“Of course I do,” she insisted, and her scowl could have intimidated anyone to her will. “Iknowyou. And I know you’re about to give me a very long explanation about why we can never be together.”
He blinked. She was right, of course. That was what he had to tell her. Those were the words hanging on his tongue. The ones he couldn’t quite say even if that was the right thing to do. For her, at least.
She certainly deserved far more than a former thief and seducer with no future and a leg he had suspicions would never be the same again.
“I can’t—” he made himself begin.
She pushed her fingers against his lips and forced the silence he would not give her. “No. I won’t hear it,” she said. “But you…you will hearmenow.”
Juliana had been practicing what she would say to Ellis if he woke up for days.Ifhe woke up, because that had never been a guarantee. Doctors, healers, they had all looked at him with the grave injury and clucked their tongues and made her world implode upon itself.
To combat her terror, she had begun rehearsing what she would say when Ellis proved them wrong with his strength and his will and his glorious ability to fight. Now she was here, looking at him in the bed. He was alive. He would survive, that was evident.
She wasn’t about to miss this chance to keep him with her forever. Even if the prospect of confession and demand was abjectly terrifying.
“For ten days I have fought to keep you alive,” she said. “And I have no more patience for appeasing or being sweet or making it comfortable for anyone else.”
He gave a weak mock salute. “Yes, ma’am.”
She frowned. “Don’t tease me. You were ready todie, Ellis.”
He recoiled slightly, and she saw an echo of the heartbreak he must have felt when he decided to make that sacrifice. How desperate he must have been. “Yes,” he said at last. “I knew as soon as Leonard attacked you all those weeks ago that I had no other choice.”
She rested a palm on his cheek. “But you didn’t tell me.”
“The longer I knew you, the more I knew you’d try to stop me. Everyone would have. As you all did, actually.” He forced a laugh even though she could see how much their rescue had meant to him, this man who’d told himself he had to go it alone.
“It’s a good thing we did,” she whispered, and pushed the blankets up a little to look at the dressing high on his thigh. The swelling had gone down, but the damage was great. It would take a long time for him to heal.
His fingers brushed her chin again and this time he turned her face toward his. “I’m sorry, Juliana,” he whispered. “I am. For causing you pain. For causing you fear.”
“Then stop doing it,” she said, letting her hand cover his. “Stop fighting me. Fighting us.”
He sucked in a ragged breath. “No matter your feelings, angel, no matter my own, you must know in your heart that I’m no good.”
She moved closer, inching her way up the bed as she lowered her hand to cover his bare chest just above his heart. “You’regoodforme.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, but she saw him wavering. He’d pushed her away so many times to protect her. But the danger was gone now. What he wanted to protect her from, she didn’t fear. Their future. And she could see he wanted it just as she did. She just had to make him say those words.
“You know my past,” he said, almost a pained moan.
“I do.” She hesitated as his mouth turned down farther. “Please open your eyes. Please look at me.”
It took him a few seconds, but he did as she asked. His blue eyes met hers and she could see he fought to keep them there.
“Idoknow your past,” she repeated. “I love you for it. And there are parts of it I wish weren’t true. But the future is something neither of us knows. I want to learn it together. I want to stand beside you as you repair the bond with Rook and your brother. I adore Gabriel, by the way. He is wonderful.”
That elicited a small smile. “He is. A brilliant mind. I’m glad you’ve met him properly at last and that you like him. I have no doubt he adores you, as well.”
“Because you see me as a far better version of myself than I do. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. I see the best in you, and hopefully I help you act in that. You do the same for me. There is so much to be done. I want to help you show my sisters and Harcourt the man you really are.”
A shadow flickered over his face. More regret. “If I can.”
“I have faith even if you don’t,” she reassured him. “I want to be yours, Ellis. I want to give my whole self to you and make you feel safe enough to give me the same gift. I want to laugh with you. I want to see the world with you. I want to have children with you.”
“Juliana,” he gasped, and in that moment she saw him picture the same. And he smiled. And she knew she would win.
“Do you love me?” she whispered. “Or are you going to lie out of some desperate fear and tell me I was just a game you played?”
