Diana faced her. “Of course Emma, Meg, Adelaide and Charlotte are wonderful. And it’s clear they all are darlings of Society. All the women watch them, and I heard three ladies discussing the cut of Charlotte’s gown a moment ago. She makes fashion. But…”
“But?” Helena encouraged her.
“Is it enough?”
“Why would it not be?” Helena asked, her tone very gentle.
Diana sighed. “Well, they’ve been watching me tonight, as well. Frowning. Talking behind their fans. Glaring at me. Would your circle be enough?”
Helena nodded slowly. “I understand those feelings. When Baldwin and I announced our engagement, there were women who gave me the cut direct. I won’t say it wasn’t hurtful or uncomfortable. But if you love him, I can also tell you that it is more than enough.”
Diana froze. There were those words again, but this time they were spoken from another person’s lips. They felt so much more alive. “I suppose the more important issue is if he loves…well, in theory it would be me.”
“In theory?” Helena tilted her head.
Diana couldn’t look at her. “We are speaking in hypotheticals, after all. We have to.”
“Very well. In hypotheticals, I see the way he looks at you. It isn’t just desire in his stare. It’s caring. Concern. His face lights up when you’re near. He’s…alive. From an outsider’s perspective, that is very much like love. But what about you?”
“If I were to feel such a thing for him,” she said slowly. “It would feel like being woken up after a very long sleep. Like finding a half that I hadn’t realized I was missing. But not a half that smothers or takes over the whole. Something that can allow itself to be separate, too.”
Helena swallowed hard, her eyes now sparkling with tears despite her smile. “That is a very apt description. One that I think fits all in our circle. To find someone who both completes you and can allow you to be free, that is a rare thing. One that you should,hypothetically, not throw away out of fears that you won’t fit into his world. If you fit into his life, that is all that matters. At least you should tell him your heart and give him a chance to refuse or accept it.”
Diana’s aforementioned heart leapt at that suggestion. To tell Lucas these feelings, that was courting disaster. And yet she knew Helena was correct. If she walked away without doing so, she feared she would live with that regret forever.
And she knew something hard and sharp and painful about living with regrets.
She looked across the room again. Lucas had left the side of his friends and now crossed the chamber to Stalwood. The two men shook hands and then talked with their heads close together for a moment. Lucas nodded, glanced over his shoulder, and then the two men exited the room together.
She refocused her attention on the case and smiled at Helena. “You’ve given me much food for thought. I think I’ll take a moment and ponder it.”
Helena leaned in and surprised Diana by pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. “In truth, I may be selfish. You and I could help each other, too, to find our way through this world. If I can do anything to help, please come to me.”
“I will,” Diana assured her before she slipped away to follow the men from the room.
She would have to face the truths that Helena had offered up to her. That was clear. But for now, she had to focus on the case that had brought Lucas to her. Perhaps once that was resolved, the future they could share…or not…would be clearer.
At least she hoped it would be. Because her heart was already deeply involved, and she didn’t look forward to losing it if Lucas chose to walk away.
Chapter Twenty-One
“You have concerns,” Stalwood said as he motioned Lucas into one of James’s back parlors and shut the door firmly behind them. “I can see them all over your face. Has something happened?”
Lucas shifted. He’d been thinking about this moment for days and dreading it with every fiber of his being. What he was about to say was unthinkable, and a betrayal of the secrets Diana had shared.
And yet there was no way around it. Stalwood needed to know his thoughts. They could save a hundred men. A thousand.
“I do have concerns,” he verified slowly as he moved to the sideboard and poured them each a drink of James’s best scotch. “God, that isn’t the right word for them. Worse than that.”
Stalwood took the offering, but didn’t drink as he continued to stare at Lucas with apprehension clear on his face. “This is about Diana, isn’t it?”
“Diana?” he repeated in surprise.
Stalwood nodded. “You’ve already told me things that worry me. She is a beautiful woman, not to mention clever and kind. You have a charisma that is hard to deny. Perhaps I was a fool to place you two into the same environment and not think that nature would run its course.”
He blinked. Stalwood was mentioning indelicacies, dancing around the subject of their affair because it was obvious. Too obvious to anyone who knew him, who knew her. And yet he didn’t fear it. He didn’t regret it, even if he should. And it wasn’t the subject he wanted to discuss at present.
“No, it isn’t Diana that brings me concern,” he said. He shook his head. “That isn’t entirely true. Let me explain.”
