Clarissa caught her breath and rushed to the door, trying to put serenity back on her face for the sake of the countess. She threw open the door and knew she’d failed when Marianne’s expression fell.
“Oh, gracious,” she said as she stepped into Clarissa’s room and shut the door. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Clarissa fought for further calm. “I’m fine as can be, I assure you. I’m only making my final preparations for supper and the musical presentations tonight. Are you going to play, my lady?”
Marianne tilted her head. “Clarissa.”
“Yes?”
“You have nearly worried your handkerchief in half,” she said gently.
Clarissa looked down. She’d forgotten she was holding a handkerchief, but Marianne was right. She had shredded the fabric almost in two. “Oh.”
“Something is wrong,” Marianne said. “I felt it all day. You were so quiet and seemed nervous.”
“Oh no,” Clarissa murmured. “That’s not right. A lady is to have moderation in all things. One mustn’t be able to sense her emotions too strongly.”
Marianne shook her head. “I…I don’t know what to say to that. Emotions are a human fact. They aren’t wrong.”
“No, Lady Ramsbury?—”
“Marianne,” she interrupted. “You and I knew each other a littleover the years. You must call me Marianne, for I want us to be friends.”
“You see, that right there,” Clarissa said, and paced away. “It isn’t right for me to be so forward as to call you by your given name when your rank demands I address you properly. How am I to be polite by acquiescing to what you’ve askedandbe proper and correct by the rules of Society all at once? How can one be meekly sportive? How? They are opposites!”
Marianne caught her hands. “You are upsetting yourself further. Please sit down with me and take a few breaths.”
Clarissa stared at her a moment and then nodded. “Yes. I’m—I’m sorry, my lady. Marianne. You’ve caught me at an…an odd moment.”
They sat on the settee by her fire and for a moment Marianne just breathed with her. Then she said, “Why don’t you tell me what’s troubling you? Perhaps I could help. Or at least listen.”
Clarissa worried her lip. She did so want to tell someone what was happening. To get advice from someone who wasn’t an interested party like her parents, or anuninterestedone like her cousin. George would make a joke out of all of it, which would lighten her mood, but not in any way help her solve her problem.
“Are you certain you would want to hear my troubles?” she asked. “I don’t feel right burdening you.”
“It’s no burden,” Marianne insisted, and squeezed her hand. “I understand how difficult it can be when one is trying to hold everything inside and there aren’t friends around for the release of confession. Please allow me to be of service, and tell me. I promise I won’t repeat anything you reveal.”
“Even to the earl?” she asked, thinking of how Ramsbury and Kirkwood were friends.
“I do tell Sebastian everything, he is my dearest friend,” Marianne said slowly. “But in this case, since it isn’t my secret, I don’t see why I would have any reason to share.”
Clarissa considered that a moment. Despite the promise, she would simply be careful not to reveal too many details so thatMarianne wouldn’t be able to determine that her problem was Kirkwood. What would he think of her if he knew her mother’s machinations?
“I think everything is aware that I am seeking a husband.”
Marianne nodded. “As we are expected to do by Society.”
Clarissa flinched. Society’s expectations were feeling especially weighty at present and she had to fight not to return to the state where she could hardly breathe from the pressure.
“My parents arranged this gathering as a way for me to further that goal. Not unusual, but their demands have increased in the last few months.” She shook her head. “I thought I had time before they simply took matters into their own hands, but today…today…”
She couldn’t continue, she was so choked on tears that she couldn’t allow to fall. Marianne squeezed her hand again. “Go on.”
“My—my mother has declared that there is a specific match she wants me to pursue here at the gathering,” she said slowly.
“Oh. I see,” Marianne said with a frown. “And it isn’t a gentlemanyouare interested in?”
A vision of Lord Kirkwood seemed to shimmer in Clarissa’s mind. So tall and handsome, so utterly infuriating and also charming. And surprising in a great many ways, for he could be chivalrous and apologetic when one least expected it.
