“This is what you see as kindness?”
“Careful now. It is not something every woman in your position would receive from her family. But do not mistake me, Juliana.” He stepped closer, and she found herself retreating an equal distance. “I expect you to behave yourself. You shall not bring any more shame on this house than you and your sisters already have. If you do, there will be consequences.”
She swallowed and all she could taste was bitterness. Her own. His.
“My entire life is nothing but consequences,” she spat. Then she turned on her heel. “Good night.”
He let her go without responding and she marched up the stairs with her hands shaking. When she reached her room, she flopped herself on the bed, pressed her face into her pillow and let out a scream she felt like she had been holding in forever. Once she had made herself hoarse, she rolled over and stared up at the ceiling.
She didn’twantthis life. And yet it was the only choice left. Either her father was right and no one else would want her, or he would create that very future by refusing to take her out on the marriage mart anymore. Whatever hopes she’d once had for a life of her own choosing, a life with love in it, were fading. It didn’t matter how she got to that spinsterhood future, all paths now seemed to lead there.
Except for one. And that was the one she’d been trying to guide herself down with Ellis. Onlyhehad rejected her too.
She pushed to her feet and paced her chamber. Her thoughts kept returning to Ellis. His face as he pleasured her, that same face as he all but pushed her from the carriage and told her she wasn’t wanted. But mostly she thought of his expression when he saw Winston Leonard in the crowd at the Donville Masquerade.
Thatexpression was a cacophony of pain and regret. She might not know what else was real when it came to Ellis Maitland, but that moment had been. And she knew that because she had felt the same combination of emotions. So many times in her life.
They were the same in some ways. No matter what he said to try to make her go away.
She folded her arms and looked at herself in the mirror. Yes, she had a scar. Yes, it drew the eye. And yes, she was changed from the terrible actions that had brought that scar about. She was stronger now. She was more aware of what she wanted.
And she was just stubborn enough not to give up on it.
“We can help each other, even if he resists that out of fear,” she said, forcing herself to speak it out loud so that she could hear it. Her voice shook, but it still strengthened her resolve. “I have spent my life fixing things and Iwillfix this. For me. For him. For everyone.”
Now she just had to figure out how.
Chapter 10
“He bloody saw me, Rivers,” Ellis shouted as he paced Marcus’s office the next night. “He looked me in the eye and every fucking thing I had planned was dashed in a goddamn second.”
Marcus had been listening to him rail for at least a quarter of an hour, leaned back in his office chair, arms folded. Silent, of course. He offered no advice. Ellis wasn’t certain if he should be pleased or upset at that fact.
“Why didn’t you follow him?” Marcus asked at last, but his tone was so flat that it was clear he already had a theory about why.
It was probably on the mark.
“Because of the woman. Are you happy now?” Ellis ran a hand through his hair and sank down in the chair across from Marcus’s.
Rivers shrugged. “I have no opinion on the matter.”
“You have an opinion oneverymatter,” Ellis grumbled.
Rivers let out a laugh. “That may be true. Very well, I have no opinion toshareon the matter. I think in situations such as this, it’s best to allow you to find your own way. I will say I don’t think I’ve ever seen you choose a mark over your own plans.”
Ellis jerked his face toward his friend. “She isn’t a mark.”
Rivers’ eyebrows lifted. “Ah, I see. Well, a lover then.”
“She isn’t exactly that either.” Ellis bent his head. “Almost, and not without a lack of trying on her end. I didn’t follow Leonard because it would have put her in danger. And I’ve already done that more than enough.”
“You realize it might have been your only chance,” Marcus said softly. “Since he saw you.”
“Yes,” Ellis acknowledged, and got to his feet. He walked to the windows overlooking the main hall below and stared with unseeing eyes at the writhing crowd. “It may have been. But at least I have more focus now. I recognized my failing the moment it happened. I have ended things with the young lady in no uncertain terms. She won’t be a distraction again, and I can refocus my efforts. Leonard may not come back here, but he’s somewhere in London. I’ll find him. And when I do, I won’t have to worry about anyone but myself.”
“Hmm. You’re certain that’s all then. You ended things and she won’t pursue you again?”
Ellis glanced over his shoulder and found Marcus had also stood and was looking over the crowd. “Yes, why?”
