They weren’t two bodies warring for release. They were one person in that moment, and when she jerked against him this time, he pushed her on her back and ground her through the crisis. And then he pulled away and the heat of him splashed against her stomach as he moaned her name into the quiet of the room.
He rolled onto his side, back to her when it was over. She followed tucking herself around him as she smoothed her hands over him, across his chest, through his hair. She traced the area of his arm around his bandage and kissed his shoulder, tasting the salt of him on her lips.
His breath shuddered out, so soft and so painful that her heart broke for him. He pivoted to look at her, their faces inches apart. His brow furrowed low as he let a finger drag across her jawline, her lips, around the shape of her ear. She shivered at the intimacy of that.
But then he frowned, and she knew he would take it all away despite her fight to make him give it.
“I can’t,” he said.
She shut her eyes. She didn’t need an explanation of what he meant bycan’t. They both knew what he meant.
“Why?” she whispered.
“Ican’tlove you, Imogen,” he declared as he pushed away from her. He sat on the edge of the bed, his shoulders rolled forward in defeat. “If I can love you, I can lose you. And I’m not doing that again.”
He got up and gathered his clothing from the floor, piling it in his arms without putting any of it on. As she watched him, she shook her head and sat up. She’d been drawn in by this man, intrigued by him, connected to him, felt guilty for what she’d cost him. But in the weeks they had spent together she had never feltangrywith him. Until that moment.
“You coward,” she whispered.
He jerked his head up and glared at her. “What did you call me?”
“A coward,” she repeated. “Today I almostlostyou, Oscar. So what does that mean? Can you say it? Can you face it?”
He stared at her, unblinking for what felt like a lifetime. Then he shook his head. “This was sex, Imogen. Don’t confuse it or we both risk…we risk something I’m not willing to risk.”
He didn’t wait for her response, he just stepped out of the room, completely naked, and shut the door behind himself, leaving her alone with the realization that this man already loved her.
And that he might never allow himself to nurture that, or her. That broke her more than almost anything else she’d faced in the last lonely year of her life.
She threw a pillow at the door with a grunt and then flopped back on the bed, letting her arm come over her eyes. She’d hoped that after today, she might have some answers about what to do next.
But there were only more questions than ever.
* * *
Oscar was on his third drink when there was a knock at the small chamber’s door. He glanced up at it, his heart jumping almost out of his chest.
“Imogen?” he said as he moved to the door, but when he opened it, only the butler for the safe house stood there.
“I apologize for the interruption, sir, but you have a visitor.”
“A visitor?” Oscar said, blinking at the man as he tried to clear his foggy head. “Who would know we’re here?”
“There is no danger, I assure you,” the butler said. “She comes with a password from the Duke of Willowby, himself, or she would not have been allowed in. I only didn’t know if you’d like to see someone in your current…er…” He glanced down, and Oscar tightened his dressing gown at his waist. “Your current state.”
“Who is it?” he asked.
“Miss Joanna Fitzhugh,” he said.
“My mother,” Oscar said, and shook his head. “And have you also knocked on Mrs. Huxley’s door?” He winced at that thought. He wasn’t sure he had the strength to face Imogen after what he’d said and done.
“The maid who assisted her earlier said that she was asleep, so I didn’t think it wise. But I can rouse her if you’d like,” the butler said.
“No. Let her sleep. She’s earned that,” Oscar said softly. “And yes, I’ll see my mother. Give me a moment and I’ll meet her downstairs.”
“Very good.” The butler bowed away and left him.
Oscar sighed. He had been in hiding for all of a handful of hours, but of course his mother would find him straight away. Through Will, no doubt, since he would have come in contact with the Duke of Willowby when he arrived to survey the damage to the club, as he had been called to do.
