“Yes,” she whispered. “I tried once before I married. He wouldn’t let me. And I’ve told him now, as well. There is nothing else I can do. When I go back to London, I’ll reenter the marriage mart. I must. So if Ewan does not wish to have a future with me, then all he must do is wait and at some point the potential for our future will vanish on its own.”
Matthew turned toward her. “I’m sorry, Charlotte. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. The circumstances are very different, but the pain is real. If I could shake some sense into him, I would.”
“But you can’t,” she said. “Now it is up to him, isn’t it? To love or not to love. That is the question.”
“And a question he must answer on his own.” Matthew sighed and glanced over his shoulder. “It looks like my mother has coaxed him back to the fold.”
Charlotte faced the parlor windows and caught her breath. Aunt Mary and Ewan were back, and he and Baldwin had begun to shift the parlor furniture so they could display their shadow animals on the wall across from the bright yule log.
Life, it seemed, would go on. Aching heart or not.
“We should go in then,” she said.
Matthew nodded and motioned for her to lead the way. “Charlotte,” he said as she grasped the handle to the door to return to the others.
She faced him. “Yes?”
“He’s a fool if he lets you go.”
“Thank you, Matthew.”
Then she went back inside, a false smile plastered on her face and her heart heavy as lead.
Chapter Fifteen
Charlotte came down the stairs and smiled at the silence that greeted her. There were no bustling servants cleaning in the halls or rushing to offer her assistance. Boxing Day had come, and she was pleased Ewan honored the tradition of offering his household a day off en masse.
She entered the breakfast room and found a spread laid out on the sideboard. The presentation was not quite as lovely as it normally was and the selections were clearly left over from the previous day and night’s food. But her mouth still watered.
She greeted her mother and brother, who were already seated, their plates loaded with food.
“It was a lovely Christmas, wasn’t it?” Baldwin asked as he got to his feet and reached out a hand to Charlotte.
She squeezed it and patted her mother’s shoulder before moving to the sideboard. “It was, indeed. The vicar’s presentation was lovely and I do so appreciate my new slippers, Mama, and the journal, Baldwin.”
She began to load her plate but hadn’t gotten very far before Ewan entered the room, followed by Matthew and Aunt Mary.
“Good morning!” the duchess called out. “How did I do with the spread?”
“You did perfectly,” Charlotte said with a laugh. She did not mention that the coffee looked terribly tepid. She merely poured tea instead and then moved to the table. As she passed by Ewan, she said, “Good morning.”
His gaze rolled over her and her body reacted of its own accord. She had gone decades without his touch, but now two days was too much.
“Good morning,” he signed, and then turned away, leaving her to go to the table and situate herself next to her mother.
The others sat, as well, and for a little while they were a merry group, discussing music and books. Charlotte couldn’t help but think of how easy it all was. How easy it would be to live like this forever.
If only Ewan would allow it.
But at last their plates were empty and Aunt Mary leaned back in her seat with a happy sigh. “Your cook really is the very best, Ewan. Even her leftovers are divine.”
He nodded and his warm smile reflected how much he adored Mrs. Winkle and all his staff. “Did you already give them your gifts for Boxing Day?” Charlotte asked.
“Yes,” he signed. “The household staff was given their things early today so they could go be with their families.”
She translated to the others and his aunt smiled. “You are still planning to go out to the tenants just after breakfast, aren’t you?”
He nodded. Aunt Mary smiled at Charlotte. “I hear you have some things for the children.”
