Her eyes stung at the idea. “I…thank you,” she said.
He inclined his head and offered her an elbow. “I’ll escort you inside. Do you intend to go to your chamber to rest before supper?”
Suddenly she felt the exhaustion of the day. “Yes. I was trying to do just that when they started found me.”
“Well, I think they’re finished now.”
She took his arm and allowed him to lead her inside. He said nothing, just took her to the stairs where he released her. “I’m going to have a drink. I’ll see you tonight.”
She nodded, mute with surprise at this side of him. He watched her as she went up the stairs, she felt his gaze on her back with every step. And though she didn’t look back, she felt the warmth of him even when she was long gone from his company and back at her own door.
She just didn’t know what any of it meant. Not for today and certainly not from the future that had been thrust on them both by a slip of propriety and the cruel machinations of her parents.
CHAPTER 10
Supper had gone as well as one could expect with everyone staring and judging. Afterward Roderick stood amongst the gentlemen, sipping a not particularly good port and watching some of the others play billiards. His now-future father-in-law stood across the room, grinning like a fool at some of the other gentlemen, accepting congratulations like he’d just won a prize.
Roderick’s stomach turned.
“You look like you could use a stronger drink,” the Earl of Ramsbury said as he stepped up beside him. “Or at least one of better quality.”
Roderick managed a weak smile. He and Ramsbury had always been friendly. He liked the other earl, with his easy companionship and strong sense of loyalty. He was someone Roderick could be at least partially honest with.
“After Lockhart went on and on about how good the port was, it’s evident he poured something far cheaper into an old bottle.” Roderick sighed. “All smoke and mirrors, it seems.”
Rather like the upcoming marriage. Both Mr. and Mrs. Lockhart had been going on and on about it every time he caught a snippet of their conversation. Bragging and lying and pretendingthat this was something wonderful when it was really a trap they’d laid.
“Marianne is fond of Clarissa,” Ramsbury said carefully. “And my wife has impeccable taste.”
Roderick nodded slowly. “She is everything a lady should be,” he said and thought of her on the terrace with her pained expression.
“Would it help to talk about it?” Ramsbury asked. “We could step outside for a cigar and likely escape the rest.”
“It’s a kind offer,” Roderick said with a smile for his friend. “And perhaps later I’ll take you up on it. But right now I think I prefer brooding over it all.”
Ramsbury nodded. “I understand.”
“No, you couldn’t. I’ve seen you with Lady Ramsbury. You two are clearly well matched.”
Ramsbury’s face lit up. “We are. But I think others might not have seen it as possible at the beginning. She was a wallflower, and while I think Clarissa isn’t quite that, she is certainly not what one would expect a man like you to match with.”
“Yes, she’s very concerned with what Society thinks is right. I, on the other hand, have never given a damn.” Roderick shrugged.
“And perhaps that will work in your favor. She’ll soften your edges, you’ll make her braver to be herself.” Ramsbury squeezed his shoulder. “If you want to be happy, you can be, I think.”
Happy. Oh yes, Roderick wanted to be happy. He’d always pictured what that happiness would entail and saw it as himself head over heels in love with his wife. With an instant attachment that made it clear his choice was correct.
Luckily he didn’t have to say anything in response. Mr. Lockhart made the announcement that the gentlemen would rejoin the ladies and they all filed out. Ramsbury stepped away to speak to another gentleman and Roderick filtered himself to the end of the line of men so he could have a moment alone.
When they stepped into the parlor where the women had gathered for sherry and whatever gossip they had shared, Roderick watchedRamsbury. The earl immediately found his wife and the way her smile blossomed when he approached her was almost blinding in its power. He slipped an arm around her waist, leaned in to say something close to her ear. She blushed a little and laughed, her hand coming up to his chest briefly.
Roderick turned his face. Yes,thatwas what he’d always pictured. That easy affection, brought on by a powerful love that flowed beneath everything. And yet when he found Clarissa at the window, when their eyes met, it was different. Yes, for a moment he had a flash of her upturned face, her trembling lips before he kissed her. Then she turned her head, broke the contact of their gaze.
This was not a love match. It hurt, but he had to accept that. And he had to determine, with her, what that meant for the life they would share. The sooner the better.
Clarissa’s body felt bruised, like she’d been in a fight all night, rather than simply sharing supper with people she would call friends and acquaintances. But she’d had to hold herself so straight, had to keep her expression calm when they congratulated her on her upcoming nuptials, had to pretend not to understand when they pried about how this had all happened so swiftly. It had been an exercise in restraint that felt harder and harder to perform. Her back hurt, her arms hurt, her head hurt from all of it.
At last, though, she was alone in her chamber, in her nightrail and dressing gown, her hair down around her shoulders. Any nosy friends who had descended on her at the end of the evening as she tried to simply find her bed were gone. Her maid was gone. Her mother was, blessedly, gone. She could remove all her masks now and simplybe.
