Graham shut his eyes, thinking once again of Sir Archibald’s broken face the previous night. Feeling the thud of flesh on flesh in his sore knuckles even now. His stomach turned.
“You asked if it’s fair to Adelaide,” he said, forcing the subject change without any finesse. “I know it isn’t. I do like her, James, I want you to know I’m not playing a game with her. She isn’t like anyone I’ve ever known before. I find myself wanting to peel away all those layers she puts up between herself and the world. But then there’s Lydia, and I’ve already given her secrets I never even told you or Simon.”
James leaned back in surprise. “I see. Do you think there’s a future with the actress?”
Graham drew in a long, ragged breath. When he pictured a future, he couldn’t conceive of it without Lydia. But then again, he also had a hard time picturing it without Adelaide.
“If you take so long to answer, I can see what you don’t want to say,” James said. “I don’t know Adelaide very well yet, but I know from everything Emma has said that she deserves better than half a heart. If you feel such a deep connection to Lydia, I think you ought to—”
He broke off and Graham shook his head. “Tell me, I want to know.”
“I’m afraid you won’t like it,” James responded slowly.
“Well, Simon isn’t here to soften the blow,” Graham said with a small smile. “So say it quickly and perhaps it will sting less.”
“I think you ought to let Adelaide go,” James said firmly.
Graham could hardly breathe at the thought, even though he knew James was right. Even though he only spoke the absolute truth.
“Your Graces?” Both men turned as James’s butler entered the billiard room. As James nodded, the man continued, “The Duchess and Lady Adelaide have both decided to retire to bed early. Her Grace says to tell you to stay up as long as you’d like, Your Grace.”
Graham sent a side glance at James. From the shift in his expression, Graham could see his friend wanted to join his wife. The certainty on Abernathe’s face made Graham’s chest tighten. He wished he knew what he desired so clearly.
“Thank you,” James said. “You may also finish your duties and go to bed. I’ll make sure the doors are locked after Northfield leaves.”
The butler nodded and left the two men alone. James smiled at him. “It seems we have a long night available to us if you’d like to talk.”
Graham laughed despite himself. “No, I don’t require a governess tonight, though I appreciate the offer. I would like to say one thing before I tell you to go to your bed and let me show myself out.”
James nodded. “Of course.”
“The situation is untenable, and I know you’re right that I shouldn’t toy with a woman like Adelaide. Nor a woman like Lydia. Still, they have given me a gift.”
“And what is that?”
“I understand more what Simon…went through,” he admitted slowly. “Wanting what he felt he couldn’t have, loving what he knew he shouldn’t. I can see how his desperation could have led him to do something. How he could have been willing to trade anything not to lose Meg.”
James’s jaw twitched a little. “If that is what you’ve gotten from your current predicament, then I cannot be sorry. I hope that means one day you can talk to Simon, forgive him even. Our world is not the same without you.”
Graham stiffened. “I’m here.”
James shook his head. “You’re not really. Not the way it used to be. Perhaps that’s too much to hope for, but I still do.”
Graham nodded. In truth, as time passed, he had begun to wish for how things used to be too. It might not be fully possible with all they’d gone through. But he knew that avoiding the situation wasn’t going to change it. “I will speak to Simon when I’m ready, I promise you.”
James slapped his arm again. “Can you show yourself out?”
He smiled. “I can. I’m sure Grimble hasn’t gone to bed and I can convince him to lock up behind me. I’ll talk to you again soon.”
James grinned and left the room, Graham trailing behind him. While his friend turned right toward the stairs, Graham maneuvered left, down the long and winding halls that led to the foyer. But as he turned in a bend, he slowed his gait. The library door was open a crack and there was a sliver of light peeking out from the space, leaving a beam in the hallway. He edged toward it, his heart rate increasing because he knew instinctively what he would find in that room.
He also knew he should walk past it.
But he didn’t.
Adelaide’s bare foot tapped beneath her gown, and she looked up at the shelves of books without seeing any of them. God, how she was distracted. She hadn’t even had the focus enough to ring for Rebecca to help her undress. All she could think about was Graham, Graham,Graham.
Graham, shame filling his face when Emma noticed the bruising on his knuckles.
