He tensed and tried to keep his tone neutral. “Have you?”
She nodded. “You said to me at the very beginning of this that you knew me. That you could feel what I desired because we have always been so open about pleasure and need. So please don’t underestimate me and think I can’t do the very same thing when it comes to you.”
He stared at her a moment, her fiery red hair around her shoulders, her blue-green eyes never hesitating as they held his. She was nothing but acceptance and grace in that moment. And he had never loved her more. It had never frightened him more to feel that feeling that he always tried to push aside and write off as folly. Something that a man in his position didn’t pursue.
He swallowed. “I would never be so foolish as to underestimate you, my lady,” he said. “But what I want or don’t want…it isn’t even something I understand.”
She opened her mouth as if to say something more, but Peter stepped forward. “Merry, give us a moment.”
She blinked up at Elliot for a beat before she turned toward him. “But I—”
Peter shook his head and came to her, taking her hands and lifting them to kiss each one in turn. “Just a moment. Please.”
Elliot recognized her expression of annoyance. Like the true lady of the manor that she was, Merritt had never liked being left out of important life decisions. Yet she didn’t argue with Peter, as she might have done with Elliot. She simply inclined her head and said, “ThenIwill find food.”
She pivoted back to Elliot and smiled at him gently before she lifted up and kissed him. Then she stepped from the room and shut the door behind herself.
Leaving Elliot alone with the subject of his vexation, of his jealousy…of his desire. All were troubling emotions to have boiling in his chest all at once.
“When I first accepted what I am,” Peter said gently, “it was odd. After all, we are raised that there is only one path upon which desire must flow.” He motioned his head toward the door where Merritt had just left. “Toward her. Toward others likeher.”
“And it does,” Elliot said, and meant it with all his heart and soul. “Always. Forever.”
“Of course it does,” Peter said. “No one could watch you together and not know that your attraction to her is powerful and real and complete. But desire isn’t a river—there isn’t only one inlet and outlet, one direction to move.” He moved to the window and pulled back the curtain. In the distance, the bright blue ocean sparkled in the sunshine. “It is more like the sea. It comes and goes, it rises and falls. It swirls and draws us to wherever it pleases. There isnothingwrong with a river. There is nothing wrong with the sea.”
Elliot choked on a humorless laugh. “And when did you know that you were a…a seafaring man?”
Peter smiled. “Shall we drop the metaphor?”
“Perhaps it would be easier.”
“When I was tossed out of Merry’s house, I was devastated.” Peter’s gaze grew troubled. “To lose her, to lose the future I’d begun to hope for, to lose the life I’d always known…”
Elliot felt this Peter’s pain. And beneath it, this man’s love for Merritt. One that hadn’t died, no matter how many years stretched between them.
Peter continued, “But in the end, the world opened up for me. I found freedom, including in the desires I’d tried to repress my entire life. I began to work in a theatre and one night, in the wings, while a soprano was singing an aria for the ages…one of the actors came to stand beside me. I’d told myself for weeks that I only admired him. That I was interested in his talents and nothing else. That was why I couldn’t stop thinking about him, dreaming about him. But when he reached out to take my hand, when he pressed me against the curtains and kissed me…I knew. I knew the truth that had always been there.”
Elliot shivered at the image. At the memories it sparked. “When I was younger, my fantasies when I pulled myself off were always of both men and women. But everything around me, every message I received made it very clear to me that it would be unacceptable for the first son of a marquess to enter such dangerous areas. I pushed that desire away. And then there was Merritt. And I knew she would be enough for me. Sheisenough.”
“It’s not about enough,” Peter whispered. “It’s about being who you truly are. For some that only means accepting that attraction isn’t limited. They never do a thing about it, just as a man only attracted to women may be entirely faithful to one, but notice others in a fleeting way.”
Elliot nodded. That made sense. Passing attraction was very different than acting on it.
Peter stepped toward him, closing some of the distance that separated them. Elliot’s heart seemed to leap into his throat and he recognized with a powerful certainty that this wasnota passing attraction.
“For others, they must act. They need to act.” Peter reached out and slid his fingers along the edge of Elliot’s dressing gown. His short cut and perfectly manicured nails lightly abraded the skin beneath. “I need to act, Elliot. And judging from the way you surged into my hand today when I touched you, you want to act, too. Youneedto act.”
Elliot could hear the breath gasping in and out of his lungs. Peter was so close he could smell the clean scent of his skin, mixed with the earthiness of Merritt that still clung to his lips. He wanted to taste that on Peter. He wanted to taste himself and her and Peter all at once.
Peter seemed to understand that unspoken truth. Seemed to understand that Elliot couldn’t yet be the one who moved, despite a lifetime of taking control when it came to desire.
Peter gripped the edge of the dressing gown and tugged Elliot against him. His mouth grazed Elliot’s chin, his jaw, his cheek, and finally Peter took his lips.
CHAPTER8
Peter
Peter had kissed a great many people in his life, both men and women. But as he took Elliot’s lips, he recognized that this was more than a kiss. It felt like coming home. And that had only ever happened with one other person: Merry.
