They hadn’t spoken of it, though. Of what their night together meant. While they rode back to London, she’d asked him to read more from his novel, which didn’t allow for questions. Perhaps for the best, as he wasn’t certain he’d like the answers. If she pushed him away, he would have to honor that.
Now they pulled up before her shop and sat staring at each other for a moment. He’d asked the driver not to open the door, so they had as long as he’d like to stay in the bubble of what they’d shared.
She reached across the carriage and took his hand. Certainly not the first time she’d done so, but the first time this day and the action carried more weight now that they’d touched in far more intimate ways.
“I know you’ve firmly shut the door on this conversation,” she began. “But I must say it one more time: I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness.”
“You can take advantage any time,” he replied. He’d meant to sound teasing, but it wasn’t. She heard it too, for she bent her head with a little sigh.
“Should we do this?” she asked.
“Find your sister?”
“No.” She lifted her gaze to his. “We’ve stayed away for so long, Ripley. We’ve fought this pull between us.”
He swallowed. This was the conversation he’d waited for and yet he felt no joy with it. Not when she appeared so concerned. “If you don’t want to?—”
“No, I didn’t say that,” she interrupted.
He smiled a little at how swiftly she said it. All that love for her rose up in him, stronger now because they’d acted on the attraction. Because he knew what it felt to join with her in the most intimate way. He would take the pain that would come for this. Pain was sometimes worth the moment before.
“I’m here, Jane,” he said. “I’ll be here however you need me. When it comes to what happened between us last night, if you want to leave it as a night of passion, one that I’ll never forget, I won’t push. If you want to crawl into my bed every night we’re searching for your sister and let me ease your troubles for a few hours, I’m happy to do that, as well. More than happy.”
She worried her lip and it made him want to nip it like he had so many times the night before. He lived for the way that made her hiss in her breath with pleasure.
“You don’t have to decide right now,” he assured her, and then he opened the carriage door and stepped out to help her down. When her feet were firmly back on the ground, he said, “I’ll let you know how the arrangements are going as I progress during the day.”
“Yes, thank you. Please keep a list of your expenses. At least let me try to cover them.”
He ignored that request because he had no intention of honoring it. Instead he asked, “Have you thought about going to Esme about this? I’m sure she and Delacourt could be of help.”
Her lips pinched and he could see her feelings. Her fears were far too plain on her face. “I…no. Not yet at any rate. If I cannot do this on my own, I’ll trade on our friendship. But for now, let me keep them out of it.”
“Of course,” he said. “Whatever you think is best, Jane.”
“I’ll be ready in the morning,” she said.
For a moment he thought she might kiss him right here on the walkway in front of her store. She leaned a little toward him, her lips upturned. But then she caught herself and turned away, dashing to the door where she slipped inside and left him alone.
“Take me back to the club, please,” he told the driver before he got back into the vehicle and settled in. As they rumbled across the city, he stared across at where she’d been sitting. He could still smell her in the air. He could almost still feel her warmth.
But amidst all that, past all the memories of her body flexing around his, he could also perfectly picture her terror. She might need his body in order to soothe her worries, but she also needed him to be on his guard, be at his best so that they might find her sister.
If they couldn’t, he already knew it would be devastating to her. Destructive. He didn’t want to watch her go through that pain, one he couldn’t help with. He knew that feeling far too well.
They rolled to a stop before the club and he thanked the driver as he got out. He strode through the doors to find the familiar sounds of men sparring echoing in the room around him. As he had expected, all was well after Brentwood’s short reign as leader of the club. A few of the men training waved to him as he came in, but most simply continued their punches and blocks.
He searched for Brentwood and found him in the back of the hall, standing with the Earl of Kirkwood. The earl was a reasonably good fighter, despite his rank. He was also friends with Delacourt and Ramsbury, so Ripley would have to be careful with what was said. At this point Jane didn’t want the help of her powerful friends and he wasn’t going to push it.
“Ah, Ripley,” Kirkwood said with a wide smile and a hand extended to shake. “We missed you this morning at the usual practice.”
From some men, Ripley might have bristled, but he could tell the statement was meant truthfully, not as some barely veiled dig. “I apologize for my absence. I had some personal business to attend to. I fear I must steal Brentwood away, assuming you two are finished with your conversation.”
Kirkwood inclined his head. “We are. Best of luck with whatever is happening. Good day, gentlemen.”
As the earl stepped away, Ripley motioned Brentwood back to his office and shut the door.
“And so you are back,” Brentwood said, his tone noncommittal.
