And knew that nothing could ever be the same.
Chapter Twenty-Three
It had been two days since Diana left. Well, thirty-seven hours and twenty-three minutes. He could have probably guessed to the second, but there seemed little meaning in that exercise. She was gone and everything in his body and soul hurt.
Now he stood in the hallway, staring at his parlor door, and he struggled to find the strength to open it. Not because of his injuries. The time with Diana had eased those so much that he could function. No, he hesitated because facing what was inside without her felt…impossible.
Slowly, he pushed the door open and drew a breath as his mother pivoted from the portrait of his father hung above the fireplace. Her dark gaze snagged his and then darted away as her lips pursed.
“You have summoned me,” she said, and folded her arms. “And I have come. What is it you want?”
He flinched at her coldness but entered the room regardless. Diana had made him promise not to run from his life. To do that, he had to face the past.
“Good afternoon, Mother,” he said. “May I get you tea?”
She shook her head. “No.”
He sighed. “Can we not be civil?”
Her nostrils flared and then she shrugged before she settled herself into a chair before the fire. “I suppose we could try. Though I see little benefit from the exercise.”
“There has been little in the past, hasn’t there?” He took the seat across from hers. “There is so much between us.”
She drew back a fraction, surprise washing over her expression. “You cannot have brought me here to talk aboutthat.”
He leaned forward, draping his elbows over his knees. “And yet I have.”
She recoiled, her hands gripping the arms of her chair until her knuckles became white. “I will not.”
“I understand why,” he said slowly. “The topic is difficult for you. But you must know that it is difficult for me, as well. We have avoided it for years. Avoided each other. To the point where I did not even have you sent for when I was shot, almost killed.”
Her lips parted. “Shot?”
“Yes.” He drew in a breath. “In protection of my country, my king, I was shot six months ago. You did not ask me about my limp when you last saw me, but that is how I got it. I nearly died and I did not call for you. Would you have wanted me to?”
She was silent a long time, but her expression had become less confrontational, less cold. “I-I don’t know,” she admitted. “As you say, our relationship has never been a happy one. Perhaps it would have been hypocritical to come only because you were…did you really almost die?”
He nodded slowly. “I did. And someone who helped me recover pointed out that I’d been running from my life. We both know why. Perhaps it’s time I stop.”
She stiffened. When Willowby had died, she had wanted Lucas to take his place, to accept the role he hadn’t earned. They’d had a terrible row about his decision to abandon that post. Even now he could see she was still interested in him doing his duty. To save face, perhaps. To make up for something. Whatever the reason, it made her lean forward in interest.
“You wish to take your father’s place?” she asked.
He flinched. “Willowby’s place, yes. But if I want to stop running, I need your help.”
She swallowed hard. “How?”
“Was it an affair?” he asked.
She turned her face, her cheeks growing pink. “You cannot ask me such impertinent things.”
Her harsh tone was back and he recoiled from it. It reminded him of too many times he’d heard it. Too many times he’d felt it cut him like a knife. Even now, it still stung.
“You act as though I had some part in your decisions,” he said. “I only suffered from them. Are you really so cold as to say that I don’t deserve to understand why you did what you did when it changed everything about my life?”
She glared at him and folded her arms. He drew in a long breath. Part of him wanted to keep pushing, but that was the emotional part. Perhaps it was time to treat this like an interrogation with a reluctant suspect. And the best way to do that was often to do…nothing.
He settled back in his chair, holding her stare evenly and said nothing. Time ticked by between them and he saw her grow uncomfortable. Saw her shift. Saw her blush.
