Did he belong here? Here in his brother’s home? In the few days since his arrival, he’d found himself looking from place to place, thinking of his late mother and what she must have endured here. Where her place had been. How it had been used against her.
He blinked and pushed those hard thoughts away. They were replaced by others. Because it wasn’t just the house that made him question himself. He wasn’t sure he belonged in the family Roseford was starting to build with their half-brother Morgan and half-sister Selina and their spouses. They were all so similar. He was so different.
And Roseford had friends here, too. A member of his found family. The Duke of Northfield and his wife. He seemed a good man, honorable and welcoming.
But the discomfort Nicholas felt continued. Because he’d always been lost between two worlds.
“You look very pensive.”
He slowly pushed to his feet, a lingering whisper of pain jolting through him as he did so, and forced a smile for his sister as she entered the room. Selina was lovely, as she had always been lovely, with her dark hair and bright blue eyes. But it was different now. She was different. She had married an old friend of Nicholas’s from the army, Derrick Huntington, and the new couple’s passion for each other was palpable.
“Did I look pensive?” Nicholas asked as she crossed to him and bussed his cheek. “I must have been caught up in my reading.”
She arched a brow at him as she went to the sideboard and poured them both tea. She winked before she added a splash of whisky to the cups and then handed it over. He took the brew, shaking his head at her as they sat together. When he sipped it, he coughed and her laughter filled the room.
“Now is the point where I call you a liar,” Selina said, drinking her tea without so much as clearing her throat. “You weren’t reading. You were brooding. It doesn’t suit those of our ilk, Nicholas. Roseford sons and daughters do not brood.”
He knew she was trying to lighten the mood, but his frown pulled deeper. “I’ve never been the typical Roseford offspring, though, have I? Iwasbrooding. I’ll admit it since I know you well enough to recognize you won’t let this go until I’ve given you my heart and soul.”
Selina’s brow wrinkled. “I hope I can be trusted with your words, if not the rest.”
He met her stare. It had come out the previous summer that his sister was a master thief. He’d been horrified as well as impressed, but had watched her rebuild herself ever since, with the help of Derrick.
“You can be, I know that,” he said evenly, and she smiled in thanks. “It’s not about that… I just…in the day that I’ve been here, I’ve already felt outside looking in.”
Selina pursed her lips. “Because of the duke connection? All those dukes our brother calls friends? You want to be one of them, don’t you? Marquess of Songstrum, and I’ll have to ‘my lord’ you all over town.”
He shook his head. “You’ve never ‘my lorded’ anyone and I doubt you’ll start with me. Yes, I…I want this. Iwantthe title, Selina. I know you don’t understand, neither does Morgan. But I want the respect that goes along with the title. I want…I want the knowledge that certain things can’t be taken from me.”
“Taken from you?” Selina repeated. “What do you mean? What was taken from you, Nicholas, that you think you can get back with a title?”
He flinched as his mind flashed to dark blonde hair, warm brown eyes, soft lips brushing his, a honeyed tone saying his name like it was the only thing that mattered.
“Nothing specific,” he lied, pushing back to his feet and slowly making his way to the window. “I don’t know, I’m just being maudlin, ignore me.”
“I won’t ignore you, but since the subject seems a painful one I will change it. Do you think some of your feeling out of place is because all these people around you are part of couples? And not just any couples, but in love?”
He faced her, his lips tight. She was watching him closely, one fine eyebrow arched as if she already knew the answer. “Are you matchmaking, sister?”
Her smile was instant, wide and catching. “Can you imagine me as a matchmaker? I’d be rubbish! No, I’m just making the observation that you might be feeling excluded because you haven’t found someone to match with.” She stepped closer. “Is there anyone in your life who makes your heart beat faster? Have you ever wanted someone and only that someone?”
Before he could find an answer to that troubling question, there was a racket from the hallway. Servants rushing and voices calling out. Nicholas wrinkled his brow. “What’s that about?”
Selina shrugged. “I think Katherine invited a friend to join our party. She was saying something about it during our walk yesterday. Lady…Lady something or another. What was it?”
Nicholas laughed. “No one is less interested in the upper class than you are.”
“Probably because not so long ago, I was very interested in them for what my husband says are the wrong reasons.” She shook her head.
“Well, why don’t we go see who this person is?” Nicholas said. “I won’t even mention it if you are taking a quiet inventory of the lady’s jewels.”
“Old habits,” Selina said, and took his arm. They made their way up the hall slowly and were met near the foyer by Selina’s husband.
Derrick was tall and held himself like the military man he’d once been. He nodded to Nicholas, his gaze flitting to his leg before he said, “I heard the commotion. This must be our final guest.”
Selina slipped from Nicholas’s side and took her husband’s arm instead. As she stared up at him, Nicholas couldn’t help but flinch. He’d tried to ignore his sister’s observation that some of his troubles might be because he was alone in a house full of people in love. Now he watched his sister and her husband walk in front of him, her fingers all but vibrating on Derrick’s bicep, and the twinge of jealousy ripped through him.
But there was no way to explain that to his family. No way to change it. His life was what it was, and a grand romance like the ones his siblings had lived out, continued to live out, was not in the future for him.
