“Not at all, miss. Lord Delacourt made it clear you have the run of the house while he is gone.” There was no indication how that fact impacted Bentley. He was too good to show a reaction. “We are preparing the ballroom, of course.”
“For Lady Marianne’s engagement ball, yes. I’ve heard the happy news.”
“Happy, indeed,” Bentley said with a slight smile. “Lady Marianne is vastly content, it seems. We all wish her nothing but joy.”
She nodded. “You seem a comfortable household.”
“Oh yes, miss. There could be no better man to serve than the earl.” He shifted. “Is there anything you need, miss, before I get back to my duties?”
She glanced around the room, and as she did she noticed a high balcony that surrounded the edge of the room. One that could look down on the dancefloor.
“Do guests really go up in those high verandas?” she asked, motioning to them.
The butler smiled. “Not usually. We don’t encourage it. Three earls ago there was apparently an incident with a drunken attendee and a…well, stomach upset. All the servants know about it. Usually the passageways to the observatory verandas are left closed off during parties.”
“I see.” She looked up again. That would be a perfect place to watch the engagement ball surreptitiously if Finn did manage to obtain Francis’s attendance. “I think I’ll stroll in the garden to stay out of your way. Is there a best exit to do so?”
He held out a hand toward the line of French doors along the back of the ballroom that were already open wide to let the breeze in and cool the room while the servants worked. “This is the fastest exit. The veranda behind is quite long and wraps along the back of the home. There are stairs on the west side that lead straight to the gardens.”
“Thank you, Bentley,” she said with a small smile for him. Then she moved through the ballroom, feeling the fleeting glances of the servants on her as she left the house.
Outside she drew a deep breath of air. The knowing looks of the servants, as innocuous as they had been, still felt stifling. There was a part of her that felt the shame of their knowledge of her relationship to their employer. News of a woman spending time in his chamber, in his bed, had to have spread belowstairs. They would gossip about her while they worked now. And after. And for a while to come, she suspected.
She pushed her shoulders back and crossed the stone veranda to stand at the wall. After a few breaths, her worry subsided and she could enjoy the beauty of the gardens below. There was a lack of green in the spaces where she now lived. To find it, she had to go to parks, but this was a private heaven she couldn’t resist.
She moved to the east end of the veranda and down the curving staircase where she met with a beautifully tended pathway that guided her into the garden proper. All around her were beautifully tended and trimmed bushes, neatly kept trees straining with soon to be ripe fruits and then there were the flowers.
Oh, the flowers. She almost skipped along as she looked at all of them. Blooms of pink and red and yellow turned their happy petals toward her, filled her nostrils with scents that smelled so fresh and sweet. There were roses and hyacinth, bluebells and lilies and everything in between. She stepped up to each bush and stem, leaning in to breathe them, smiling at the bees buried amongst the blooms. It all felt so right. Like home, but a home she’d lost and couldn’t return to. It felt like a dream. It felt…like peace.
She sat down on the closest bench with a thunk. Over and over her mind kept taking her places it shouldn’t be. Thoughts she couldn’t entertain. Hopes and dreams she had killed and that had to remain dead or else they would haunt her. She had a life. It wasn’t this one. It never could be.
Why couldn’t she remember that when she was in this man’s space? Or his arms?
She drew a shaky breath and looked up at the house, just in time to see Finn coming down the same stairs she had descended not long before. She watched him through the dancing light and shadows cast by the trees and dipping sunand couldn’t deny the thrill his presence caused. One more outrageous thing she had to control somehow, some way.
“My lord,” she said, rising as he reached her.
He stopped in his tracks and stared at her. “Are we back tomy lord, then?”
She pursed her lips. “Finn,” she said softly. “You’ve returned and are in one piece.”
His brows lifted and the small smile that tilted his lips was far too attractive. “Were you worried about me, Esme?”
She wanted to say yes. To launch herself at him to ensure he truly was whole and well, but she didn’t. Instead she stepped away.
Now his expression drew down with concern. “Was everything well in my absence?”
She nodded, for she didn’t want her confused emotions to cause trouble for anyone else. “Oh, yes. Your staff was very kind and I was offered all the hospitality I could have asked for. But Iamnervous to hear how it went. You were gone so long.”
“I’m sorry to have concerned you.” He motioned to the bench where she had deposited herself a moment before, and together they sat there, their knees forced close together by the narrow seat. “I did find your cousin at White’s,” he began.
She was glad to be seated because for a moment her world swam and she gripped the edge of the bench so she wouldn’t pitch herself out of it. “You did?” she whispered, her voice almost not her own it sounded so odd and far away.
He leaned closer and caught the hand that didn’t hold tight to the bench. He cupped it between his own and drew a long breath. She realized she did the same with him and the world calmed a bit.
“I did. We spoke briefly, and then I had to pretend other business there just so our meeting wouldn’t seem suspicious to him.”
She nodded. “That makes perfect sense, I should have thought of that. So what happened? How did you find him?”
