Damn it. She didn’t want to keep thinking of that moment when he’d kissed her. She didn’t want to think ofhimat all. But she couldn’t stop. She’d thought of him when she got home and lied to her father about deciding against staying with her sisters, as had been her explanation for being out.
She’d thought of Ellis as she readied for bed. She’d thought of him as she tossed and turned in the sheets. She’d thought of him when she finally snaked her hand between her legs and by touching herself had relieved some of the tension that had flared between them. Then she’d proceeded to dream of him all night.
He was an intrusive menace and she didn’t want to want him.
“Juliana?”
She blinked as Anne retook her seat on the settee across from Juliana. Rook joined her and poured himself some tea. “Yes?”
Anne smiled. “I’m sorry. You looked so far away.”
“There is just so much to think about,” Juliana admitted with a sigh. “So many upheavals and unexpected moments in the past few months. I am trying to rediscover my place in the world.”
“Isn’t your place in the world the same as it ever was?” Rook asked gently.
Juliana considered him again. Once he had been a thief like his cousin. The two men had worked together, side by side. But he’d given all that up. Been redeemed by words, by deeds…by love. Was Ellis capable of such a transformation? A ridiculous question, of course, but one that popped into her head regardless.
“I think it is entirely changed,” Juliana said, setting her cup down with a clatter. “When we left London, I was one of three unmarried sisters. We shared the same face, we were almost considered the same person. I knew exactly where I fit in Society, for better or for worse. But within a few short months, not one but two of my sisters have married, neither to a man that was expected. The ripples of their actions are far and wide.”
Anne bent her head and her guilt was clear. “Yes. What happened was fortunate for Thomasina and for me, as we have both found love. But I recognize you’ve suffered greatly as a result of our passions.”
Juliana stifled a laugh. Anne made it sound like that was a one-time thing. But her entire life had been spent cleaning up the messes other people made, especially her sisters. She was the one who soothed hurt feelings and smoothed ruffled feathers and fixed broken toys and hearts. Anne running away from her engagement was a large example, but it was not a new circumstance.
It was hard not to resent it, even if she loved her sisters deeply.
“I am happy for you both,” Juliana said slowly. “Love is a rare commodity, especially for those of our situation and with a father so mercenary.”
Anne reached across the table between them and caught Juliana’s hand. “Iknowyou’re happy, you don’t have to keep saying it to prove it. You arealsoallowed to be concerned about your own future. Or even angry about what you’ve lost.”
Juliana shifted. Angry. She wasn’tallowedto be angry, no matter what anyone said. “Right now, I think we must all remained focused on being worried for our lives,” she said with a shake of her head. “After all, Winston Leonard is still on the loose. He could return to London at any time and decide to try to find this code you have again.”
Rook exchanged a glance with Anne, and Juliana saw the concern on both their faces. It seemed even more stark than it had been the previous night. It made her wonder if something had happened. If she was being left out of this, as well as everything else.
She, who had once been at the center of the relationship with her sisters.
Rook sighed. “We’re still investigating. I was thinking of seeking out my cousin. I have heard Ellis is back in London. I know he’ll not wash his hands of this matter any more than the rest of us have. Too many people he cares for are endangered thanks to Winston Leonard.”
Juliana stiffened. She could tell her sister and brother-in-law that Ellis was indeed in London. But then she’d have to say why she knew. Where she’d gone. What she’d done. She wasn’t about to watch them first pity her for pursuing such a desperate desire, then find a way to judge and forbid her.
Instead, she ducked her head. “I have often wondered what your cousin is like.”
Rook jolted, and his gaze went faraway and pained. “Er, he is…he is complicated.” He pushed to his feet. “We came from such a different background than you and your sisters. Ellis’s father died when he was young, and he was forced to the streets to take care of his mother. She remarried when he was eight or nine, and the new husband was…he was dangerous. Cruel to my cousin. Ellis left when it was evident he wouldn’t be protected. His only tie to them is his half-brother, Gabriel. The one Winston Leonard is threatening at present.”
Juliana fought not to respond, but she was sucking in these words like a sponge. She couldn’t help but think of the man she’d seen Ellis with last night. The young man had shared his features. Could it have been this Gabriel? That made sense, given the gentleness of their interaction. The wistful expression on Ellis’s face when the other walked away.
So Ellis presented himself as a cad and a thief and a scoundrel, but it seemed his motives were often driven by a desire to protect those he loved. His brother. His cousin.
Her. He kept saying he wanted to protecther. But of course, he felt nothing for her except maybe desire, if he were to be believed.
“Why the sudden interest in Ellis Maitland?” Anne said softly, her green stare locked on Juliana’s face.
Juliana immediately broke the gaze. The connection she had with her sisters, that triplet bond that was so powerful, also meant either of them could sometimes read her expressions. She didn’t want Anne to do that. To know.
She shrugged. “The man did save my life a few weeks ago. And his…his connection to you is what changed everything for us all.”
Now it was Anne who shifted, and Juliana found herself tracking the movement carefully. After all, Ellis had explained a little about his relationship to her sister last night in the carriage. But Anne had not spoken of it much. She was obviously deeply in love with Rook…
But that didn’t mean there had been nothing between her and Ellis. No matter what he said.
