But perhaps she didn’t have to lose everything at that. If she took the truth into her own hands, if she offered atonement along with confession…perhaps she could show her family, along with the man she loved, that she was worthy of their regard. That she wasn’t a monster they feared, but still the woman they cared for.
But she couldn’t do it alone. She would need help and there was only one man who she could receive that from. The one man who might hate her all the more for it.
Derrick.
“Well, this has been mightily maudlin,” Robert said with a chuckle as he got up and tugged her to her feet. “And I would much rather enjoy my last few days with you as houseguest.”
She smiled, pushing away the inevitable for a little while longer as she linked arms with her brother. “I agree. You know, I have heard you once played a lot of dirty tricks on your friends when you were a lad.”
“Oof, Simon was talking, eh?”
She giggled. “He and Baldwin, both. But I’d like to hearyourside of the story. Is it true you tricked them all into swimming naked at some party?”
“Not exactly,” he said with a moan. “It was rather the other way around…”
They strolled off, with Robert regaling her with tales of his misspent youth. But even as she laughed at his outrageous stories, she plotted her own next move in the back of her mind. One that could end this happily, or simply rush along her jump off a cliff.
Chapter 21
The ball was in full swing, but Derrick hardly noticed the swirling couples on the dancefloor or the brightly liveried servants offering drinks as they floated by. His attention was locked, as it had been for half an hour, on the door to the ballroom. He was waiting for Selina. He’d had a wild thrill ten minutes earlier when her companion, Vale Williams, had entered the room. But Selina had not been at her side, nor had she joined the party since.
He hadn’t seen her since the previous afternoon with Barber. And now he longed for her. And feared meeting her. Because what would happen next would change everything. It would decide everything.
In that moment, that desperate moment when he feared and longed for her in equal measure, she appeared. His heart stopped and his breath caught with the sight of her. It was a strange thing, her beauty. He could always convince himself that it wasn’t as powerful as he remembered. That it wasn’t as bewitching. But then she’d walk into a room and he’d realized she was even more stunning than he’d recalled.
Tonight was no different. Her sleek black hair was done up with elaborate twists, her cheeks pink, her lips warm. She always wore impeccable fashion, but tonight she looked like a queen. Her gown was gold brocade and she shone like the sun as the candles glinted off the fabric. The eyes of the room turned on her, women whispered behind their fans, men tracked her as she entered the room, smiling at her family, waving to friends.
She was everything, and he burned for her. He burned for what could be destroyed in a few moments.
Her gaze swept across the room and found him. He saw her jolt a little when she did. He waited for her to run, to avoid him. Only she didn’t. She set her slender shoulders back and then she moved across the ballroom toward him. Her bright blue eyes held to his, a trap. A freedom. A boon he had never deserved.
She’d been his for a moment. And that might come to an end tonight.
“Selina,” he breathed as she reached him. The vanilla and cinnamon scent of her wafted to his nostrils, the warmth of her curled around him, and he very nearly lost his nerve.
But she didn’t seem to have that problem.
“Derrick,” she said. Then she leaned in. “Have we been…avoiding each other?”
That directness made him smile even though there was nothing pleasing about what was happening at present. Still, he couldn’t help but be drawn by her directness. It was in such contrast to the duplicity he now knew she was capable of. She had so many remarkable facets, and he knew he hadn’t begun to learn them all. That was a loss in itself.
“I think we have been,” he said. “It would be foolhardy not to acknowledge that truth.”
“Obviously things…changedafter yesterday afternoon,” she said.
Her expression softened with those words. Became sad. Was that a game or the truth? Could he even tell with her? Was he so compromised that it all blended together?
“Yes,” he admitted.
She swallowed and her fingers stretched out. She touched his hand. She wasn’t wearing gloves, nor was he. Skin on skin, just the hint of it, but it was intoxicating.
“We need to…to talk,” she said. Her voice cracked. Tension poured through her. Fear and anxiety and need and pain. “Privately. Because we both know there is a great deal to say and I can’t do it in the ballroom where fifty pairs of eyes will be watching.”
He nodded slowly. “Yes. I think you’re right. In this instance, we need privacy.”
Her shoulders rolled forward just a fraction. A surrender. An acceptance and his heart lurched. She looked determined, but also defeated, and now he wondered what she would say the moment they were alone.
“The library,” she said. “It only seems right to go back to where we began. Will you meet me there in—”
