She nodded. “I did. When I was invited here, to escape you and your vile designs, I leapt at the chance.”
“But I was here,” he whispered. “And you were here.”
“A test, and one I suppose I failed.” She lifted her hands to her suddenly hot cheeks, letting the coldness of her fingers anchor her in some tiny way. “What an idiot I was, and how clever you were. To pretend to care as you did, to make yourself something I wanted. I-I wanted to believe you.”
“I never made myself anything,” he burst out, taking a step toward her. “Please, let me explain.”
She stared at him. God, but he did look stricken. Such a big part of her melted at that expression of broken guilt and deep pain. But that was all part of his charade, wasn’t it?
“Oh yes, please do.” She folded her arms. “I wouldloveto hear this.”
“Back in London there were a group of…of…”
“Ungentlemanly bastards?” she filled in for him, shocked she could be so cold and direct when what she wanted to do was fall on the carpet and weep.
“Yes,” he agreed. “We are idiots.Iam an idiot. They knew your story, and of course it generated interest from them. You already knew that—it is no surprise. When I saw you that first night you returned, I was immediately attracted to you, Katherine. With a power that surprised even me. And I declared, in my own selfish, unthinking way, that I would have you.”
“And you dideverythingin your power to make sure that happened,” she hissed. “Perhaps you knew all along that I was invited here, even if James did not. Perhaps you maneuvered yourself to be here so that you could manipulate me further.”
“No!” he said sharply. “No, that wasn’t what happened. All the dukes found out what I’d done the moment the duchesses heard about the wager. They admonished me, none more than James. He begged me to listen to my better impulses rather than my baser desires. I came here, truly, to do as he asked and separate myself from you.”
“But once you saw me, how could you resist such a challenge?” she snapped, hating the sharpness of her tone that revealed her emotions to this man who didn’t deserve them.
“Yes,” he admitted after a pause that seemed to fill the room. “You were my ultimate challenge. But I swear to you, Katherine, it wasneverabout the wager. The moment I saw you, I knew I would not be able to resist pursuit, but it was never about winning anything except for your time and your attention. I craved that. Once I touched you, everything changed. What has happened between us is real. My desire to court you is real. The fact that I care for you is real.”
“Andthatis why you crowed to your friend about bedding me and winning your wager,” she whispered.
He dropped his head, shame flowing over his handsome face with an intensity that set her back a step. This was a man who did not allow guilt. Who did not come close enough to give a damn about what anyone thought of him.
And he practically dripped with shame.
“I did that,” he admitted. “Out of a stupid, foolhardy notion that I could steer Berronburg away from you. I was taken aback by his being here at the ball tonight. And I was not ready for his questions. If I slipped into bad habits, it had everything to do with me and nothing to do with you. I promise you, Katherine, I was already planning how I would keep them from ever discussing you again when I return to London.”
She shifted slightly. In some way she could understand his explanation. In some way she could forgive him for the wager she had already known about, already punished him for. In some way, she wanted to believe that what he said was true and that what they’d shared was as deep as she had believed it to be.
But now they were on a path, one she feared would destroy them. There was no escaping it all now.
“Do you know why I wanted to speak to you tonight?” she asked, steeling herself against all those things she wanted to believe. All those foolish things.
“No,” he said.
“I wanted to tell youwhyI hated you when I returned to Society. Why I avoided you. I know you’ve wondered. I was going to confess to you tonight because I felt I was keeping a wall between us and I did not want it there anymore after all we shared.”
His lips parted. “You were going to tell me you knew about the bet.”
She nodded. “That was part of it, yes. But your disgusting wager is not why I hated you, Roseford.”
“Please don’t revert to my title.” His voice cracked. “Pleasedon’t.”
“I’ve hated you for three years,” she whispered. “Because you destroyed my life.”
Robert blinked, trying to clear his mind, trying to find something in his memories that would explain those harshly spoken words. He could find none. And yet there was no mistaking that Katherine truly believed what she said. Her lips were thin with anger, her hands shaking at her sides as she stared at him in challenge.
In hate.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and meant it more than he had ever meant anything. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Of course you don’t,” she said. “Because you don’t remember what you did. I meant so little to you that you don’t even remember that moment when you tore my existence to shreds.”
