How had he not known he loved her before? How had it not been so clear?
“I’m taking you to a party.”
She wrinkled her brow. “What? We were just at a party.”
“Yes, but this one you weren’t invited to.”
Her brow wrinkled and confusion lined her face, but then a glimmer of understanding replaced it.
“That was what was on Claudia’s list, wasn’t it?” he said softly. “To attend a party to which you weren’t invited? And unless you crossed it off in the time we were parted, I think it’s something you still must attend to. I’d like to help, if you’d allow me.”
CHAPTER 24
Marianne struggled to breathe as she stared across the dimly lit carriage at Sebastian’s face. He was waiting for her to respond, but she couldn’t, not when information was hitting her from all sides. The most important of which was that Sebastian knew about the list. Heknew.
She swallowed and slowly withdrew her hand from his, even though to do so made her cold down to her bones. “I don’t know what you mean.”
He arched a brow. “I see. Well, since I’d like to get past this and to the more enjoyable parts of our evening, let me rush the next conversation. You’ve denied what I said, so I’ll tell you that Iknowabsolutely and without doubt. You’ll ask me how. I’ll shift and stammer because I recognize I did something wrong.”
“Wrong?” She sat up straighter. “What did you do?”
He tilted his head and his gaze held hers firmly. “The night you went to the hell with Lanford, Iwaslooking for you. And Ididgo into your chamber in the hopes we could talk. Honestly, I suppose it was in the hopes we might do more than talk because my body knew what my mind was not ready for.”
She wrinkled her brow at that statement, which she didn’t fully comprehend. “I?—”
He held up a hand. “I’ll tell you. I suppose I didtwowrong things. The first was entering your chamber without permission, the second was looking around when I realized you weren’t there. In the beginning, it was only out of curiosity.”
She couldn’t breathe. She clenched her hands in her lap, staring at him as he stood on the edge of dismantling her entirely. At least that was how dire this moment felt.
“And…and what did you find?” she gasped.
“Marianne,” he said gently. “You know what I found. You left the list out on the dressing table. I assume because you didn’t expect some ungentlemanly cad like the Earl of Ramsbury to come into your room uninvited. I wouldn’t have disturbed it, but I saw my name written in your notes. By the way, being alone with me definitely counts as being unescorted.”
She bent her head. “Yes. I wrote that part long before you even kissed me.”
“Hmmm.” He reached out and took her hand again. Now he linked his fingers through hers and tugged her over to his side of the carriage. When he wrapped his arm around her, tucking her against him, she couldn’t help but let out her breath in a shuddering sigh.
“You must have thought me the most ridiculous, pathetic fool when you saw it.” She refused to look at him when he gave his answer.
Only he didn’t allow her to hide. He slipped a finger beneath her chin and tilted her face up. “Never. Neveroncein all the years I’ve known you have I ever thought you ridiculous or pathetic and I never shall in all the years to come that I hope our lives will be intertwined.”
“Sebastian?” she whispered, her heart leaping at those words. They felt like he was offering a future. Could that be right? Or was he just reassuring her that their friendship was intact, even while he held her like a lover?
He smiled. “I only question why you didn’t tell me what was happening. You were using me to assist you in completing the list, that much is clear. Why not just be honest?”
She stared at her hands in her lap, pushing aside the questions his behavior inspired in her, at least for the moment. She was putting her hopes and feelings for him into this charged moment, she couldn’t read too much into it. “When Claudia died, I felt so alone. She was my closest friend and confidante. She left me her jewelry box, I’d always admired it. But when I received it, I realized there was something hidden inside.”
“The list,” he said softly.
“Yes, it was Claudia’s to start.” Tears stung her eyes. “She was so sick, so suddenly, and she must have been pondering her life. She wrote all these dreams, all these wild hopes of what to do if she lived. And when I saw them I also saw how empty I’d allowed my life to become. All I did was stand at walls, drink tea with other spinsters and sleep. What a sad, slow march to whatever end of my own life that will eventually come.”
He winced. “Hopefully not for many, many years.”
“I’m sure Claudia hoped that too. And her early loss made me want to-well, I suppose it made me want to do somethingnow. And yes, I used you to fulfill a few of those items because I-I trust you, Sebastian.”
Now his expression softened and his arm around her grew tighter. “I’m glad I’ve earned that. Even if I was a snoop in your chamber that night.”
“I’ll be honest that if I found myself in your chamber alone, I’d likely look at your things, too. And if I discovered something with my name on it, I’ddefinitelylook.” She sighed. “I was foolish to leave the list out. But I was on my way to meet Mr. Lanford and go to the hell, so I scribbled my note about it and then left it in my haste. And now you know it all.”
