Clarissa jerked her attention to him and their eyes locked. He stepped toward her, all the love he felt for her rising up in him. But atlast she bent her head and then returned her gaze to her parents. “Roderick knows I’ve been sharing my pin money with you. He’s kindly concerned about my well-being. Perhaps overly so. I have no intention of changing our agreement. You needn’t cause trouble.”
Her mother’s lips twitched. “Cause trouble? It isn’t us. It’s you. He might not know better, but you should.”
Clarissa’s lips parted and she glanced at Roderick again. “Why—why would you think he wouldn’t know better? What does that mean?”
“His parents are dead, that’s all I meant,” her mother said with the same blank expression she seemed to always have when she fired shots toward her daughter.
Roderick moved forward, but to his surprise, Clarissa was already rushing toward her parents. There was no deference to her now, only flared nostril indignation as she said, “Howdareyou bring that up? How dare you throw his greatest loss, his deepest pain, into his face?”
“Oh, please!” her father snorted. “It happened years ago. It’s merely an observation.”
Clarissa shook her head, disgust on her face. “This man has been nothing but decent, even when you two were anything but. By your behavior, you dishonored not just me, but yourselves, and yet he is still a gentleman.”
Her parents exchanged a look, seemingly shocked that she would speak in such a way. “I dare say you ought to have some respect for your elders, Clarissa,” her father blustered.
She blinked and then shook her head. “Roderick is worth ten of you, Father. And I know that, even if I continue to politely ignore it in your company. This ishishome and I amhiswife. Understand that I shall ever take his side in all things. You’ll never turn me against him for your purposes. If you press me on that, you won’t like the results.”
There was a long moment of silent shock and Roderick’s was the largest share of it. Here Clarissa refused to stand up for herself, but when it came to defending him she surrendered all her thoughts on what she owed her family. He had not had a champion like that,someone to fight at his side like some avenging angel, for many years. He’d forgotten how wonderful it was.
“I think perhaps it’s time for you two to go,” Roderick said softly as he motioned for the door.
“I think so,” Mr. Lockhart said, and grabbed his wife’s arm. They stormed from the room together, Clarissa’s father calling for their carriage and slamming the front door with great force.
Clarissa wobbled a little and braced her hand on the back of a chair. Her breath was rough and harsh as she tried to gather herself. Then she looked up at him. “I’m sorry, Roderick.”
He shook his head and crossed to her, taking her hand and lifting it to her chest. What he felt couldn’t be contained now. He needed her to know it, to feel it, to begin to trust it, or at least understand that he was going to fight for it.
He needed to take a risk so that she would begin to feel comfortable to do the same.
He drew a deep breath of his own and said, “Clarissa, I love you.”
Clarissa already felt wobbly after the confrontation with her parents, but now she nearly toppled over. It was only that Roderick steadied her that kept her on her feet. She stared at him, uncertain now if all of this was just some heated dream.
It had to be. She knew where they stood.
“You don’t mean that,” she whispered at last.
He shook his head. “I very much do.” She tried to pull away, but he didn’t release her. “I know it’s frightening. It is for me, too. Love can mean loss. I felt it myself and it was terrible. But it’s also so beautiful. Our life could be so beautiful, Clarissa, if you let me love you. If you find it in your heart to try to love me in return.”
“I thought you believed in lightning. Instant recognition,” she said. “We both know that isn’t us.”
“I do believe in lightning. I am struck down by your mercy. Thelightning hit after the storm began, that’s all. I never should have been so rigidly dedicated to the idea that it could only come in one way. Life isn’t rigid. It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. You taught me that instead.”
She was shaking so hard, she feared letting go of the back of the chair. What could she say to these words, so sweet and yet so confounding? This man loved her? She wanted to burst into tears. To collapse into a puddle. To spin around the room in circles. Joy and terror and disbelief all at once.
“I’ve overwhelmed you,” he said. “I’m sorry. I only realized I couldn’t wait to tell you. I needed you to know. You can have all the time in the world to come to terms with this. To think about it. But understand that I intend to woo you most ardently. I intend to prove to you that those two jackals who just stormed out of our home were wrong. Every part of you is lovable. Every bit of you is enough. You are and never could be too much to adore. And I do adore you.”
Tears stung her eyes, but she couldn’t control them. Moderation was far out of reach and so they fell, dragging down her cheeks, overwhelming her. With a gasp, she pulled away from him. “I need…I need to think. I need…I need to go, to gather myself.”
“Yes,” he said. “I can have a carriage brought if you need to go somewhere. Please, not to your parents.”
“No,” she breathed. “To…I don’t even know who I could go to.” Then she stopped. “Lady Ramsbury. Marianne. She was so kind in the countryside.”
He smiled a little. “I think that’s a fine idea. Talk to her about it. You deserve to have friends who you can confide in, be yourself with. Let me call the carriage.”
He stepped out with a backward look for her. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against the edge of the chair back where her hands rested. How was this real? How was this happening.
But no, she had to gather herself. She stood and smoothed her gown, trying to put herself back together. Roderick returned. “The carriage is being brought. Let me help you?”
