Cheapening her.
“She has secrets,” he said instead. “I feel them. And I know that she’s also doing something that isn’t exactly safe, so I feel this desire to protect her.”
Ewan’s expression softened and he nodded as he wrote,“You would, though.”
Graham flinched. Only a handful of his friends knew the truth of his past. James, Simon…Ewan. And Kit, who had once kept Graham from actually murdering his own father. But every time he was reminded that someone had a glimpse into his true soul, it made him uncomfortable.
Ewan seemed to sense his reluctance to continue that line of discussion and scribbled,“Who is the other woman who has your attention?”
He sighed. “It’s, er, Lady Adelaide. She’s the daughter of the late Earl of Longford. Emma’s good friend.”
Ewan just stared at him, making no move to write anything at all. Graham shifted as the silence stretched out. Then Ewan very slowly and deliberately wrote,“The wallflower.Youwant a wallflower?”
Graham ground his teeth. “First, you should talk, duke who never goes to a damned party. If there was ever a male wallflower, it’syou.”
Ewan glared at him, but waved him to continue.
“And the fact is, she is more than just that silly label.” He got up and paced away from Ewan. “She’s intelligent and direct. To a fault with both. She wears her hair too tight and I’m not even sure she needs those spectacles that block her eyes so you’re not really certain what’s going on in her mind.”
Talking about her made him picture her and his gut tightened as he continued, “She’s a wonderful dancer though she never does it, which makes her too like me. She’s frustrating beyond measure because sometimes I feel she is willfully misunderstanding me. She’s not my type, you’re right about that. She’s not my type, though to be honest, I really don’t know what my ‘type’ is anymore. Regardless of all that I…likeher. And if I’m honest with myself, I want her.”
He sank back into his chair and let the full effect of that statement hit him. He’d spent a powerful night making love to Lydia, and yet less than forty-eight hours later he could admit that he wanted Adelaide, as well.
He liked both of them. He desired both of them. And that was highly uncomfortable. After all, he had been suffering the past few months because of a betrayal of loyalty. But where was the loyalty in these complicated feelings that now brewed inside of him?
“That is a pickle,”Ewan wrote, summarizing Graham’s issue in one rather dismissive line.
Graham nearly threw the notepad back at him. “So helpful, Donburrow, really. That clears it up, I’ll just go about my business.”
Ewan was laughing now, a rare act that shook his body even if it was noiseless and brightened his usually somber face.“I’m sorry,”he wrote, his handwriting shaky from his humor.“What do you wish me to say?”
“Tell me what to do?” Graham said with a shake of his head. “You’re so much bloody smarter than the rest of us put together, you must have a thought.”
Ewan’s expression changed, just a flash of emotion before he smoothed it away. He was still a moment, then he wrote, “Connection isn’t the place where I’m particularly clever, but it seems to me that you are missing pieces in your relationship with each of these women. With Lydia, you don’t know her secrets. Her true personality or life. And with Adelaide she keeps you at a distance physically. Like the glasses you say she wears that she doesn’t need. A barrier, yes? A line she won’t let you cross?”
“You reallyarethe smartest of us,” Graham muttered. “Yes, I think that’s it. There is a boundary between each of us. Are you suggesting that I cross those boundaries with each woman?”
Ewan nodded.
“And what happens if I still want both of them?” he asked as he tried to picture kissing Adelaide the same way he kissed Lydia. Finding he could do it quite easily and hating himself for it.
Ewan shrugged. “Then come back and we’ll talk about it some more.”
Graham bent his head. He’d spent his life, at least his life up until the past few months, always being certain of what he did. Now he wasn’t certain of anything.
And he wasn’t sure if that was freeing or horrifying. He would likely have to decide before he approached either woman again.
Chapter Ten
Adelaide stepped from the stage and handed off the prop sword that had been her character’s demise to Toby. He took it with a brief smile and said, “You’ve flowers that came during the show again. That duke does seem to like you.”
Adelaide returned his smile, but her stomach dropped with the mention of Graham. He might very well have sent her flowers. She would not have put it past him. But he’d made no effort to speak to her in nearly a week, not as Lydia nor as Adelaide. She’d looked for him at each of her performances and she’d sought him out in various ballrooms since, but he was not to be found.
And she had a horrible sense of loss at that thought. One that made her frown draw down as she entered her dressing room and shut the door behind her. Her head ached, her makeup made her skin feel stretched and she just wanted to go home to her bed.
The offending flowers were sitting on her table waiting for her. Hot house roses, thick with scent and bright with happy color. They almost mocked her as she stared at them with their note that simply readTo Lydia, From G.
She glanced in the mirror as she sank into the seat to remove her makeup. She looked as drawn as she felt, and she hesitated as she stared at herself.
