He watched her as he put himself back in place, buttoning up so that he no longer looked like a hungry lover, but a proper gentleman. She was so beautiful flushed from his touch and his kiss and her pleasure. But then, she was beautiful always. And she had been in his dreams for so long that he’d never believed reality could hold up if he found it again.
But it was better. Being with her, it was all so much better.
The carriage was slowing now, pulling into the drive back at her home. He reached across the expanse between them and caught her hands. He met her stare and held there, lost in that warm brown that could soothe and inflame in equal measure.
“Aurora,” he said softly, peaceful at last with the decision he had made. Unable to keep it from her for even a moment longer. “I’m giving up the title.”
Chapter 22
Aurora careened into her parlor with Nicholas hard on her heels. She pivoted in the middle of the room and glared at him, watching as he closed the door behind them and gave them a little privacy.
“No,” she said, finally answering the terrible statement he’d made in the carriage a few moments before.
He arched a brow. “That’s it? Just no. You think that is the end of the discussion, my lady?”
She folded her arms. “No, there is a great deal to discuss. Including just how in the world did you come to such a ridiculous decision?”
“It isn’t ridiculous, Aurora,” he said, but there was no frustration to his voice. Just infuriating calm and decisiveness. “I will not be marquess.”
She moved toward him then in a few long steps. “You have wanted this for years,” she said. “Years, Nicholas. I know that it’s what you’ve desired more than anything. It’s been clear by every action you’ve taken since you returned home from the war. I cannot let you give up on that because…because ofme.”
He tilted his head and his smile was almost indulgent. “Aurora, do you knowwhyI so desperately wanted the title when the option of it came up?”
She blinked. That was a question she’d never considered. Her life had been led alongside men of title who inherited their roles. No one doubted that it was what would happen, so she’d never really thought about it.
“I…no,” she admitted.
He reached for her, taking both her hands in his. The electric shock of his touch stunned her, just as it always did. How could she always feel so connected and desired by him? No matter how many times he made love to her, when he touched her it was always the first time.
“You were taken from me all those years ago, Aurora. I didn’t know how much of it was a manipulation at the time, all I knew was that you were gone and I waspowerless.” He shook his head. “I wanted to make sure that nothing like that could ever happen to me again. I built my life around it. Somehow I foolishly conflated the idea of power with the idea of control or safety. But I don’t feel that way now.”
“Nicholas—”
“Willowby has a title, a high title, and today I saw his face when the shooting stopped. I saw how afraid he was for Diana. Just like I was holding you and praying that I had protected you well enough and fast enough and long enough. A title can’t stop a bullet, my love. You could have been snatched from me in an instant, or I from you. And there is no protection from that. Not truly.”
She nodded, her arguments lost in the very real discussion of how close they’d come to losing each other that day. “I was so afraid when you stood up that your blood would be on me. That you’d be torn away from me again when we’d only just found each other.”
“And yet you are so willing topushme away so I can have…what? A new name and a false power that can’t fight the worst outcomes?” he asked.
“Only for a while,” she reasoned. “We’d hide our connection for a while and then it will be over and we can be free.”
“A while,” he repeated. “A day, a week, a month, a year, five years—we have no idea how long this will go on before decisions are made. Those in power don’t give it away lightly, love, or swiftly. I don’t want to lose even one more moment with you. We’ve already lost too much, Aurora.”
“And you’ll lose more if you walk away from what you could have,” she said, gripping his hands all the tighter. “In the heat of the moment, tied up in the dramatic incident we endured today, you say you don’t mind losing this. But when the fear we both feel right now fades, you might come to regret it down the line. Resentmefor taking it from you.”
He shook her hands away and instead cupped her face. “Let me be very clear with you: I would surrender everything I have or ever had orcouldever have if it means loving you, being with you.”
Aurora’s heart was throbbing, it hurt in her chest it pumped so hard. She backed away a step because when he touched her she couldn’t think. Her mind screamed yes over and over. She needed space to still be able to say no if it was best for him.
“But so much has changed, Nicholas,” she whispered.
“Never my heart,” he said. “It is yours, Aurora, and it always has been. You have been the first thought in my mind when I wake, the last thought at night for nearly all my life. I saidyourname during the explosion all those years ago because you were the one I thought of when that breath could be my last. When I worked to rebuild my body, it was you I was always reaching for in the fog of pain. I kept trying because of you.”
“Nicholas,” she breathed, swept away by those beautiful words. And by the thought that somehow, no matter how the world had conspired to keep them apart, they had still been together. He in her heart, she in his.
“I love you,” he said, and there was no hesitation to his voice. “I havealwaysloved you. Iwillalways love you. And that is the only thing that matters. Isn’t it?”
She felt the tears streaming down her face as she stared at him. He closed the distance she had created and wiped one of those tears away.
