Thiswas a subject they had never addressed. What could she say once the deed was done, after all? But now he had opened the door, most unexpectedly, and she decided to take a deep breath and walk through it.
“Why did you?” she asked, thinking back to the blunt words between James and Simon earlier. James’s accusations about Simon’s behavior. She flinched.
He ran a hand through his hair. “God, Meg, I was so new at being duke. I worried every moment of every day that I’d fail.”
“Like Father claimed you would,” she whispered, reaching across to take his hand.
He nodded and the pain of the past flitted across his face. She had not seen that reflection in months. His relationship with Emma had tempered it greatly.
“I didn’t care if I cocked it up for myself,” he continued. “At that point, I was ready to run the title into the ground just to destroy the only thing that bastard ever truly loved. But I had you to think of. If I failed, you would be hurt, even destroyed. I didn’t want that. A marriage…” He trailed off.
She sighed, for she understood what he didn’t say. “A marriage would keep me safe. Especially one to a powerful duke. An old friend.”
“That was exactly my thinking. I was so wrapped up in how it would help you that I didn’t ever think of the harm it might do.”
She ignored that statement for a moment and examined him closely. “And why did you pick Graham rather than Simon? Or any of your other friends, for that matter. You certainly had a plethora of dukes to pick from in your arrangements.”
“A gaggle,” he said with a soft smile. “Emma says a group of dukes is a gaggle.”
She grinned despite the situation. “Well, Emma is always right. But I want to know the answer to my question.”
He nodded. “You deserve it. I never considered anyone but Simon or Graham when the idea struck me. We were the closest of our group. But Simon—” He stopped and she froze, knowing he was thinking of the things he had said. Things he wouldn’t say to her out of respect for her innocence.
“What?” she pressed, wanting to hear him say those things.
But he didn’t. “I though Graham would be the steadier choice.” He looked out the window, and she could see they were almost back to the house now. Without the rain and with his best mounts leading the carriages, it was a much quicker return. “Meg, I’m so very sorry.”
“Oh Jamie, I know you only ever wanted what was best for me,” she whispered, tears escaping when she tried to hold them back. “And I should have told you a long time ago that I-I—”
He pressed his lips together. “Are you in love with Simon?”
She nodded, relieved she didn’t have to say those words to him. She searched his face, looking for his disappointment or his censure. But there was none. He only looked heartbroken. For her. But also for the friendships that had been destroyed in one stormy night.
She had done that.
The carriage stopped and James reached out to wipe a tear from her cheek. “Well, my dearest, you may get your wish and have Simon.”
Her eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
He leaned back and stared at her. “If it were only us, our friends, who found you…but we weren’t. Baxton and Graham rode back ahead, and the viscount has probably already started spreading the worst version of what was seen today at the cottage. It is so big a scandal—”
Her lips parted. “Graham will not want to continue the engagement. Not that I can blame him. He was so very angry.”
James nodded. “It is the betrayal, I think. Simon’s.”
She bent her head. The idea that her engagement to Graham would end and that she might end up with Simon instead had long been a dream of hers. But now it was a nightmare because of the actions that had brought them here.
“Oh God, James, the cost.”
He smiled, trying to be reassuring, she thought, but failing. “We will have plenty of time to count the cost, Meg,” he said as the carriage door opened and he stepped down. He reached back in to help her and squeezed her hand gently as she gave it to him. “For now, come. There will be a gauntlet. Your disappearance with Simon was quite the talk last night. I would not be surprised if most of the house is not up to wait to see what the outcome will be. Baxton and Graham’s return will have only made that worse.”
She lifted her chin as she exited the vehicle, and as she cast her gaze up to the house she found James’s warning was a prescient one. Almost every window that overlooked the drive had a face peering from it.
Her heart sank as she took her brother’s arm and let him lead her up the stairs. As they entered the foyer, she jolted. Emma was waiting there, and her pale face lit up as she rushed to embrace Meg.
“We were so worried,” Emma whispered close to her ear.
“I’m sorry,” Meg all but sobbed. “I’m so, so sorry.”
