“I must,” Griffin insisted. “Bloody hell, Aaron, you must know that I care for you. I more than merely care. I want that connection you’ve described. I want love.”
Aaron shook his head slowly, and once again he wouldn’t meet Griffin’s eyes. “Well, I’m not the one.”
Griffin swallowed hard, barely managing past the lump in his throat. “You may be the only one.”
Aaron lifted his gaze, and in that moment Griffin saw all the love, all the fear, all the pain inside him. And he knew that Aaron would walk away, regardless of what his heart wanted. Maybebecauseof what it wanted.
And his own heart broke.
“I’m sorry,” Aaron muttered, then turned and walked away for a second time that morning. Only this time, Griffin let him go.
This time, he recognized that there was nothing he could do to stop him.
Chapter Six
Griffin sat in the window seat in one of the parlors, looking out at the rainy afternoon. There was the soft click of the door shutting and he turned to find Letty standing at the entrance, leaning against the barrier as she watched him.
“Weren’t you hosting whist or some such thing?” Griffin asked.
“Yes, it’s a riotous game, I assure you,” she said with a wide smile.
He tried to return it as best he could. “Mama is enjoying herself.”
“She is. But there were enough players, so I thought I’d come look foryou,” Letty said, crossing the room to him at last and reaching out to take his hand. “You have not been yourself for two days, Griffin.”
Griffin pursed his lips and turned his face so she wouldn’t see his pain. Two days. Well, that marked the time exactly. Two days ago he’d been standing at the lake’s edge with Aaron, his feelings rejected. And while he understood Aaron’s reasons, the result stung no less.
“Perhaps I’m catching some affliction. I’ve heard told illness is common at gatherings,” he said.
She sat down next to him. “It’s more than that and I know it. Won’t you talk to me?”
Griffin hesitated for a moment, then shook his head. “There is nothing to say, nor anything you can do for me. I just need…need…”
“What?” she encouraged him when he trailed off.
“I need to leave,” he whispered.
She drew back, her eyes widening. “What?”
He nodded slowly. He’d been thinking of this very thing for a while now. Once it had been said out loud, his path was very clear. Going back to London, not being forced to look Aaron in the face every day—that was the best thing to overcome this pain.
“I don’t want to ruin your gathering and I don’t think I can muster any pleasure in it, Letty. But I came with Mama, and I don’t want to—”
Letty lifted a hand. “Jack and War would be happy to provide you with a mount if you must leave, and one of the Woodley cousins would likely happily ride in the carriage with Mama back to London if you were to depart.Thatisn’t my concern. Why do you feel you must go?”
He sighed. He would never tell her the whole truth, especially now that he was aware of what she’d gone through with her late husband. But he did say, “I just don’t belong here, Letty.”
Her lips pursed and she cleared her throat. “Aaron has also been acting oddly in the past few days. Did you have a row?”
Griffin tensed. Here he had been thinking only of his own pain in Aaron’s rejection, but now Letty’s words focused him. Aaron had been afraid that she would find out and be hurt by any relationship between them. He’d told Griffin over and over that Letty would see if they weren’t careful, that Letty would know.
And here she was, staring Griffin right in the eye, and it seemed Aaron’s predictions were coming true. His feelings for Aaron were superseded by brotherly love as he shook his head.
“Mr. Condit and I don’t know each other well enough for a row,” he said, trying to make his tone distant, disinterested.
Letty arched a brow. “No? It seemed like you were becoming…friends.”
Griffin pushed to his feet. “Well, we weren’t,” he said. “Now, you mentioned that War and Jack might give me a mount. Should I speak to them about it?”
