I understand.”
He caught her by the waist and drew her to him. She was soft in his arms, her bare skin warm against his. He held her close and reveled in the feel of her. “All I want in the world is to stay with you, Jane. Tonight. Tomorrow. Until you tire of me.”
She buried her head against his chest with a shaky sigh and didn’t resist when he moved her to the bed. She got into place and watched him as he blew out candles around the room. When he joined her, she tucked herself against him. He held her close, smoothing her hair until she drifted off to sleep.
And in the dark, in the quiet, he wondered if he would be able to truly help her once they reached London. And how long it would be before she tried to push him away because he’d seen too much of her soul.
CHAPTER 14
By the time they reached London the next evening, Jane had already built her walls back up. Oh, they sat close in the carriage. She spoke to him just as she always had. But Ripley was no fool. He had seen too much, she’d said too much. Now she would try to protect them both by inserting as much distance as she possibly could.
“When we stopped just outside the city, I asked the driver to take us straight to Esme and Delacourt’s,” he said.
She started, as if she’d forgotten he was in the carriage while she stared outside the window, her hands clutched together in her lap. Now she looked at him, her cheeks pinkening.
“Yes, thank you. The sooner we speak to them, the sooner we can find my sister.”
She said the words with determination, but he knew her too well not to see the truth of her. Her little tells were subtle, she presented herself as steel to the world around her, but he saw the flickers of pain in her, of embarrassment and shame.
For the moment, he said nothing about it. Let her find the support she needed in her friends and it would calm her. And if she needed more? Well, he was here to provide it.
The carriage glided onto the drive at Delacourt’s city estate. Jane took a deep breath and then exited the carriage with the assistance of one of the footmen who came rushing from the house. Ripley frowned. She’d been allowing him to help her for days and days, but even with this she separated herself a fraction.
Still, she did wait for him and took his arm, her fingers tightening around his bicep with a grip that spoke of her tension. Delacourt’s butler welcomed them at the door.
“Ah, Miss Kendall,” he said, all true friendliness. “We haven’t seen you in a while, welcome.”
“Thank you, Bentley,” she said, her voice wavering slightly. “And you recall Mr. Ripley, I think.”
“I do, indeed. The earls and countesses are gathered in the blue parlor. Please follow me and I’ll announce you.”
Her lips parted and she looked up at Ripley as they did as Bentley had asked. “They’re not alone,” she said softly.
He covered her hand with his. “Neither are you.”
She came to a stop in the middle of the hallway and stared up at him. “Ripley,” she murmured.
“My lords and ladies,” Bentley called out at the door just a few feet in front of where they’d come to their sudden stop. “Miss Kendall and Mr. Ripley.”
Ripley heard the happy murmur of voices within and guided Jane forward. They entered the room and he saw that, indeed, Esme and Delacourt weren’t alone. The earl’s sister, the Countess of Ramsbury, and her husband were also in attendance. And, as always, neither of them looked anything but pleased to see Jane.
Jane released his arm and stepped forward. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d be hosting company. We should have sent word.”
