He cocked his head. “I never knew love until I met my friends. That was brotherhood and acceptance. And I was afraid to lose it. And honestly…” He trailed off and then shook his head. “Bloody hell, this is difficult to say.”
She took his hands and squeezed gently. “Just say it.”
He nodded. “What if I risked it, Meg? What if I had leaned in and kissed you and told you everything in my heart? And then you’d…hated me for it. Andthey’dhated me for it. I was terrified I’d lose everything that I held dear and end up alone again.”
She flinched. “So you didn’t try.”
“No,” he said with a sigh. “I didn’t try. It was cowardly of me.”
She watched him carefully, his drawn face, his torn expression. She had always loved Simon for his ability to make light of difficult situations. For the way he acted as peacemaker when it was needed. In truth, that made then very alike.
So alike that neither of them had tried for more, even when they both desperately wanted it. Wanted each other.
She pushed to her feet and smiled down at him. “Come.”
He wrinkled his brow. “You don’t want to eat?”
“After.”
“After what?” he asked, his tone wary as he got to his feet.
She laughed. “It is one of the last warm days in the fall and that lake will soon be too cold to swim in. I always wanted to do it, but was discouraged once I was a young woman. Not appropriate, they said.”
His eyes went wide. “You want to swim in the lake with me.”
She nodded, then turned her back to him. “Unfasten me, will you?”
There was a beat of hesitation, then she felt his hands sliding across her shoulders, to the buttons along the back of her habit. When he’d loosened her, she shed it, along with the plain shift dress beneath, leaving her in only her chemise. When she turned, he’d already stripped out of his shirt and unfastened his trousers, which now slung low on defined hips.
He smiled at her. “Having second thoughts?”
She thought on that question. It felt like it contained more power to it than just a teasing question about going into the lake. She held out her hand and shook her head. “No.”
He laughed as he kicked out of his trousers and she caught her breath at the sight of him, naked. It had been several days since the last time she saw him like this. Made love to him. Now all she could do was stare and marvel at his physical perfection. All that muscle, all that taut skin stretching across it. God, he was perfect.
When she bit her lip, his cock hardened and she jerked her gaze to his face to find him staring at her expectantly. “Swim or something else?” he asked, teasing and seductive all at once.
She slipped her chemise off so she was as naked as he was, and reveled in the way his pupils dilated with need. Her breath short, she moved closer and brushed her lips against his neck. “Both.”
He chuckled low in his throat, then surprised her by sweeping her into his arms and carrying her into the water. He tossed her in and she squealed in pleasure as she hit the cool water and submerged. When she paddled to the surface, he was waiting for her, already wet, his hair slicked back from where he’d dunked himself.
She splashed him as she laughed and he dove in her direction. She backstroked away just as swiftly, kicking as she laughed in a way she hadn’t allowed herself to do for years.
“Little minx,” he sputtered as she hit him square in the face with a wave of water. He lunged and caught her ankle, dragging her toward him.
She wrapped her arms around his neck as he flattened her to his chest, and suddenly her laughter faded. So did his. They bobbed together, her wet breasts pressing against his chest, his cock making itself known in the space between their bodies.
“I missed you,” he whispered.
She smiled. “I’ve been here all along.”
He shook his head. “But I haven’t. I admit that. All those years, we became such good friends, and I loved that. But I also pushed you further and further away because I knew you’d be taken from me. It became a habit to distance myself.”
“To protect yourself,” she suggested softly.
“Yes, I suppose so. And since we wed, I’ve done it even more. Out of some sense of guilt and disappointment in myself. But also out of fear that you would stop loving me. That I would let you down if you got too close. And I’ve missed my best friend.”
“Graham?” she murmured, her heart throbbing at all these things he said and admitted.
