He gritted his teeth. “So that no one else could take you away. So that nothing could stop what is going to happen.”
She was silent, her expression stunned by the confession he hadn’t wanted to make to himself, let alone to her. The confession that he was little better than a thief who had come last night…and tonight.
“I have altered both our worlds, Meg,” he said softly. “And in the process I have destroyed a great many people I care for. All because I wanted you and was willing to do anything to have you.Thatis why I hate myself. That is why I don’t deserve happiness. Not while I have made so many others suffer for my selfishness.”
He moved toward the door.
“You’re leaving?” she asked.
He froze, hand at the door, and sighed. “We are not married yet, Meg. I-I don’t belong here.” With great difficulty, he left the room, left her. And as he shut the door and leaned on it in the hallway, he whispered, “I never did.”
Meg stifled a yawn and forced a smile as Emma poured her a cup of tea. “Thank you.”
“Unless you want something stronger,” Emma said, sitting down beside her and resting a hand gently on her stomach. Meg’s smile grew more real as she did, for she knew that Emma’s pregnancy was a great joy to her brother and his wife.
At least there was that, though she couldn’t imagine all this strain was good for Emma or the child.
“I’m fine. You should worry about you,” Meg said, reaching out to cover her hand and smiling as she felt Emma’s tiny belly beneath. No one except those who had been told would know yet.
“I’m not worried about me, I’m wonderful,” Emma reassured her. “But since your mother has not yet joined us for the planning for this final ball, I wonder if there’s anything you’d like to discuss with me. Is there any way I can help?”
Meg got up and paced away. She couldn’t help but think of the previous night. Of Simon’s body against hers, inside of hers, of all the pleasure she had experienced.
Just before he walked out the door.
She sent a side glance at Emma and found her friend waiting, quiet but expectant. She opened her mouth, but couldn’t find the words.
She blushed. “Will I be allowed to join the others tonight?”
Emma got to her feet with a gasp. “Dearest, you aren’t imprisoned. Great Lord, James and I only thought you might need a break from prying eyes and loud whispers. I know you haven’t had much of one with all the visitors to your door—”
Meg jolted at that statement and the memories of Simon at her door. But Emma was unaware and continued talking.
“—but of course you will join the group for supper tonight. And we’ll all lift our chins and have a brave face. Isn’t that what you told me not that long ago when I was confronting a humiliating experience?”
Meg smiled. “Your father trying to arrange a terrible marriage for you and James’s interference aren’t exactly the same things as what Simon and I have done.” She sighed. “Perhaps Simon is right that we deserve punishment. I’ve hurt our family, after all.”
Emma shook her head. “Neither of you deserves punishment. And this final ball is to prove that our family supports the union, Meg. Which we do. James and Ifullysupport you.”
Meg blinked back the tears that suddenly stung her eyes. Of course James and Emma supported her. James had always been willing to do anything to protect her, including the engagement to Graham that had started this mess all those years ago. And Emma was patently incapable of doing anything but be sympathetic and loving. It didn’t change that both of them were being swept up in the wake of this scandal, even if Emma refused to acknowledge that fact.
Before Meg could say more, though, her mother strolled into the room. Meg turned toward her with a frown. The dowager looked fine to any casual observer, but Meg was not that. There were shadows beneath her mother’s eyes and a glazed look to her that meant one thing: she was hungover. A usual occurrence.
Emma sent Meg a supportive look, for she knew just as well as Meg the damage the dowager could do, and moved to the door to welcome her.
“There you are,” Emma said with a broad smile. “Just in time, for we were only beginning to talk about the final ball of the party. Meg’s engagement ball.”
The dowager sent Meg a brief look, and Meg shifted beneath her regard. Her mother was often hard to read, thanks to her emotions being blunted by alcohol. Today, though, she saw worry in the dowager’s eyes. Perhaps even judgment.
And if she had earned the judgment of a woman who often had to be snuck out of parties so she didn’t make a scene, how far Meg had fallen, indeed.
“I think the most important thing is that we act like this is the first ball we’ve ever held in honor of Meg’s engagement,” the dowager said, moving to pour herself tea and drinking deeply before she continued, “If anyone is so uncouth as to mention the Duke of Northridge, we move on as if his name was never mentioned.”
Meg frowned. “Graham is…was…such a good friend to both James and Simon. And we were engaged for so long, Mother. I don’t know that pretending he doesn’t exist will help.”
Her mother arched a brow. “The young man left here in order to protect you all in some way, did he not?”
Meg wrinkled forehead as she thought of Graham’s hasty and angry departure. At the time, she wasn’t certain he was thinking of her or Simon in any kind of protective way. But then again, if he’d stayed it only would have caused larger rumblings. More to stare at and analyze.
