But today it felt like a loss.
Perhaps because she already loved him. And she had a sneaking suspicion that marrying him would only make those feelings grow rather than fade over time. She would be in love alone.
“I announced our engagement in public, Emma, and thwarted your father’s plans in the most dramatic way,” he said, taking her hand. “And then you fainted. The stir caused by both our actions cannot be understated. Undoing it would only make things worse for both of us, but especially you. You would be in danger from Sir Archibald and your father even more than you were before.”
“So you will not change your mind?” she whispered.
His gaze flickered away, and for a brief moment she thought she saw hurt in his stare, but then it was gone. Buried, if it had ever existed.
“Icannot,” he corrected her gently. “We are going to marry, Emma. And because I do not trust your father, I think we’d better make it sooner rather than later.”
Chapter Eighteen
James walked into the billiard room and straight to the sideboard, where he poured himself a full tumbler of scotch. He took a long sip, feeling the burn down his throat as he fought to find breath.
He was engaged. It was finished. Tonight it would be solidified completely when the planned ball was turned into an engagement celebration after some hasty arrangements from his sister.
He wasengaged.
“Drink all that this early and you will be no good at the ball tonight.”
James turned to find Graham, Simon, Sheffield, Brighthollow and Roseford entering the room. Simon reached behind him to shut the door and all five men simply stared at James with equally intense expressions on their face. The emotions were different, though. Graham and Simon both looked concerned, Brighthollow and Roseford looked horrified, and Sheffield was pale as paper.
“Well, don’t all congratulate me at once,” James muttered, setting aside the liquor.
“Do you wish to be congratulated?” Brighthollow asked, eyebrow arching.
James sighed. Hugh had never been a believer in love. He could be hard. And Roseford was little better. He believed in passion and nothing else. The two of themwouldbe horrified that he’d been caught in a web by a lady, of course.
“I am marrying,” he said, the words surprising him even though he’d been the one to ensure they were true. “It is tradition.”
“Congratulations,” Roseford said softly, but it didn’t exactly sound sincere.
“I still don’t fully understand how it happened,” Simon said, stepping up to clap a hand on James’s arm. “Meg was talking so fast when she found me, it took her the entire ride back to the estate just to make it clear.”
Graham jerked his face toward Simon. “Meg?”
Simon didn’t look at their friend, but kept his gaze trained on James. “Yes. Late this morning she found me riding around the estate to tell me the news.”
Graham didn’t look pleased at that, but he said nothing else about the matter except, “I’m not sure what there is to explain, Crestwood. James is marrying Miss Liston in order to save her from the unfortunate match her father made. What else is to be said?”
“I have to say, I never pegged you as the man to save a woman through marriage,” Roseford chuckled. “That’s more Simon’s speed.”
Simon ignored the playful jab, keeping his attention on his search of James’s face. “Saving someone is well and good and noble. But the question to be asked is if youwantto marry her. Do you?”
James felt like there was a fist in his stomach and it was opening, filling him up, stretching him uncomfortably. A great part of him considered marriage and wanted to bolt into the night and never return. Another part considered marriage with Emma and wanted to curl into her in a way that felt just as dangerous.
He wasn’t certain which reaction was more terrifying.
“It is happening, and as quickly as I can arrange it,” he said. “Wantno longer comes into the equation.”
“He is right,” Sheffield said softly, and there was a wistful tone to his voice and to the expression on his face. “Even men like us, men with power, sometimes have little choice in our future. Society and situation dictate us all. It is the way of our world whether or not we wish to accept it.”
“Jesus, Sheffield,” Brighthollow said with a shake of his head. “Be a little more maudlin.”
Sheffield glared at him, but then he smiled weakly at James. “I’m not trying to sound dire. The fact is, Miss Liston doesn’t seem the worst sort you could marry. No one can pretend you don’t seem to like her.”
James bent his head.Likeher. What a benign term for what boiled inside of him whenever he was within ten feet of Emma. It was need and want and passion, yes, and all those things he could have accepted and even reveled in.
