She buried her head back against his shoulder so he wouldn’t see her expression. She feared it revealed too much about what these moments meant to her. She couldn’t share that with him.
He smoothed his hands over her arms and gently lifted her hand. “Did the cravat hurt your wrists?”
She looked and saw there was a little redness from where she’d pulled against the bindings, even though she didn’t even remember doing so, she’d been so lost in this man.
“No,” she said. “Not at all.”
He kissed the discoloration. “Did you like it?”
She drew a shaky breath. “I did. Did you?”
“Mmm-hmmm,” he murmured. “I like any way that I get to put my hands on you.” He got up. “Now let me get a cloth and I’ll help clean up the mess I made.”
He kissed her gently and then got to his feet and padded naked to the basin across the room. She watched him prepare a cloth, wide-eyed at both the idea that he would take care of her like he was, and that she liked it so much.
And for a while, she pushed aside the fact that allowing this care was dangerous. Allowing her heart to beat faster for him, even more so. She would end it before it went too far, but for now she just wanted to enjoy it.
CHAPTER11
Bernadette stared out the window at the gently falling snow and tried desperately to listen to Flora as she talked about a book they’d both been reading. She wanted to be attentive and open to her friend, but her mind was spinning.
She and Theo had been coming together for passionate assignations at his city estate for five days. Every night was wonderful, every touch was powerful.
And every time it was over, she gathered her things and left him, just as they had agreed. She was too afraid to ask to violate their rule and stay, even though some nights leaving that warm bed and his warmer arms was almost impossible. He never crossed that line either. But she tried to comfort herself that she was having the wild and wonderful affair of her fantasies and that was definitely enough.
At least that was what she told herself when she was alone and thinking of him and trying not to allow herself to go into thoughts of their friendship, of how well matched they seemed to be in other ways outside his bed.
“Bernadette?”
She jolted as she remembered herself. She’d come to Flora and Roarke’s home for tea with her friend after so many days of being “too busy”. Of course, Flora had been equally entangled.
“My apologies,” Bernadette said with a laugh. “I was clearly woolgathering.”
“I would say you were,” Flora replied. “I said your name three times before you jolted out of that dreamy state.”
“You should be one to talk about dreamy,Mrs. Desmond,” Bernadette said playfully. “If your husband so much as passes a door, you start batting your eyelashes and sighing like you’re a heroine in some book.”
Flora’s cheeks pinkened and she ducked her head with a secret little smile. “Fine, I admit I am still distracted by Roarke and act a little like a romantic fool. So that’s my excuse. What isyours, Bernadette?”
The question took Bernadette off guard, though perhaps it shouldn’t have. She already knew her friends had suspicions about her friendship with Theo. They had suspicions about her odd behavior since even before Valaria and Cullen’s wedding. And she’d kept the truth from them because speaking it out loud, especially the parts about Theo, felt…dangerous.
“If you think I’m dreamy, you’re just seeing yourself through my eyes,” Bernadette lied. “I think I’ll get some more tea.”
As she started to get up, Flora caught her hand, keeping her where she sat. She held Bernadette’s stare for a moment. “Do you not trust me?”
Bernadette swallowed. “Of course I trust you. You are my best friend, both you and Valaria. And you and I have known each other even longer. I trust you.”
“I can tell something is going on. Both Valaria and I can see it—your face is too open to easily lie. And I don’t want to pry, I truly don’t. If you tell me to sod off, I will and I won’t bother you about whatever is happening. But perhaps I could help.”
Bernadette was shocked by the tears that leapt to her eyes at those words. Why was she so emotional about this? She and Theo were very clear on what they had. What they didn’t have.
Except that clarity of purpose wasn’t exactly translating to a protection of her heart, which was her greater problem. She let out her breath in a wobbly sigh and stared at Flora. Perhaps therewouldbe some good in talking about this. Flora might even have some advice on how to best remain detached emotionally.
And at least she wouldn’t have to keep gripping this secret so tight to her chest where it sometimes felt like it hurt more than it helped. And the only other person she could talk to about it was Theo, which was an even worse idea.
“Fine,” she said through lightly gritted teeth. “You aren’t wrong. I have been…keeping something from you and Valaria.”
Flora tightened her grip on Bernadette’s hand. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here for you, dearest.”
