Griffin swallowed hard.Therewas the reason for Aaron’s withdrawal. Letty, who loved them both so desperately. Letty, who had suffered at both their hands because of their secrets. Just as he had when he returned to the ball last night, he found himself examining her face more closely, trying to find the scars those actions had left behind. She hid them well.
And he should know, being an expert at hiding.
Her expression wavered slightly when he didn’t respond to her greeting for far too long. “Are you well?”
He shook off his thoughts and reached out to squeeze her hand gently. “Of course. Just realizing I don’t often stay up so late, nor dance nearly so much as I did last night.”
She patted his arm, accepting his excuse, then returned to the table to take her place next to Jack. Griffin filled his plate, despite the fact that he wasn’t hungry in the slightest, and took the last remaining place at the table between his mother and a portly father of one of the eligible young ladies she was attempting to feed him to.
“Good morning, darling,” Mrs. Merrick said.
“Good morning, Mama,” he said, working hard to keep his mind on matters at hand and not stare like a moonfaced fool at Aaron down the table. “I trust you slept well.”
“I did,” she said with a bright smile. “When I left last night, you were still dancing, which pleased me greatly.”
Griffin ducked his head. Oh yes, he had danced. When he returned to the party, so tight with anger and disappointment, he had thrown himself into the duty of dancing with three different women, as his mother desired. And three had turned to five, then ten. He had likely danced with every young woman in attendance.
Like it was penance.
Only his soul didn’t feel particularly cleansed. His feet just hurt.
“Well, I know my reluctance is a difficulty for you,” he said, forcing himself to take a bite of his food and chew its sawdust consistency slowly.
“Not a difficulty,” she corrected, looking at him with kindness, gentleness, love. “I only wish for you to be happy. I know you’re a young man yet, with time to settle down. But with your father gone, I realize it is hard for you. A partner in your life might make it easier.”
Griffin stared at her in wonder. His parents were not like the Woodleys, despite his father and the late Lord Woodley being brothers. They weren’t warm and welcoming and overflowing with love. They’d been more traditional parents, more distant and proper, both with each other and with their children.
So to hear Mrs. Merrick speak to him of her hopes for his future was a surprise.
“I would very much like that kind of partner, Mama,” he said, and he meant it. How he would love to find the kind of bond that Letty had with Jack. But for him that felt…impossible. Especially considering last night. “But it isn’t so very easy, is it?”
There was a flutter to his mother’s face and she bent her head. “No, I suppose it isn’t. But we’ll keep looking, won’t we? Keep trying.”
He forced the same smile that had been so difficult a moment ago. It was no less so now as he lied, “Of course. I’ll keep looking.”
She seemed appeased by that and turned her attention to the lady on her opposite side. They began to chat and Griffin went back to his food. But her words sank in. They had meaning, even if it wasn’t the kind she hoped for.
There was only one person with whom who he knew he could share the kind of partnership she described. Aaron had already offered to help Griffin as he shuffled through the difficult and complicated mess his father had left behind in his estates. Griffin could easily picture them unknotting the thorny tendrils of his duty together and afterward sharing a drink and a laugh and a kiss like the one last night.
They would be well matched, and he knew it. He allowed himself to glance down the table at Aaron and found him staring back. Griffin held the gaze evenly, almost daring Aaron to look away.
At last he did, and Griffin shook his head. He wanted Aaron so much—not just his body, but something more. And yet it was clear that would be impossible because of the past, because of the present, because of a future that wouldn’t allow them to entangle their lives.
It was so bloody unfair.
Letty rose from her place at the end of the table as the servants cleared away the rest of the dishes, and smiled at the group. “This morning Claire and I have devised a little fun for everyone.”
Jack laughed. “Tell War that.”
She waved her hand at him. “Stop. We have put together a scavenger hunt. Around the estate, we have hidden two treasures. One for the men, one for the women. Once we all take the walk up to the main house, we shall pair off and go on the hunt. First pair to win shares the prize.”
The room was filled with chattering and laughter as everyone rose and servants began to come with gloves and hats and shawls.
Griffin sighed at the cacophony of sound. No doubt he would be paired with some eligible miss, his mother’s and sister’s not-so-subtle attempt to wed him off. He would spend the afternoon smiling and holding her hand and feel absolutely nothing. It seemed an unfair exercise for them both.
But he got to his feet and accepted his gloves, which he shoved in his pocket rather than put on. He felt constricted enough right now, he didn’t need more layers of fabric to add to the sensation.
He trailed after the group as they piled onto the drive and began to short walk up the hill toward the Woodley manor. It was his cousin Edward’s home, of course, but his aunt Susanna and her current husband, Mr. Jed Gray, lived in it now. Yet another blissfully happy couple.
