“He met you in school,” she said softly. “What were you both? Ten?”
“Yes,” he said. “And immediately we were drawn to each other. I suppose with your own wretched parents, we must have recognized kindred spirits in that. We’d only been friends a few months when my mother died. I wasn’t allowed to attend her services—my father’s doing. And I…I admit I collapsed. Your brother held me up. That solidified our bond.”
“Hebecameyour brother,” she said.
“He did. He is.”
They both were quiet for a moment, lost in thought in the quiet of the room. Then she leaned over and pressed a brief kiss to his lips before she slipped from the bed and began hunting around for her shift amongst their tangled clothing on the floor.
“I would never threaten that, you know,” she said as she found the item and tugged it over her head, covering herself. “I wouldneverdo anything to take him from you. He won’t find out about this. It will be our secret.”
He stared at her, standing in the firelight, so beautiful with her hair tangled around her shoulders, in the flimsiest of fabrics. Her expression was only kindness and understanding, acceptance of the limitations he would force on this joining.
Why couldn’t he feel the same acceptance? Why did her gentle release of him from obligation make him frustrated rather than relieved?
He pushed the troubling thoughts aside and got to his feet too. Once he had dressed in his trousers, he faced her. “You are too good, Marianne. Too sweet.”
Her lips thinned as if that wasn’t a compliment. Still, she shrugged. “I do try. Now will you help me dress?”
He wrinkled his brow. “Dress?”
“Yes. I’m going to fix myself and then call for my maid. I’ll tell her I was reading late into the night and dozed off. She’ll help me undress and it will be like any other night. She’ll never know that it was, in fact, so magical and wondrous.”
He nodded slowly. “That’s very clever, not that I would expect less. Yes, I’ll help you.”
He did so, trying not to note every brush of his fingers as he fastened her dress, not to get lost as he watched her put her stockings on and tie the ribbons he’d loosened with his teeth as she writhed above him.
At last she was fixed and he dressed, too, feeling her watch him from the corner of her eye from time to time.
“You know,” he said as he fastened his waistcoat and shrugged on his jacket. “If you want to try living some more, I’m happy to continue helping you.”
She tilted her head. “Are you?”
He nodded and thought of her list. “You said you wanted to return to a hell. Please let me escort you if you insist on doing that. I’ll keep you far safer that that twat Lanford did.”
She shook her head. “Lanford. Do you think he’ll spread the word of this night?”
“No. He’d be a fool to do so and risk your brother’s wrath. But I’ll talk to him again tomorrow and ensure it.”
“You would do that to protect me?” she asked, staring up at him with those brown eyes soft and filled with emotions he didn’t want to define for fear he’d melt back into her.
“Of course. And myself,” he said, turning away as if all this was nothing. “Delacourt would be furious if he knew you snuck out and I didn’t inform him.”
He moved through the antechamber and to the door that led to the hallway and she followed him. There they both stopped and she smiled up at him. She was so beautiful in that moment that he almost forgot how to breathe as he stared at her. It set him on his heels, took him off center and he had to physically force himself to return.
“Thank you again, Sebastian. I’ll never forget this night.”
He cupped her cheek, stroking his thumb over the softness there and sighed. “No, I don’t think I will either.”
He leaned in and kissed her. It would be the last time he’d do this. It had to be. So he savored it. Savored how she leaned up into him, how she shivered as her hands gripped his forearms to steady herself. Savored her taste and the way her tongue traced his.
Then he stepped away because he had to. Walked away because he had to. And feared he had left something very important behind with her. Something he hadn’t realized was so deep a part of himself. Something he had to forget as he made his way back to his own chamber and what he knew would be a long and sleepless night.
CHAPTER 17
The next morning, Marianne stared at her reflection in the mirror as Hannah stood behind her fixing her hair. She felt she ought to look different after her passionate night in Sebastian’s arms, but somehow she was still just…her. He hadn’t made her different, at least not where anyone could see.
She forced a smile at her maid. “I do want to apologize, Hannah, for waking you so late last night. I cannot believe I fell asleep fully dressed.”
