Ramsbury was quiet a moment, simply observing Roderick. “It sounds as though you care a great deal about the pain that causes her.”
“I-I do.” Roderick blinked. Why did those words feel like a form of confession?
“Have you ever questioned why?”
He shifted in his seat and watched Ripley dodge a punch in the ring before them. It truly felt like he was doing the same, even though this was a friendly conversation he had requested that they have. “It’s my duty as her husband to take care of her, is it not?”
“Certainly.” Ramsbury shrugged. “At the minimum, it is. What do you want to do?”
Roderick though of Clarissa’s face the night before when he’d confronted her about her parents’ greedy behavior. She’d looked so defeated beneath the stony exterior she tried to put on to protect herself. It was heartbreaking.
“I want…I want to help her challenge these notions. We may have been forced into this union, but my God, there is no reason for her not to be able to wield the power and influence her new title gives her. I want to help her see that she can still be the epitome of a lady without giving away all her emotions and ignoring her every need.”
“And how will you start doing that?” Ramsbury had a little smile on his face, almost smug, which Roderick didn’t fully understand. He chose to ignore it and pondered the question. How would one start introducing the power of choice to a person who had given up on her ability to have any?
“The dresses,” he said softly.
“I beg your pardon?” Ramsbury said, his brow wrinkling in confusion.
Roderick shook his head. “Nothing, nothing. But you’ll need to excuse me. I have something I need to do.”
He stood and so did Ramsbury. “I won’t keep you, but Kirkwood?”
Roderick had started to go, but he stopped and turned back. “Yes?”
“I told you before that Marianne and I were friends for years before I finally woke up and realized what a treasure she was. Until I saw I was in love with her.” Ramsbury took a step toward him. “I know you’ve always believed in the lightning that sometimes strikes when a man meets the love of his life. But lightning doesn’t have to strike out of nowhere. It can strike in the middle of a storm, too. It can strike after the storm has been building on the horizon for weeks, months, even years. If you are planning to challenge Clarissa’s beliefs, perhaps you need to challenge some of your own, as well.”
Roderick’s heart began to pound at those words, his chest aching at the idea. Why was it so terrifying? He swallowed hard. “Perhaps.”
“Let me know if I can help.”
“I will.” Roderick extended a hand and the men shook. “Thank you, Ramsbury.”
He pivoted then and hurried from the club. He had a duty to perform, but also a great deal to think about. He only hoped he could sort it all out in his tangled mind.
Clarissa paced her chamber, too restless to work on the letter she’d been trying to write for the last hour. All she could think about was that Roderick had been gone all day. She hadn’t seen him since the previous night and their argument in his chamber.
Why had she let that happen? Why had she allowed her emotions to smash on the rocks like some petulant child with no control? Now all that was left was discomfort and problems in their wake.
She needed to repair it. No, that wasn’t right. It wasn’t just a need. Shewantedto repair the damage. To go back to the closeness she’d felt with him since their wedding.
She stopped pacing and covered her eyes a moment. “Little fool,” she whispered. “This isn’t a marriage like that. Even if it seems confusing when you touch or laugh together.”
She just had to keep reminding herself of that.
She opened her eyes and her gaze found the wrapped paper package on her dressing table that contained the copy ofOthelloshe’d purchased for Roderick the day before. She’d meant to give it to him after supper the previous night, but their argument had stopped her. Perhaps this could be her olive branch?
There was a knock at her door and she turned to find her maid, Hester, at the entrance from the antechamber. “Yes?”
“I’m sorry to disturb you, my lady, but you wished to know when Lord Kirkwood returned from his outing. He’s just back now and went straight to his chamber.”
Clarissa caught her breath. He was so close and yet he hadn’t knocked on her door.
“Th-thank you,” she gasped out. “I’ll ring when I wish to ready myself for supper.”
Hester bobbed out a curtsey and left her. When she heard the outer chamber door close, Clarissa stepped to her mirror and looked at herself. She hadn’t slept well and there were light shadows beneath her eyes and her cheeks were pale. She pinched them to bring in some color, smoothed her gown and then took the package before she headed through the antechamber and stood before Roderick’s door. It was cracked a little and inside she could hear the splash of water from the basin inside. Her heart was throbbing then, almost like it would burst from her chest, and she placed a hand against the carved wood in the hopes she could ground herself.
It didn’t work and so she sighed as she pushed the door fully open and stepped inside. He was standing at the basin, splashing water on his face. His back was to her and he hadn’t heard her, it seemed, so she took a moment to stare. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and his back flexed in the most distracting way. She wanted to trace the muscles there with her fingertip, her tongue. She wanted to feel him turn into herand his arms come around her like the prior night hadn’t even happened.
