“And driven,” Jane added. “He sounds like a driven one. Rather like you, I suppose.”
“I wasn’t driven enough if I couldn’t even protect myself from being unmasked.” Esme got up and paced the room. “I folded under his questions like I was just arrived in the hells.”
“Which makes me wonder if you…”
“If I what?” Esme asked, facing her when her friend trailed off.
“If you…if youwantedhim to know,” Jane said softly.
“What?” Esme took a long step toward her. “No! Why would I want him to know? Why would I risk everything like that?”
“Because this life is hard. We pretend it’s fine, and it often is. But it’s not easy. And he gave you a glimpse at the comfortable life you once had. Perhaps part of you wanted him to know because he might be able to save you. To bring you back to what you once had.”
“After what I’ve done the last two years?” Esme said. “There’s no going back. Not ever. Those at the top wouldn’t allow that kind of pollution.” She scrubbed a hand over her face.
Jane pursed her lips. “Yes. There’s a reason the French built guillotines, isn’t there?”
That made Esme smile a little, for it was a statement they often made when they encountered the entitled. But the smile fell as she thought again at Finn’s focused concern. “He won’t stop. He cared for my father, so he won’t stop.”
“Then what’s the worst-case scenario? What do you need to protect yourself from?”
She sighed. “He’ll go to my cousin.”
Jane flinched. “A very worst-case scenario, indeed, since that bastard is a true threat. What do you do about that?”
Esme thought of that. In the backroom, with their clothes still akimbo from passion and Finn’s dark eyes boring into hers with shock and horror and desire all mixed, she hadn’t been able to think straight. She’d run because that was her nature now. But with distance, with Finn no longer in the room making everything upside down with his presence and his heat and his focus, she could truly analyze the situation.
“I-I suppose the best thing to do is to find Finn before he finds me, or goes to my cousin,” she reasoned slowly. “I need to make sure he understands that Francis isnotmy savior.”She shivered. “Even though that will require further confession. Further revelation of my soul.”
The very idea was terrifying. But what other choice did she have now?
Jane took a long, deep breath. “Under any other circumstances I’d tell you to stay far away from this man.”
“You already did,” Esme muttered.
“Yes, I’ll say I told you so some other time. But in this case, I think what you’ve suggested in the best option. Do you want me to come with you?”
There was something comforting about the idea that Jane would be there, an angel on her shoulder keeping her from making further mistakes. But then again, being alone with Finn again did have its advantages. And if she couldn’t convince him to her side in one way, perhaps she could use another. She certainly knew he wasn’t immune to her physical charms. Nor she to his.
“No,” she said softly. “I’ll handle it.”
Jane reached out and covered her hand gently. “Whatever happens next, I’m here.”
“I don’t deserve you,” Esme whispered.
“Of course you don’t, no one does!” Jane said playfully. “Now, do you want to know about the next chapter in our book?”
Esme smiled. Jane was trying to make things well for her and she appreciated it so deeply. She settled back and closed her eyes. “Tell me everything.”
She just hoped she wouldn’t have to tell Finn everything when she went to him. That she could protect some slender part of herself so he wouldn’t have seen all of her and make her entirely vulnerable.
CHAPTER 8
Finn clenched his jaw as he scribbled a letter. He hadn’t slept since last night when he’d departed the Donville Masquerade, his mind still reeling from all he knew, and all he didn’t know, about Esme.
The name really did fit her better than Charlotte. Rolled off the tongue just like her pleasure when he tasted her.
“Bollocks,” he muttered as he gripped the quill tighter and tried to focus on the words swimming before him. This was important, it had to do with his sister’s upcoming nuptials, and he owed it to her to give it his full attention.
