He forced a smile. “But if you’re there, you’ll be the carrot for this old rabbit.”
“I’m having a hard time picturing you as anything but a wolf, but why would I be a carrot?”
“Because if you’re there, at least I’ll know I can enjoy the day with you.”
Her expression softened and her eyes lit up with happiness that warmed him to his toes.
“How can I deny you?” she asked. “Now I should go ready myself. I’ll see you later?”
He nodded as she left the room with just a backward glance. Once she was gone, he gripped the back of the closest chair. It had hit him like a shot to the chest in that moment. The thing he’d been trying to pretend away, trying to ignore, trying to label as anything else but what it was in truth.
He was still in love with Aurora. Worse yet, he’dalwaysbeen in love with Aurora. Even when he’d tried to forget her, even when he tried to despise her, even when he’d tried to ignore that she existed in the world…he had loved her all along. And he didn’t see that changing or stopping any time soon. So he had to decide what the hell to do about it.
Chapter 14
Nicholas walked along the grass, up and over the rolling hills of his brother’s estate. He was behind the others, but he managed to keep his own pace. It was heartening, actually. Even a few months ago, he wouldn’t have been able to manage this long a walk on sometimes uneven ground, but today he was stiff but carrying on. It seemed he continued to heal. That would likely have a limit, an end…but he still felt good about the progress.
Graham Everly, the Duke of Northfield, had fallen back with him and they had been chatting together for the last half an hour. It was a good distraction from the physical, at least, for the duke was a kind and interesting companion. Still, Nicholas’s attention continued to be drawn to Aurora, who was walking with Katherine and Graham’s wife, Adelaide, Fortescue at her side. From time to time, she threw his stick out ahead of the group and the behemoth took off to return it to her, tongue lolling joyfully.
“I suppose you’ll know soon enough about whether or not the prince will be gifting you the title,” Graham said.
That pulled Nicholas back to the conversation. He let out a long sigh. “It seems so. I received a letter from my steward just before we left for our picnic. He’s been informed the decision will be likely before the end of the summer. Once I return, I’m meant to take some meetings with those in power. The jockeying is…taxing, I admit.”
Graham grimaced. “I can imagine. Do you mind if I ask you something?”
“Certainly,” Nicholas said, and glanced at him from the corner of his eye. The man looked deep in thought.
“I’ve watched you since our arrival,” Graham began. “Trying to determine who you are.”
“I expected as much. Of course you want to have a great deal of information before you decide if you’ll support me.”
“What?” Graham shook his head with a laugh. “No, no. I intended to offer my endorsement to your bid from the beginning. Not only is Robert one of my best friends, but you’re a damned hero and obviously a good man. You would make an excellent addition to the ranks of the titled. I think you’d fight the good fight for those who weren’t raised with the privileges those of my class enjoy and sometimes don’t see.”
Nicholas thought of the life he’d lived, one that straddled two worlds, one that saw the good and the bad in both. “I suppose my experience would give me a different view, though I know I have blind spots of my own.”
“Everyone does. Anyone who says they don’t is selling something,” Graham said with another brief smile toward him.
Nicholas returned it. “Well, if it isn’t about you determining your support, then what is your question?”
The duke stopped on the path, and Nicholas did the same, stretching his leg gently. Graham looked off toward the party, which had finished their descent and come upon the beautiful picnic site that had been set up for them during their walk. Their increased laughter and chatter could be heard all the way up the hill.
“There were times I would have traded this title for almost any other life,” Graham said. “It seems you have friends and respect, you are loved by your family…why do youwantto be a marquess? Especially since I’m certain that title, long fallow, will come with a great deal of trial.”
Nicholas had heard all the whispers since the rumors that he might be given a title had begun to spread through Society. Men like Sweeting from the night before, who thought rank was only deserved by those with a bloodline. People who thought he couldn’t rise to the occasion for other reasons. Those who questioned his ability, intelligence and education.
But Northfield was the first person outside of his closest friends and family who had questioned why he might want such a title. If the position was good enough for him, not the other way around.
Nicholas sighed. “You have already said you are one of Roseford’s best friends, and everything I’ve seen of you these past few days and heard of you over the years tells me you are a good and decent man.”
“I try to be,” Graham said softly.
“I will answer you honestly,” Nicholas continued, meeting his eyes. “I want the control that rank will offer me.”
Graham stared at him a moment, and then flashed a grin. “Control? No, that’s an illusion, mate.”
“Says the man who’s always had it,” Nicholas retorted, perhaps with a little more heat than he’d intended. “You can do as you wish, help who you wish, go where you wish and no one can stop you. No one can take away what you have.”
“Ah, then what you want ispower,” Graham said. “Power and luck. Because don’t think for a moment that I don’t realize, in a little throb in the back of my head, that the wife I love more than anything in this world, the children back at home who make the future brighter…those things that truly matter could be taken from me in an instant.”
