Marianne was almost bouncing as she stepped forward to kiss his cheek. “I cannot wait.”
“Nor can I,” Sebastian said. The carriage arrived and he helped her up and then turned back to shake Finn’s hand. “We’ll resolve this one way or another, you know. You’re not alone in facing it.”
“That means a great deal. Good night.” Finn patted Sebastian’s shoulder and then watched as he took his place next to Marianne and off the carriage went.
For a moment Finn stood in the cool night air. He stared up at the stars above with a sigh. If he could only wish on one and fix all this for Esme, he would do it. He would pull all the stars down if he could save her from her fears and her past and whatever she felt was stopping her from the life she wanted.
But he couldn’t do that. So he had to go up and talk to her instead. To face whatever she’d say about his confession of hisheart. Even if it broke that same heart. Even if it broke all the dreams he was beginning to have about a future with her.
Esme stood at the window, staring down at the moonlit garden below. It was a beautiful view and a beautiful room, even if she was still startled by the fact that Finn had chosen the chamber his future countess would one day inhabit. It seemed so desperately unfair to sleep in the bed of a phantom who would at some point join the life of the man Esme loved.
There was a light knock on the door from the direction of the antechamber and she turned and folded her hands before her. “Please, come in.”
The door opened and it was Finn. She’d known it would be, but she caught her breath nonetheless. He’d removed his jacket and cravat and rolled his sleeves to the elbow. He no longer wore boots, either. There was something so intimate about seeing him like this in this room. The barefoot, undone earl before her wasn’t meant for her. He belonged to some other person, a lady with far less burden to bear.
“Did your sister and Ramsbury go?” she asked.
He nodded. “Yes. He’ll write his letter to Willowby tonight.”
She swallowed, forcing back the hope that could break her if it wasn’t realized. “I’m sorry I made a fool of myself in front of your family.”
He stepped fully into the room and crossed halfway to her before he stopped himself. “Please, hush. They understand your situation, your difficulties.”
She almost laughed. “How could they ever? How could they ever truly make a place for me at their table now that they know what I’ve done, what I’ve been?”
“Because I love you.”
She shut her eyes and wobbled. His earlier declaration had never stopped ringing in her ears and now he repeated it, making it clear that it wouldn’t be something they could pretend away. That she could ignore until she’d convinced him not to be so foolish. “Please don’t say it again.”
He took another step. “But I must. I’ve fallen in love with you, Esme. I tell you this not to pressure you or hurt you, but because I cannot keep it to myself. It swells, it takes over, it lights up my life. I wake aching from it and for you.” His breath caught a fraction and she couldn’t stop staring at the earnest emotion on his wonderful, beautiful face. “Could you ever feel such a thing for me in return?”
She bent her head. She should tell him no. She should set him free. But that wasn’t what was going to happen. She wasn’t strong enough in the end. Or perhaps her own feelings were justtoostrong.
“I wish I could lie to you and say no,” she said, meeting his gaze. “I wish I could protect you and tell you I feel nothing for you. But I can’t.” His face lit up and she had to fight the tears that welled up in her. “You look happy, but this is no celebration, Finn. I do love you in every part of me. And I love you enough to know that I’ll destroy you if I survive whatever is about to happen and then imprudently try to put myself into your life.”
“No,” he said, and he moved to her at last, taking her hand, drawing her to his chest.
She looked up at him. “Please, you’re no fool. The scandal of my return to Society would be intense. If anyone ever found out I’d been a lightskirt or the Hellion, and they likely would, it would be even bigger and more out of control.”
“I don’t care,” he whispered as he traced her cheek with his fingertips.
“Youshould,” she said, and stepped away even though leaving his arms felt like tearing herself in two. “And even if you somehow truly don’t, Ido. I don’t belong in your life anymore. I’m not Lady Charlotte. And I don’t want to hurt you.”
She could see a thousand arguments on his face and she braced for a long night of them. Of growing anger and resentment that would sting like fire, but perhaps in the end would save this man. But instead of launching into those arguments, he put his arms around her and held her close. He kissed the crown of her head and let out a long sigh.
“Right now I think it’s best to focus on Francis and removing the threat he poses,” he said, his voice muffled by her hair. “The rest will come after.”
She lifted her face to his and stared up at him. Her love for him was so powerful in that moment that she feared she might be the one convinced in the long run, even if she knew it would hurt him. He smiled at her, something so gentle, and then he bent his head to kiss her.
She lifted to him, whispering his name as she cupped his cheeks. He drew her to the bed that would be for his wife and as they fell against it, sweetness turning to something with more heat, she pretended, just for a while, that it could be her.
CHAPTER 24
The wedding was as beautiful as the bride, and Finn smiled as he watched Marianne all but float from one group of well-wishers to the next. She’s always been shy, pushed to the wall where she had languished for many years, but now she looked…confident. Happy. Sebastian had somehow awoken that in her, given her the support to find herself.
“Isn’t she stunning?” Sebastian asked as he approached over Finn’s shoulder and offered him a drink.
He took it. “She truly is. Congratulations, Ramsbury. Sebastian. Brother.”
