She heard him laughing as she entered the garden and then ran as fast as her legs would carry her. But she couldn’t run from what she’d done. She couldn’t run from how it made her feel.
Chapter Six
“And to what do I owe this great pleasure so early in the morning?”
Matthew turned to watch as Robert entered the parlor, hand outstretched in welcome. His friend had a hint of shadow beneath his eyes and his hair was slightly tousled, as if he had been abed recently.
“It’s noon,” Matthew said with a shake of his head.
Robert shrugged one shoulder. “If you say so. I realize most people don’t keep the civilized hours I do. Would you like a drink?”
“No,” Matthew said, and couldn’t help a laugh even though he wasn’t feeling in particularly good humor today. That was what lying awake, tossing and turning, while one thought of soft sighs and intense pleasure did to a man.
And here he was. An act of desperation.
“What’s wrong?” Robert asked, his teasing quality gone, replaced by concern.
Matthew flopped himself into the closest chair. “I’m not looking forward to how much you will crow.”
Robert took a place on the settee and leaned forward. “Oh, thisdoessound good.”
“I’ve been going back to the Donville Masquerade,” Matthew admitted in a rush, as if he pushed all the words together that Robert wouldn’t react to them.
Which, of course, was not true. His friend’s eyes went almost impossibly wide and then his grin went even wider. “Have you now? I knew even you would be seduced by the many pleasures to be found there.”
Matthew sighed. “It isn’t the many pleasures. I went back looking for…for that woman I met the first night.”
“The one you kissed.”
“Yes.” Matthew found his foot tapping restlessly and forced himself to stop. “When she didn’t come, there was nothing found there for me. And then, last night, she returned.”
Robert lifted his eyebrows. “Pursuing one lass wasn’texactlywhat I had in mind when I encouraged you to get a membership at the club, but it’s better than you roaming your estate like a ghost. So you saw the young woman and then…”
This was the difficult part. Matthew had never been one to talk about his conquests. He had no intention of going too far when he did it today, either. This was not a bragging session, but a plea for help. No matter how Robert might turn it on its head.
“What do you think happened?” he asked, his voice sharper than he had perhaps intended. But then it seemed everything in his life was currently out of control.
Robert’s expression was shocked. “I’m going to hazard a guess that you bedded her.” Matthew swallowed hard, and his expression seemed to give the answer Robert required. “That is good news. Isn’t it? Why do you look like that? Why do you look more miserable than you did before? Quite a herculean feat, by the way.”
“You must understand,” Matthew began. “It’s been such a long time.”
“So you said,” Robert said softly. “Too long to be healthy. Are you saying you were terrible at it?”
Matthew smiled at the teasing in his friend’s tone. He appreciated it, actually. Robert was trying to put levity into the situation.
“I wasn’t terrible at it,” he said as he thought of his beautiful stranger’s mewls and cries of pleasure. At the way her tight, slick body had milked his until he nearly lost control and came deep inside of her.
“Then what is the problem?” Robert asked. “Please don’t tell me you are prostrating yourself on the altar of guilt and remorse just because you spent a few hours pursuing natural and healthy pleasure with a willing partner.”
“When you put it that way, it makes me sound like a fool,” Matthew said. “And I wouldn’t say prostrating myself. It’s just that…I don’t know. You, of all people, would not understand.”
Robert held his gaze a beat, and then he said, “You thought you had found the one person who would keep your heart for the rest of your life. Like the others have. You believed that your future was set. And then it was torn out from under you in the most cruel and terrible way possible. Worse, there are some who have blamed you for it. So you’ve spent all this time mourning what might have been and cursing what is. And when a young lady finally moves your…shall we say heart or cock?” He laughed. “Well, either way, I suppose it must be very disconcerting. And it must also awaken some dark and dangerous memories and feelings.”
Matthew gaped at him. “I would not have expected that summary from you.”
A ghost of a smile slipped over Robert’s face. “I do not believe in love for myself. It does not mean I discount it for anyone else. And I’m a cad, proud as hell of it, and with no intention of ever changing, thank you, but I’m not an idiot.”
“No one would ever accuse you of that,” Matthew said softly. “And yes, what you say is exactly part of it. At first, I was merely mourning. Coming to terms with what had happened to Angelica and my part in it. Then more and more time passed and it was as if I became…paralyzed by my grief, regret…my anger and my disappointment.”
