Baldwin shook his head. “I’m not making fucking sport of her, I assure you. If I had any other choice, I would—” He cut himself off because if he said it out loud, he’d buckle beneath it.
Tyndale stared at him. “Youcan’tmarry her.”
Baldwin paced away. “No.”
“Why? And don’t fucking change the subject or lie to me. I’ve had enough of it.”
Baldwin pivoted. He and Matthew and Ewan had all been very close as boys. The cousins had accepted him like their long-lost brother, and he’d counted on them so many times during the years, outside of their relationship in their club.
And now he looked at Matthew and all he wanted to do was confess. The desire pulsed up inside of him, hard to ignore thanks to the raw emotion that snapped through him.
“Please,” Matthew said, softer and gentler. “Let me help you.”
Baldwin bent his head. There was no denying this anymore. He had to tell Matthew the truth. And so…he did.
The words poured from him, an explanation of bad debts and worse decisions, of his father’s failings and his own. Of the missing parts of his ledger, the debts that had been purchased behind his back and the fear that accompanied all those awful facts.
He talked for half an hour and Matthew said nothing. He just stared, wide-eyed, until Baldwin collapsed into the nearest chair, spent from confession and heavy with fear at what his friend’s reaction would be.
“And now you know it all.”
Matthew got up and poured the drink he had refused at the beginning. He drank half of it before he said, “Am I the only one?”
Baldwin cleared his throat. “No. She knows.”
“She.” Matthew arched a brow. “Helena.”
Baldwin nodded slowly. “I had to…explain why I couldn’t pursue her.”
Matthew shut his eyes. “I see. And what did she say?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “She’s so bloody accustomed to being treated no better than a dog that she accepted it. Sheclaimsto understand it. It’s even how we ended up in the position that I would be kissing her in the parlor.”
“So you’ll kiss her and do…whatever else you’ve done,” Matthew said, his voice low and angry. Baldwin flinched. “But you will not marry her.”
“Ican’t. I know you must judge me for all my mistakes.”
“No, not for your mistakes,” Matthew snapped. “Anyone could have gone down the path you did. I can totally understand how you might have come to this point. What I judge you for is loving this woman, for it is obvious that you do love her, and that you would walk away from that like it’s nothing.”
Baldwin got up and moved on him. “Trust me, it is not nothing. It’s—”
He broke off and tried to turn away, but Matthew caught his arm and wrenched him back in place. “What is it?”
“Complicated,” Baldwin said softly.
Matthew released him, horror passing over his features. He backed away, step by step, and stared at Baldwin like he had never seen him before. The expression made Baldwin’s heart hurt.
“Complicated,” Matthew repeated, his voice empty. “No,complicatedis having the woman you loved buried in the ground because of something you did.Complicatedis watching her die and not being able to do anything about it.Complicatedis having your future taken from you and yet everyone expects you to move on like it never existed.Thatis complicated. What you’re doing? That’s not complicated. It’s cowardly.”
Baldwin ducked his head. He had no response, after all. Matthew wasn’t wrong.
“I’m sorry.”
Matthew shrugged. “Right now you certainly are. So you’ll just walk away then. Let her go.”
“I must, even though I fear what will happen when she’s no longer under my protection.”
Matthew’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”
