Vanessa was watching them back and forth as the arguments that always sat beneath the surface bubbled to the forefront. She placed a hand on Darrius’s bare arm, a calming element in the midst of a storm he’d been fighting for so long.
“Have you been together before?” she asked, just as gently.
He looked down at her, but he saw no censor, no judgment. None of the things he feared when he pictured truly surrendering himself this way. And she had asked Darrius to touch Benedict, hadn’t she? He drew a shallow breath and looked at Benedict.
“Yes,” he admitted, the first time he’d said it out loud to any other person.
Her lips parted. “More than once?”
Benedict nodded. “Yes. Although perhaps he would only admit the one time.”
Darrius flopped back on the bed with a curse. But it didn’t stop Vanessa from shaking her head and pressing forward. “What…what does that mean, Darrius?”
He clutched the coverlet with his fists, as if the feel of the fabric could center him. It didn’t. Nothing could now. He was spiraling toward an end he’d always known would come. From the first moment he met Benedict Norfolk in school and felt the powerful, passionate draw to him that had never left. Even when he tried to force it away. Ignore it away.
“Two years ago we had an…encounter…after a night of drinking in London,” he admitted softly.
“And since then?” Benedict encouraged.
Darrius glared at him. “If you want to tell it so badly, then you do it.”
Benedict broke their stare and looked at her instead. “Since then, there have been a handful more encounters. But always at clubs for gentlemen of…certain desires. Always masked. Always anonymous where he can pretend he isn’t him and I’m not me. Where I can be a meaningless cock in the dark that he sucks. We’ve never discussed it.”
“Until now,” Darrius said. “We’re discussing it now.”
“Why do you…hide like that?” she asked. “Is it only Society’s judgment or something more?”
Darrius hesitated. To tell her that was to open a door he might never be able to close. It would tell her more about him than he felt comfortable sharing with anyone. Even her. Even him. At some point he would have to, he thought. If marriage to her was on the table, she would need to know his…limitations. Especially when the way she touched him made him long for more.
But right now, he didn’t want to do that.
It was like she saw it. Her expression softened and she rolled to half cover him. She cupped his cheeks and kissed him gently, almost like she was offering balm on a wound he kept pretending didn’t exist. When she drew back, she pushed from his bed.
“Let me see,” she whispered. “If I cannot hide from you, I don’t want you to hide from me. Please, Darrius, let me see.”
His lips parted and he shifted his stare to Benedict. But of course he wouldn’t offer sanity in the midst of this madness. When it came to desire, Benedict always demanded more. And now his expression pleaded as much as hers.
“Please, Darrius,” he said, repeating her words as he edged closer.
Darrius shivered as Benedict cupped his cheek. He didn’t turn away when he leaned in. He didn’t stop him when he bent his head and did the one thing Darrius had wanted and always denied himself.
Benedict kissed him.
Darrius had been avoiding just this thing for years because he’d pictured how powerful it would be. And he hadn’t been wrong. Benedict took his lips, drove his tongue past them to war with his, and it was…everything. Everything he’d dreamed, everything he’d wanted, everything he’d feared in the dark of night when all he could think about was this man. He was carried away by it, by the passion of the kiss and the emotions that roared to the surface of his mind and body and soul.
He couldn’t pull away, so he didn’t. He hauled Benedict over him, holding him tighter, tasting every inch of his mouth as Benedict arched against him and moaned his name like he was drowning. At least they would sink together.
Benedict pulled back, staring down into Darrius’s face, like he was seeing him for the first time. Then he smiled. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He leaned back down and kissed him more gently. “So fucking long.”
Darrius lifted against him, relief and love flowing through him. Love for this man that terrified him. He pushed it away and focused instead on the feel of Benedict’s hand gliding down his side, nails raking gently along his ribs so that he shivered.
Benedict pulled back from the kiss. “You did such a good job with your mouth, Vanessa,” he whispered.
Darrius followed his stare. Vanessa was still standing by the bed, eyes shining with desire as she watched them.
“But,” Benedict continued, “I want to show you a little more. If you’ll let me.”
Darrius moaned. Every time he and Benedict had come smashing together, masked and pretending, he had been the one to take Benedict in his mouth. So he wouldn’t lose control. But now he couldn’t hold back anymore. This was happening and he wanted to enjoy every moment.
