And that was the source of the dread, after all. Knowing he had hurt her so badly in the past. Her kindness was a balm and a burn at once.
Swiftly he turned his horse away from the houses and down the hill toward the lake he knew was there. He needed a few minutes more before he had to smile at Letty and shake hands with Jack and see in their eyes that they knew the truth of him.
So few people did that their knowing made him uncomfortable.
He reached the lakeside in less than five minutes and slung himself off his horse. The animal wandered off to munch on the long grass around the water’s edge, and Aaron shut his eyes and took a deep breath of the warm summer air.
But if he hoped to be calmed by the action, he was sorely disappointed. For before he could sink into the breath, before he could settle into it and find some kind of peace, there was a sound behind him. A voice. A voice that made his eyes come open.
“Mr. Condit?”
He didn’t have to look to know the owner of that voice. He’d known Letty’s brother Griffin would be here for the party. Griffin was yet another part of the reason for Aaron’s hesitation at approaching the house. But nowhewas here.
Slowly he faced the man, but no matter how he braced himself, he couldn’t hold back the shudder that worked through him when he looked at Griffin. He was beautiful. With thick, dark hair that was just a touch too long, and his perfectly tailored and always dark and somber coats and waists and shiny shoes, he was a bit like a fallen angel.
Aaron knew Griffin’s secret. He knew they shared an attraction to men. At first Aaron had been shocked when he saw him at one of the clubs that catered to such inclinations. After all, Griffin was Letty’s brother, and though in the past Aaron had certainly noticed the way Griffin filled out his clothes, he’d always dismissed those thoughts.
Once he’d seen him at the Wild Boar Club in London, those thoughts had taken wing. He’d found himself staring at Griffin’s mouth and wondering what it would be like to kiss it. At Griffin’s broad shoulders, at his firm backside.
But the fantasies could come to nothing. Letty obviously didn’t know her brother’s leanings. If she did, it would likely break her heart after all she’d endured. Aaron had been a part of that once, he refused to do it a second time.
He stepped forward with a formal nod of his head. “Mr. Merrick. Letty said you would be here.”
Griffin was smiling. It was such a fetching smile. A little crooked, and it revealed dimples in his cheeks. Aaron found himself wanting to step toward him, to trace that smile with his fingertip, then with his own lips.
Instead, he cleared his throat. “I hope your travels were uneventful.”
Griffin’s mouth continued to smile, but some of the light went out of his eyes. “My travels. Are we to talk about the roads and the weather, then?”
“Is there something else we should be discussing, Mr. Merrick?” Aaron asked, his tone slightly sharper than it should have been.
Griffin shrugged. “I suppose not. There never seems to be. My travels were fine, Mr. Condit. My mother and I came in the carriage from London and found the roads quite dry. You rode your horse and I assume found the same.”
Aaron pursed his lips. He was the one who had broached the subject, but now he was annoyed by the response. “How are things coming along with your father’s estate?”
That topic was far more intimate and he was rewarded by a softening of Griffin’s expression. Sadness entered his eyes, trepidation. “It has been nearly a year and it is still difficult to accept that he is gone. His estates and holdings are somewhat complicated.”
Aaron did step forward now, telling himself it was only to hear better. A lie. When he did, he caught a brief whiff of Griffin’s skin. He smelled of pine and clean man. There was a wild moment when he wanted to bury his nose in the crook of his neck and pull Griffin flush against him.
“H-how so?” he asked instead, trying desperately to retain his focus on matters at hand.
Griffin watched him a moment, pupils dilated as if he had read Aaron’s wicked thoughts. “Father’s holdings and investments are spread across nine counties, and it seems he didn’t trust any one person, for there are six different managers.”
Aaron pushed aside his desire with more ease. “Is there a reason?”
“Apparently at some point about twenty years ago, someone swindled him and he reacted by never again letting one person touch it all.” Griffin sighed. “But I don’t think this system of his works better.”
“I could help you,” Aaron offered. The moment the words left his mouth, he wished he could take them back. Yes, hecouldhelp. He was a solicitor and had managed thorny estate business dozens of times in the fifteen years he had held that profession.
But offering Griffin help meant they would see each other more often. See each other in more than just passing in a club or in odd circumstances like this party. It was a bad idea.
Yet Griffin smiled again. Relief washed over his face. “Would you?” he asked. “That would be splendid. I actually have some information here, and I could send for more if you don’t mind taking some time during the party.”
Aaron swallowed hard. His mind was conjuring images of the two of them standing over a desk. His hand resting on Griffin’s back. Sliding lower.
“Mr. Condit?” Griffin said, tilting his head.
“Yes,” Aaron burst out. “That—that would be fine.” He moved toward his horse before Griffin could say more. “We—Ishould go back up to the house so I can say my hellos.”
