Miss Swanlea looked at her a moment. “I notice you keep glancing toward that table of pinks. Would you like to try a fabric with color for this new gown?”
The wordyesscreamed through Clarissa’s mind in an instant, overriding all else. She frowned. It seemed her new role as countess was having a negative effect on her. She was only thinking of what she wanted, not what was best or most proper. Perhaps that was what happened when one started craving pleasure like she did now. Pleasure with Roderick.
“I…” She trailed off and looked toward the table again. She moved toward it, almost against her will, and let her fingers drift over a pink jacquard silk. The little flowers that were part of the fabric pattern felt so lovely. What would Roderick say it she came downstairs in this?
“That color would be perfect against your skin,” Miss Swanlea said, almost gently, as if talking to a scared filly.
Clarissa released the silk and turned back toward the whites. “All your fabric is perfection. But I believe I must stick to the tried and true, rather than draw attention to myself through fashion. The white muslin for the gown, please. And the new lining we already discussed.”
There was a moment where the seamstress appeared disappointed, but she nodded. “Of course, my lady. I’ll be sure to have them ready as soon as possible.”
“Good day,” Clarissa said, and inclined her head when the woman bowed to her. That was truly going to take some getting used to.
She turned and found her maid, Hester, already waiting at the door. They departed together and Clarissa sighed as she looked down the lane. A few doors down was Mattigan’s bookshop, one of her favorite haunts. She knew Roderick was busy with his meeting with the estate manager, so she had time to browse.
“Let’s go to Mattigan’s,” she said, and together they walked to the shop.
After she was greeted by the kind and friendly owner, himself, Clarissa took a deep breath and relaxed into the atmosphere of the shop. Tall shelves were arranged in never-ending rows all the way back to the cozy fireplace with its comfortable chairs at the back of the shop.
As Hester stepped away, Clarissa began to walk the aisles, touching the spines of the books gently. There were so many she wished to read, but since she had agreed to give a large portion of her pin money to her parents, she had to be frugal. At any rate, she hadn’t fully explored Roderick’s beautiful library yet. Oh, how she loved that room with its high round ceiling and bright light from what felt like innumerable windows. She needed to determine if any of her desired titles were already there.
She made a mental note of the titles she needed to search for as she found her way to the Shakespeare section of the shop. There weremany different volumes and productions of the Bard’s extensive work and she picked almost every one up to look at the different foils and bindings of them. She had almost finished in the section when she noticed a volume ofOthello. She smiled as she thought of one of her first conversations with Roderick back at her family estate. How they had somehow bonded overOthelloeven in the midst of their early rivalry.
The binding was particularly beautiful on this edition, with gold filigree on the cover and the same on the edges of the pages. She had already looked at all Roderick’s Shakespeare volumes and she knew he didn’t have this particular version. He would love it, she was certain. She’d always liked finding the perfect gift for people she cared about.
Cared about. Yes, she cared about Roderick. That was allowed, wasn’t it, in a marriage of convenience? They were supposed to be friends, after all. Sharing a bed made that more complicated in ways she hadn’t expected. The longing she felt whenever he was near her was often confusing. Despite that, she was trying to remain true to their original agreement to what this marriage would look like.
She clutched the book to her chest and went to the raised desk where Mr. Mattigan stood, going through a pile of books.
“Good afternoon, my lady,” he said. “I see you’ve found something there.”
“Yes, this is a beautiful version ofOthello.”
“Ah yes, a wonderful printing from Bandy and Sons. They make fine versions of any book or play.”
“I’d like to know the price, if you don’t mind,” she said, and handed it up to him.
“That one is two pounds, my lady,” he said.
She blinked. Two pounds! That was an enormous sum, though she should have guessed it. Books were expensive as it was and this one was a beautiful version. Her pin money was generous, but she knew a great portion of it had already been bled away to her parents’ account. This would take the remainder of her funds for the month, when shetook into account the gown and lining she’d already agreed to at Miss Swanlea’s. So much for any other frivolities.
But she thought of Roderick again. Thought of how gentle he was as he guided her through the beginning of their marriage. She wanted to give him this gift. She could economize until her next deposit of funds. She ought not to be treating herself too often anyway.
She glanced at Mattigan again. “I’ll take it. Wrap it up, will you?”
Mattigan nodded with a smile and did so, making a pretty package with a bright ribbon for her. She said her farewells and then she and Hester were off again, back toward the London estate.
And the husband that caused such troubling mixed emotions and desires in her body, mind and soul.
CHAPTER 16
If there was one thing Clarissa had learned to do over the years, it was read the moods of those around her. That night as they stood together in the parlor waiting for the arrival of her parents, Clarissa felt frustration in Roderick. She didn’t know the cause, of course, but she still felt tense as she watched him pace the room, seemingly distracted.
“Did your meeting with Mr. Brightly go well?” she asked.
He jerked his head up from where he was staring into his drink and nodded. “Er, yes. He’s a good man for the job, I can depend on him. I trust his suggestions for estate improvements.”
“Will he join us again before he returns to Kirkwood?”
