She appreciated it enormously and it did help. But she couldn’t help but still think about Roderick, her wedding in less than twenty-four hours, and what would happen afterward that would change their relationship forever. She just hoped she would be ready for it.
CHAPTER 12
Roderick hadn’t known what to expect during his wedding. He’d actually be avoiding thoughts of the ceremony all together. But when the doors to the chapel opened at nine a.m. and Clarissa stepped in on the arm of her father, his heart almost stopped.
She was wearing a beautiful gown. White, of course, because she never wore anything but white, it seemed. It cascaded over her curves, the bodice covered with lace and champagne frills. Her hair was done to frame her face, her very pale face, he noticed as she came closer and closer. Her lovely face.
This wasn’t what he’d dreamed of, but in that moment, he wasn’t upset or angry or disappointed. There was no room for any thoughts but of her. When her father reached them and extended her hand to Roderick, he took it, squeezing gently to offer her comfort. In that moment, her expression softened, her smile became more genuine and she squeezed back.
They faced the vicar, happily not the one from the country estate who had interrupted their kiss, but the one from Roderick’s London parish. The man droned away about the purpose for marriage, the goodness of fruitfulness. Roderick didn’t pay attention to any of it, he just watched Clarissa’s face, noting every little twitch and blush. Everyblink that lowered her long lashes over those lovely brown eyes with the hidden green he couldn’t stop searching for.
She said the words the vicar required. He did the same and then it was over. They were declared man and wife at last and turned toward the crowd of gathered family. Well, her family. He had so little family left. Her mother and father were beaming, obviously smug that their plans had worked. George was there, of course, his expression a little troubled, though he smiled at Clarissa as if to encourage her.
Roderick guided her down the aisle, outside where a few friends waited to throw flower petals and strangers waited for him to throw the coins that would bring luck to the union. Since he needed all he could find, he did so, watching as the children scrambled to collect them.
Then he helped Clarissa into his carriage and followed, the church bells fading behind them as they rolled off across town to his home.Theirhome, he supposed now. The one she hadn’t even seen yet, due to the odd insistence of her parents to keep them separated before they wed.
She worried the hem of her glove a little and then glanced up at him. “I’m sorry,” she said.
His brow wrinkled. Was that truly going to be their first interaction as man and wife? He didn’t want it to be. Didn’t want her first memory as his countess to be one laced with guilt. But since he had no idea what to say to her in that moment when she looked so utterly beautiful and so fully broken, he instead leaned across the distance between them, gently cupped her cheeks and did what he’d been dreaming of for almost ten days.
He kissed her.
Clarissa hadn’t been expecting the kiss, but now that it was happening she was yanked back to the first time he’d truly kissed her in the library. To all the desire, that was what her friendssaid it was, that had risen up in her. It returned immediately now, making her hands shake, and her stomach flip. She rested her palms against his chest, gripping at the lapels of his fine jacket for purchase and leaned in closer.
He made a soft sound from his throat and then his mouth opened, his tongue tracing hers gently. It was almost a question, a request to let him in. She did and tasted minty freshness on his breath, felt the rough stroke of his tongue against hers that suddenly made the carriage too hot and close.
Thiswas what Marianne and Esme had spoken to her about. These flutters and heated aches. They would only grow, become more intense, make her ready for whatever he would do to claim her as his wife. She shivered at the thought and he drew away with a heavy-lidded expression.
“You are so beautiful, Clarissa,” he said softly, and gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
She shivered again at the intimacy of that featherlight touch. “Th-thank you. And you are very handsome.”
He smiled a little. “Was that painful to admit?”
She laughed and suddenly the tension bled away. Strange that he could do it so easily. “No, my lord,” she chuckled.
“Good,my lady.”
She blinked. “Oh my, I suppose peoplewilladdress me as such now, won’t they?”
He laughed again. “Yes, because you are a countess. My countess, if you want to be specific about it.”
“I think specificity is a must in these circumstances,” she teased back. She stared at her hands then, still resting on his chest. She drew them away and worried them in her lap. “I-I hope I’ll be good at it.”
His brow knitted and he moved to her side of the carriage slowly. She slid over to offer him space and he put his arm around her. A comfort, though she never would have pictured she would appreciate it so much when she’d first met him and told herself to despise himfor being unmannerly. In this moment, all he was was gentlemanly. Kind.
“You will be, Clarissa. I’ve no doubt of that.” He sighed and tucked her a little closer to him. “I wish your parents had allowed you to visit my home earlier, because we’ll have to have a truncated introduction to the servants before our guests arrive for the wedding gathering.”
She worried her lip. “I believe they feared that if you spent too much time with me before the marriage, you might change your mind.”
He stared at her. She fought not to show her hurt at that fact. Her parents had said it more than once. She’d overheard it and also had it stated directly to her face. In truth, she had feared it could be true, considering what he’d confessed about true love when they were in her bed chamber in the countryside.
He touched her chin and gently turned her face toward his. “Christ, I thought they just didn’t want us making a united front against them. If they actually said such a horrid to you, I want to disabuse you of that notion. Ineverwould have changed my mind. There is nothing you could have done or said that would have made me do so. You’ll find I’m a man of my word, whatever my other faults are.”
She swallowed hard. With his face so close to hers, all she could think about was kissing him. Lordy, one wedding and she was a wanton, forgetting all propriety.
“I believe you, I think,” she said.
