Idlewood arched a brow. “When the Duke of Abernathe finds out you were attacking his sister, your invitations to many events are going to disappear. I assume you’ll need to tell your mother why. Now run along.”
Miss Carlton’s lips pressed together tightly and then she turned and walked across the room. Meg let out the breath she hadn’t even known she was holding and glanced up at Idlewood.
“Thank you,” she said. “For coming to my aid.”
He looked down at her, and there was still a dismissive air to him as he sniffed, “I could not allow the sister of one of my closest friends to be spoken to in that manner.”
Meg swallowed. “Even if you agree with the words being said?”
Idlewood’s jaw went tense and he stared off into the crowd. She realized he was looking at Simon, and there was regret on his face.
“I, unlike Miss Carlton, recognize the situation is far more complicated than a mere compromising position.” He shook his head slowly. “Are you going to tell Abernathe what she said to you? If you won’t, I will.”
Meg’s lips parted. “I appreciate your desire to stand up for me, despite your misgivings about my character. But Miss Carlton is already in a precarious position. You were right when you said that James would be angry if he heard she talked to me like that. I don’t want to be responsible for her losing any chances in Society.”
Idlewood’s brow wrinkled. “You’d let it pass?”
She nodded. “I would. I do. She…liked Simon. I certainly cannot blame her for that. Desperation makes people do things they might regret later.”
She glanced once more at Simon and found he was looking back at her at last. She was drawn in immediately. How many times had he stared at her across how many rooms just like this? And she had stared back, telling herself that he only saw her in friendship, that her own feelings were just fleeting foolishness that would fade if she tried to ignore them hard enough.
None of that had been true. Now she understood better. Now she saw the longing in Simon’s eyes, she felt it calling back to him from herself. She realized it had always been that way, their souls reaching out toward each other from whatever distance was between them. Her heart ached at the thought of it, of what they’d almost lost, of what they’d had to sacrifice. And it ached because she wasn’t certain Simon would ever allow himself to be happy because of that sacrifice.
“You do not deserve censure,” Idlewood said softly.
She looked up at him once more, surprised by his words and the gentler tone with which he said them. “No?”
“As I said, it is more complicated, isn’t it?”
She nodded and then motioned her head toward Simon. “And what about him? Doeshedeserve censure?”
Idlewood lowered his gaze. “Did Crestwood tell you about our encounter in the billiard room?”
She stiffened. “Simon has not spoken to me tonight. I had no idea you’d had some kind of argument. But I have eyes—I can see how you look at me, at him. There are sides being taken here, aren’t there, in your circle of friends? Andyouare separating yourself from Simon.”
“There were other ways for what has happened to happen,” Idlewood said. “Ways that would have been less damaging. But—”
He cut himself off and Meg stepped closer. “But?”
“Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so harsh to him. Crestwood is abusing himself enough for both of us. For all of us.”
Meg winced. Yes, that was exactly what he was doing. Punishing himself for what he had done, for who he had betrayed. She looked at Simon again and found he was still watching her. And in that moment, she knew what she had to do. Reach out to him because he did not feel worthy of doing it first.
He needed comfort and she wanted to comfort him.
“Thank you again, Lord Idlewood,” she said with a smile. “Will you excuse me?”
He nodded once and she left him, her heart racing as she moved across the floor toward her future, her best friend, her destiny. And prayed that he would let her in, even a little, and give her hope that they could someday be happy together.
Chapter Twelve
Simon knew he shouldn’t stare at Meg across the room, but he couldn’t help it. He’d never been able to stop himself. Now, though, she stood with Christopher, and from their expressions it was obvious they were engaged in a serious conversation.
After Kit’s anger in the billiard room, Simon could only imagine what was being said. And he deserved all of it. His heart lurched as Meg said something to the earl, then began to come across the room toward him.
Simon had spent years telling himself to resist this woman. But how could he when she glided through the crowd, her gaze focused solely on him? She was beautiful beyond his capacity for description. And she was his. But only because he had stolen her out from under someone he loved like a brother. Because despite whatever else had happened, hedidlove Graham.
But he loved Margaret more. That had been all that mattered in the end. That had guided all his selfishness.
