Matthew shook his head, for he didn’t think he ought to compare the connection he felt to his lover to Baldwin’s deep and abiding love for Helena.
“We ended up on the terrace,” he continued.
“I also know a bit about that,” Baldwin said, laughing this time.
“Well, it snowballed,” Matthew said. “We kissed. And the next time I saw her, it was more than kissing. We are lovers, despite all my reservations and questions. I can’t stop thinking about her. Dreaming about her.”
“That is a good thing, isn’t it?” Baldwin asked. “A natural thing for a man to want a woman. Why do you hesitate?”
“First, she wears a mask,” Matthew explained. “I don’t know her identity.”
Ewan’s eyes were wide but he wrote nothing, just stared. Baldwin even looked shocked. “Well, that is something,” he said slowly. “It is a masquerade, though. You must do the same.”
“I did,” Matthew said. “But she knows my identity. It’s a long story. I do hesitate that she knows me but I know nothing about her.”
“That’s fair,” Ewan wrote. “It’s also not your only hesitation.”
Matthew pursed his lips. “You know me too well. I forget that sometimes until you so rudely remind me. No, that’s not all.” He paced the room. “Being with this woman, despite the hidden identities and the wild start to it…it feels like coming back to life. But it also feels like betrayal.”
Baldwin flinched. “Angelica has been gone for a long time, Tyndale,” he said gently.
“You think I should just pack up any feelings about her and move on?” Matthew snapped.
Baldwin shook his head. “Of course not. No one expects the pain of losing her to go away completely. I could not imagine the grief of what you’ve endured, I know that even more strongly since Helena came into my life. But I also can’t picture that Angelica would have wanted you to go on in misery, holding up her memory for the rest of your days.”
Matthew walked to the sideboard. He fiddled with the bottles without pouring himself a drink. He didn’t want one—he just didn’t want to look at the two men who knew him best. Not when they might see what he, himself, didn’t want to explore too deeply.
“I know you are right,” he said softly.
He could say no more. They didn’t push for more, they just let the silence hang between them for a moment. Then Baldwin came to stand beside him and slung an arm around his shoulders.
“Did you get the invitation to Lord and Lady Callis’s ball on Saturday night?”
Matthew wrinkled his brow. “Yes, I think so. Mother mentioned it, as well, when I called on her a few days ago. What about it?”
“Well, all of us are going. You know he married his mistress last year and the duchesses seem determined to help make her entry into Society easier.”
Matthew bent his head at the kindness of his friends and their beautiful wives. “That sounds like the duchesses.”
“Why don’t you come? Get out into Society, shake off the melancholy and confusion with your friends. Make your mother happy.”
Matthew glanced over to find Ewan nodding his agreement. He sighed. “Very well. I’ve been spending too much time brooding in hells as it is. A night with friends would probably do me some good.”
Baldwin grinned. “I think it will be just the thing. You take a night away from this woman, clear your head. Perhaps it will help you see things more clearly.”
Matthew nodded, and at that moment Helena and Charlotte returned to the room together. He watched as his friends greeted their wives, the light that returned to both men obvious.
They were right, of course, that a night away from the hell, away from his search for his stranger, would likely do him good. But the idea that it could clear his head seemed foolish, indeed. Because his mind was tangled and there didn’t seem to be a way to unravel it. Not yet. Perhaps not ever.
Chapter Ten
Isabel shifted and slid her hands along her skirt nervously. The ball spun around her, a familiar dizzy mix of loud music, chattering voices and twirling skirts. In theory, it was very much like a dozen other balls she had attended over the years.
In truth, it felt different—because this was a ball thrown by a viscount and his wife. The room was filled with earls and dukes, second sons and those who had inherited all they had and more.
She felt very out of place.
“What did you think of Callis?” her uncle asked as he handed over a drink.
