“It’s…” Bernadette couldn’t find the words to describe it. “It’s marvelous, but that’s not enough of a word to encompass it. He makes me feel so alive, Flora. Like I was sleeping all my life and now I’m wide awake. He can be tender, he can be bold, he can be wild, it’s all about what I want or need in that moment.”
Flora’s expression softened. “That’s wonderful, you deserve nothing less. And how do you feel?”
Bernadette shook her head. “I’m not sure I understand. Didn’t I just say that?”
Flora caught Bernadette’s hand and folded it so it rested on her own heart. “I’m asking how youfeel.”
And there was the most dangerous question of all. Bernadette moved her hand away from her suddenly pounding heart and shook her head. “Theo and I are friends, that hasn’t changed. In fact, spending more time together has likely strengthened that friendship, which is very nice. But we’ve been clear with each other that to expect more would be foolish. I-I can’t afford to be foolish.”
“Because you have already been disappointed and you’re afraid of having it happen again.”
It was like Flora had stabbed her with that simple statement. Bernadette turned her head and stared blankly at the fireplace across the room. She drew a few long breaths. She wanted to deny that, to pretend it away, to build a wall but she found she couldn’t. Flora was right.
“Yes,” she whispered at last. “Exactly because of that.”
They were both silent for a moment and then Flora said, “Bernadette.”
She pivoted back to face her dearest friend and shook her head. “Please don’t. I know what you want to say, what you and the rest of our dearest friends wish to have happen. But I can’t. He won’t. That is the end of it. I must be happy with this wonderful time we’re having and accept that it is all there will be. All there can be. To hope for more or wish for more will only ruin the time I have right now.”
Flora sighed. “I have so many things I want to say or encourage, but I respect that you know what is best for you.”
“Thank you,” Bernadette replied, filled with both relief and regret.
“Roarke and I are going to a play tonight and we’re in Callum and Valaria’s box. Why don’t you and Theo join us?”
Bernadette pursed her lips. “After what we just discussed? What you’re describing is courtship!"
“It is not,” Flora argued. “You’ve come to plays and parties with Theo in attendance before.”
Bernadette wanted to argue, but she blinked as she realized she couldn’t. “I…oh, you’re right. I suppose we have.” Still, it felt different now. It would be different, even if she tried to deny that fact to her friend and to herself. “Fine. If you ask him and he wishes to do so, I’ll be happy to attend. It would be nice to get out a little.”
“Excellent! I’ll have Roarke issue the invitation as soon as we’re finished with tea. You can say good day to him, as well. I know he’d love to see you.”
Bernadette nodded but sucked in a hard breath. “Flora…please…please don’t tell him what you know.”
“About you and Theo?”
“Yes. I-I don’t want him to know. Or Callum. I will tell Valaria myself when she returns.”
Flora looked a little confused by that request, but she inclined her head. “Of course. It’s not my secret to tell and I won’t if you don’t want me to. Why don’t I ring the bell and have him come in now? He can eat the last few biscuits and you can hear exactly what I say to him just so you feel comfortable, yes?”
Bernadette nodded and watched as her friend moved over to make the arrangements. But even though Flora was trying to make her as comfortable as possible, she still felt anxious. After all, the secret was now out. And in telling it, Bernadette feared she’d gotten a little closer to heartache.
One she would have to fight very hard to avoid.
CHAPTER12
Theo hadn’t planned to go to a play with Etta that night. No, his intentions had leaned more toward naked skin, a hot bath and their bodies intertwined for as long as she would allow it before she fled from his house and into the night.
But now, sitting in Callum and Valaria’s box in the Theatre Royal at Covent Garden, he was actually happy to be out with their friends and her. It felt comfortable, right.Andit gave him the chance to watch Etta under a far different circumstance than when she was arching beneath him in his bed.
While a great many attendees of plays talked their way through the entertainment and were there to be seen, not to partake in the arts, she was as different in this as she was in everything else. She leaned against the rail, watching the actors perform with rapt attention. Her eyes shone in the candlelight as she took in every word and movement.
She looked stunning. She wore a gorgeous blue gown with intricate stitching along the bodice and skirt that depicted flowers. Her hair was piled loosely on her head in a Grecian style. She was everything to look at and it was difficult for him not to reach over in the dimness of the box and take her hand.
He might have at that, if Roarke and Flora weren’t right there, both watching them like they knew something was going on. He wouldn’t feed their interest and create even more confusion to a situation that was already becoming more and more blurred by the moment.
The last line was shouted by the actor on stage and the stage lights dropped dramatically, signaling the end of the first act and the beginning of intermission. As servants scurried to light more candles and raise the illumination of the house, Etta smiled over at him.
