Lizzie moved to him, and her hand came to rest on his shoulder. He started, for he had almost forgotten she was in the room, so focused was he on Amelia. He glanced up and saw her pain, but also her sweetness. Her love for him. Her forgiveness and understanding.
He reached up to cover her hand gently.
“I love you, Hugh,” she whispered. “You know that.”
“I do, though whether I deserve that is a debatable topic.”
She shook her head and leaned down to kiss his temple. “Not debatable at all. But I need to think about what has happened today. And I think you and Amelia need privacy to do the same.” She glanced at Amelia, who was still hunched over in pain. Her concern was clear on her face as she whispered, “Do whatever you can, Hugh.”
He smiled at her as she left the room and shut the door behind her. When the click echoed in the room, Amelia lifted her head and looked at him. She was crumpled, broken and he ached for his part in it.
“I need you to know I’m sorry,” he said. She opened her mouth and he lifted a hand. “Oh, please, let me finish, and then I swear to you I will give you the floor for everything you want to say.”
She shut her mouth and nodded.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I allowed your father’s manipulation. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth in Brighthollow when I began to truly know your character and that you could be trusted with any secret. I wanted to tell you then, so very much. But mostly I’m sorry that my foolishness, my cowardice, put you in danger today.”
She did not respond, but simply watched him. Her expression was hooded, unreadable. He imagined much the same as his own when they had begun. Only she hid from him because she no longer trusted him.
And that crushed him.
“When I saw him with that gun on you…” he whispered, not even caring when his voice broke and tears filled his eyes. “When I thought he’d kill you, I was terrified. Terrified to lose you. Terrified I’d never get to tell you that I love you. I love you, Amelia. It doesn’t excuse what I’ve done, but I need you to know it because tomorrow is not guaranteed and Ineverwant to leave it unsaid again.”
Amelia’s ears rang at that declaration. It was the second time Hugh had said he loved her today, but the first time without it being under deep duress. And the words sank into her skin, just as they had before, and brought a joy to her heart that was almost terrifying in its power.
Especially considering all the other things he’d told her.
“How can I believe you?” she whispered, getting to her feet and walking away because looking at him was too hard. “How can I have faith in you or in myself after everything that has happened? You may say this only to make my anger dissipate. It could very well be another manipulation.”
“No,” he said softly. She turned. He had risen, but did not follow her. “I am not manipulating you. I know those words mean nothing, but they are true. I don’tdeserveyour forgiveness, Amelia. I don’t even ask for it. I betrayed you. Whatever you need to do or hear or say to overcome that, I will give it to you.”
She stared at him. This man she had come to love in their time together. Only she’d thought that of Aaron, too, hadn’t she? Not as powerfully, perhaps. Not as completely. But…trusting herself was just as hard as trusting him.
So she couldn’t launch herself into his arms as she wanted to do. She had to be measured. Careful.
“I want space,” she said, watching his face for the reaction.
Pain washed over his features, but he pushed it away. Went calm again, cool. He nodded slowly. “That is understandable. I will give you that space, Amelia. For as long as you need it. But I’ll be here, whether it’s a day or a week or a month or ten years. I’ll be here waiting.”
His emotions were so plain on his face, quite a feat considering how he had been punished for just that as a child. Now he came to her, utterly open. Because she needed it.
“Thank you,” she said, and then glanced toward the door. “It’s been such a long day. I think I’ll go up, have a bath and go to bed.”
“Yes,” he whispered. She turned and went to the door, but as she lifted her hand to open it, he said, “I love you, Amelia.”
She froze there, hand shaking, body and mind screaming at her to accept those words. But she didn’t turn. She left the room, left him behind and trudged up to her bed.
But there would be no sleep tonight. She knew there would be no sleep for a long time to come.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Amelia sat on the settee staring at the fire, a letter drooping from her hand. Hugh had left her be for three long days, but that didn’t mean his presence in her life had been any less constant. Her favorite flowers appeared in her bedroom every afternoon when she came to prepare for tea. Her favorite foods were laid out for her at meals. The servants were extra gentle with her. Lizzie slipped in and out of rooms like she was trying to be a ghost so that Amelia could have her time.
And then there was this letter from her father, received not an hour before. She’d expected it. Certainly, he would have heard about the death of Aaron Walters by now, and she guessed he would have a reaction.
Just not this one. He’d written her a letter of apology. Her father. The man who had never looked at her and not seen how he could further himself. He had written her something heartfelt and warm, filled with what felt like true contrition about Walters’ nature and what he had almost allowed her to do.
That was Hugh’s work, she was certain. Her father had written something about her husband telling him the news, and she could well imagine the dressing down Hugh had given him on her behalf.
