“Hmmm.” He seemed to ponder that a moment. “I cannot say I was always well-behaved. Acting out, being seen as wild—they were ways to thwart my father when I had no other outlet to do so.” His expression twisted for a moment and he darted his gaze away.
She nodded. “It must have driven him mad.”
“I don’t know.” Theo shook his head. “He never gave me much reaction to anything, to be honest.”
“That must have bothered you.” She leaned forward and put her hands on his. He stared at their intertwined fingers a moment.
“I…” He let out a shaky breath. “I would tell anyone else but you that I didn’t care about him. That he was a crusty old bastard and couldn’t do a thing to hurt me. But with you, with you I must be honest, mustn’t I?”
She’d been telling herself how dangerous it was to share herself with this man, and yet the idea that he might do the same with her didn’t feel fraught. She wanted to know more about him. Wanted to take his secrets and keep them safe, keep him safe.
“You can always be honest with me, Theo,” she said softly. “We’re old friends, after all.”
His nostrils flared ever so slightly. “Yes. We are that. The honest answer to your question is that from the day I was born to the day he died, I wanted his approval. I hated myself for it. I sometimes still hate myself for it.”
“Why?” she asked, tightening her hands against his. “It’s natural to want the love and attention of our parents. It’s natural to look to them for acceptance. I know what it’s like not to find it.”
He frowned. “Yes. Do you see the earl and countess much?”
She flinched. She had never discussed her parents with Theo. “Only if it’s unavoidable at parties. And when they demand an audience every month either at my home or their own.”
He reached across and touched her hand. “What are those visits like?”
“Brief. Cold.” She sighed. “They want to marry me off again. My father sees my availability as something he can leverage, just as he did the first time.”
Theo’s lips parted. “Is he pressing that case?”
“He hasn’t much authority to do so,” Bernadette said with a shrug. “Tunbridge was a great many things, but he left me well settled. I answer to no one now. My father can groan and demand and carp all he likes when he recalls that I exist. But he can’t force me to wed again.”
Theo nodded slowly. “Do you think…do you think you would ever wed again of your own volition?”
She drew back in surprise at the question. One she was not forced to answer because the carriage pulled to a stop in front of Montagu House. She smiled at the familiar lines of the big building. “Oh, this is my favorite museum in London.”
He smiled as the door opened and he moved to go out first to help her down. “Shall we?”
He extended a hand to her and she stared at it. He was only asking her about going into the building, but somehow the question felt like it bore the weight of the world. Or at least of whatever their relationship was or could be.
So she didn’t answer, because she found herself incapable of it, and merely took his hand so they could begin their day. She could only hope that looking at art and manuscripts and all the magic contained within those walls would clear her head a little.
Before she got confused over what was, what could be and what was just fantasy.
* * *
If Theo had gone into the museum in love with Etta, following her around the space had only made him feel those feelings more. Just like at the play the night before, he was enchanted by her utter focus on the art and sculptures contained within these walls. It was clear she was no casual patron, for she could give all kinds of details about many of the pieces and did so with a rapt, thrilled expression.
He could have followed her like a puppy through the halls forever. Currently she was standing in front of one of the newest exhibits of sculpture from the Parthenon in Greece.
“Look at the detail on the horse’s face,” she breathed. “Isn’t it magnificent?”
“What do you think of the recent report about the removal of the items from their homeland?” he asked. “The controversy.”
She frowned. “As much as I like to look at the pieces, it seems wrong, no matter how much the report claimed it was done correctly. I’d rather see these things stay in their natural environments.”
“Would you wish to go to Greece?” he asked, his mind dancing with visions of her floating through those ancient places at his side, discovering new history to be lost in. Eating amazing cuisine together. Making love to her as the soft sounds of the Mediterranean floating in through gauzy curtains on a hot night.
“Oh, it would be a great privilege to do so. But truly, I wish to goanywhere,” she admitted. “It’s one thing to live alone, and quite another to go travel alone as a lady. I fear I must content myself with books.”
“Hmmm,” he said, drawing his watch from his pocket. “Speaking of books, I think it might be time to go to our next stop.”
