Lucas stared at him. “You guessed?”
Matthew shrugged. “It’s something that’s been bandied about over the years as a reason one would separate himself from people who care for him, yes. And since you had been in service, since you were very secretive about leaving it…everything added up.”
Simon nodded his agreement. “Yes, but it is one thing to joke about spies and another to know one. You aren’t in jest, are you?”
“No.” Lucas sighed and was shocked at how heavy a weight had been lifted from his shoulders through his confession. “I was recruited by the War Department during my time as an officer. And I…I loved it. I loved the investigating, I loved feeling like I was truly helping my country. Like I was…worth something.”
Simon jerked his face toward Lucas. “You were always worth something.”
Lucas walked away. He wasn’t going to get into all his secrets. Not today. Not ever if he had anything to say about it. “Either way, that is where I’ve been these past few years. I didn’t want to endanger anyone else with my life. But half a year ago, I was injured by a traitor to our cause. A spy turned…I don’t know what to call him. Double agent?”
Matthew’s eyes widened. “My God.”
“I nearly died,” he admitted softly. He’d tried to avoid those words whenever possible, avoid the fear that thinking them engendered, but there it was. He had never felt he had much to live for, he’d always guessed he might die in the service of his country…but to truly face death? That was something very different.
Simon sank into the settee. “That’s why you have the limp.”
Lucas nodded. “Yes. A few weeks ago, I was turned over to…to Diana. Her father was a War Department surgeon, and he died the day I was attacked. She has some of his skill and every other physician had done nothing but make it worse.”
“So she isn’t your mistress,” Matthew said.
Simon’s lips turned up in a half grin. “Oh, I think she is. The spark between you is far too obvious.”
Lucas bent his head. “I should not pursue whatever is between us. But you saw her. She is stunning and that is the least of her qualities. She is so very clever and challenging and has a deep strength and goodness that I could not match if I put every effort into the attempt.”
Simon drew back. “Are you in love with her?”
Lucas froze at the question. At the reaction to the question that made his heart throb and the voice in his mind screamyes!
He pushed that voice away. Pushed that physical sensation away. Loving her? That was impossible, not matter how true it felt. No matter how much it made him dream of a life he had turned away from long ago.
“She is helping me,” he said softly. “To heal and to investigate what happened to me that day.”
“You’re still investigating?” Matthew asked. “Despite the injuries?”
“I am. And she’s had some keen insights that have helped me. And troubled me.” He thought of the doubts that had begun to enter his mind about her father and pushed those away with all the other emotions he’d stifled since his friends arrived.
Matthew gripped his hands before him, and his frustration was clear. “What if we could help?”
Lucas shook his head. “No. I cannot say much about it. It’s secret and it’s dangerous. I won’t expose any of you to such a risk. Especially considering how much you all have to lose now.”
Simon stiffened, and Lucas could see he was thinking of Meg and the child she carried. From the protective hardness that came over his friend’s face, Lucas had no doubt he would die to keep her safe if need be. He would not risk her or himself if he didn’t have to.
A fact that relieved him greatly, for he didn’t want to have to argue the point.
“So we cannot all become spies, as we dreamed as boys,” Simon said. “But that doesn’t answer the question of how you want our help.”
Lucas sighed. “My superiors and I have come to the conclusion that this man, this traitor in our ranks, might be flushed out if he saw me return to Society. His fears of what I might remember could drive him to make mistakes. And drive him to reveal himself without meaning to do so.”
Matthew pushed to his feet. “You want to be bait.”
Lucas almost laughed. “That seems to be the consensus of everyone who hears the plan. Yes, I will be the bait in a trap that could bring a murderer to justice. But I have not been in Society for years. I wondered if you might be persuaded to help…reintroduce me?”
Simon and Matthew exchanged a look, and then Matthew shrugged. “I’m certain that could be arranged under one condition.”
“What is that?” Lucas asked.
Simon folded his arms. “Once you’re back in the flock, you won’t leave again. No more running. Not from your friends. Not from whatever pushed you away from your future in the first place.”
