He recoiled at that assessment.“A man of my experience?”he repeated.“Please don’t disregard who I am and what I feel so easily, Valaria.Not to make that the reason you would walk away.I have been with other women, yes, but if you think for one moment that what I felt for them, what I wanted from them was anything compared to what it’s like the moment I…” He hesitated.To tell her his heart now was risking a great deal.But if he didn’t, he risked even more.“The moment I see you across a room.The moment I touch you.There is no one in this world like you, Valaria, not for me.”
She pushed to her feet and staggered back, like those words were weapons.He saw the terror in her eyes.
“Don’t try to manipulate me,” she gasped out.“Not you.”
He also stood and his voice elevated.“I’m not.Goddamn it, Valaria, don’t you understand that I love you?”
He moved toward her as he said those words and to his shock, his horror, she turned, cowering slightly, her hands lifted as if to keep him from striking her.
He immediately stopped, dropped his hands to his sides to show her he was no threat.She slowly straightened and their eyes locked.A world of understanding flowed between them and his heart broke as the thing he had suspected but never asked became clear.Silas had not only been verbally cruel to her.
And that explained everything.
“I would never hurt you,” he whispered.
Her hands were shaking.“You can’t promise me that, Callum.”She backed away, still wary, still guarded, never responding to his declaration that he loved her, only the physical fear he had put into her.“I’m sorry.Goodbye.”
Only at the door did she pivot before she raced into the hall and away from him.He wanted to follow her, but after watching her reaction, he knew that was the wrong thing to do.She had clearly spent a great many years, too many, being physically controlled and harmed.He would not be the next man to make her feel that threat.
He would not force her into something, even if he knew that they could be happy if she could see her way past that fear.
Slowly, he sank back into the chair before the fire.He covered his eyes with one hand and let the devastation wash over him.Because that’s all one could do when one had lost the love of one’s life.
* * *
Valaria threw herself into the carriage and sucked in a few heaving breaths as she waited for Fanny to step in behind her.She wanted to maintain some modicum of control in front of her servant.Fanny might know all her secrets, but that didn’t mean Valaria wished to be weak in front of her.No, she wanted to save her breakdown for when she was alone, when no one would see the vulnerability.But there was no way to do it.The emotions rolled up in her and overtook like a tidal wave on a helpless beach.
Callum had said he loved her.Those words rang in her ears and through her soul like a church bell declaring some joyful Hosanna.No man had ever loved her.Not her father, not her brothers, certainly not her husband.
Butthisman, with all his gentleness and passion, with his decency and intelligence, helovedher.Or he thought he did.But his story of how Silas had saved him, while it explained some of Callum’s blind allegiance to her late husband over the years…it also made her realize exactly what would happen if the truth of what she’d done, who she was, came out.
Callum wouldn’t love her anymore.He would despise her, just as everyone would despise her.Just as she often despised herself.
She slumped against the seat and began to cry then.Fanny’s eyes went wide before she lurched to Valaria’s side of the carriage and gathered her to her chest.“What is it, Your Grace?”
“I ended it,” she managed between gasping sobs that seemed to come from her gut.“I ended it with him.”
Fanny’s arms tightened around her and she began to smooth her hair gently.“Oh, Your Grace.”
The pity was heavy in Fanny’s voice and it stabbed through Valaria’s upset.She could not be so weak.Slowly, she was able to manage her sobs and sat up.
“I was a fool to think I could have such a pretty thing for myself.Not after what I did.You were right, it was too risky.But surely he will hate me now.”She shivered as she thought of Callum’s abject horror when she had recoiled from him in the parlor.“And he’ll forget.”
Fanny’s expression softened.“I am sorry.”
“I-I can’t be sorry.I must be strong,” Valaria whispered, more to herself than to her servant.
Fanny frowned at that declaration, but she produced a handkerchief.Valaria cleaned herself up carefully and then stared out the carriage window as the vehicle turned them back toward home.By the time she got there, she would have to find a way to put the mask back on again.She had let it slip a little with Callum, but she couldn’t do that ever again.
