She sighed. “She was never warm or loving. She lived a very hard life.”
“Not an excuse,” he said softly.
“Perhaps not, but an explanation,” she said. “But she’s definitely worse now. The drinking is part of that, but I think it goes deeper.”
He nodded. “The state of the house was shocking.”
“Well, hopefully whatever funds and assistance I arrange will help,” she said, and shut her eyes. “Lord, the money.”
“I know you put aside a healthy sum from your previous work. Does the shop do well enough to support assisting her?”
The image of the empty shop popped into her mind. The empty shop she despised, no matter how much she wanted to step into a more acceptable life. “It isn’t your burden,” she said.
He arched a brow. “It’s not enough.”
“Ripley,” she whispered.
“Let me help,” he said. “Let me arrange the funds and the assistance on your behalf.”
She rose and paced away, feeling his gaze bore into her back. “That’s outrageous. Kind, but out of the question. My mother thought you were my protector, but you aren’t. You do not have any reason to waste money or any more time than you already have on?—”
He got up and followed her, catching her arm and pivoting her back to face him. “You think I don’t have a reason, Jane?”
She stared up into his face, rare emotion flashing in his dark eyes. Beautiful eyes. Soulful, warming, perfect eyes that could hold her steady and make her forget everything else but him.
She couldn’t do that.
“You’ve done so much already.” She extracted herself from his hands with a great deal of difficulty.
“I’m happy to do it,” he insisted. “And considering we haven’t found out anything about your sister expect that she isn’t with your mother, we have a great deal more to do.”
She blinked at him. “N-no. You were far too kind in your offer to bring me here and stand at my side, but you have a life back in London. A club and friends and?—”
“It’s not a question, Jane. I’m helping you and that’s final.” He folded his arms and his jacket tightened across his broad chest. “We can speak about it more later. Plot our next steps. For now, why don’t you come upstairs? I’ll help you get settled and you can rest.”
Her instinct was to fight him. To push him away for both their sakes, but he wasn’t wrong that she was tired. Physically, of course, it had been a long day and there had been no rest for her the prior night. But it was more a bone-deep exhaustion, something that went beyond a lack of sleep and burrowed into the weight of the world she’d borne for…well, she couldn’t recall when she hadn’t felt it on her shoulders, bowing her back.
“Very well,” she sighed, and followed him into the inn. It was as pleasant inside as it was outside, clean and warm with smiling proprietors and guests chatting and eating.
Ripley took them past all that and up a wide staircase and down a hallway to a room. When she entered, she caught her breath. This had to be the largest chamber of the establishment, likely meant for very important guests as they passed through. The casement windows were cleaned to a shine so the gardens she’d been enjoying were easy to take in from the window seat.
A fire burned brightly in the large stone fireplace and a large bed was pressed against the wall across from it. On the other side of the room was a table and a screen where she assumed a bath was hiding.
“You spent too much. I’ll never be able to repay you,” she said.
He tilted his head. “I’m not asking for repayment. I want to take care of you, Jane. Whether that is taking you to visit your mother, continuing to search for your sister or getting you a decent room so that you may collapse as you look like you’re ready to do after the last two days.” He folded his arms again. “Now, tell me what you need.”
She blinked. She couldn’t recall the last time someone had asked her that. As a lightskirt, her life had been about anticipating and providing what others needed. She’d taken care of Esme when she was too innocent to know how to keep herself out of trouble. She’d protected her sister even though Nora despised her for it. Seeing her mother today had put her to mind of the long nights she’d spent as a child, trying to help the woman who’d raised her.
And this man asked what she needed.
“I don’t know,” she said. It was true. She’d pushed aside what she needed for so long it was hard to find the feeling of it, let alone the words.
“I can leave you,” he said softly. “Let you rest a bit.”
The idea of him walking away was instantly painful and she jerked toward him a step. “No!” she gasped out, and then shook her head. “It’s not fair to ask, but would you just…just hold me for a moment?”
As she said it, she knew that was exactly what she needed. To feel the safety of his embrace, the steadiness of his presence. The world had an axis, after all, even when it spun out of control. She needed to find it.
