Asher shook his head as he climbed into the carriage next to Felicity. Dane shut the door, gave him one final small salute, and the vehicle began to move, taking them away from the terrifying events of that day. But toward a foggy future.
One he wasn’t certain could be resolved, no matter what Dane said about it. No matter what he, himself, wanted more than anything else in the world.
Some things weren’t meant to be. And he feared he and Felicity were one of them.
Chapter Nineteen
“Are you well?”
Felicity looked across the carriage to find Asher staring at her, concern in his eyes. She forced a smile. “You ask me? You were the one who was injured because of me, threatened because of me.”
“You were the one with a gun to your head,” he said softly, his voice cracking ever so slightly. “I was terrified when he had you. Absolutely terrified.”
Her eyes went wide at that admission. Most men didn’t own their fear, didn’t claim it, even in the worst of situations. “But I’m fine.”
“Are you?” he asked, reaching out to touch her hand. His fingers were warm and strong against her flesh and she shivered as she took in some of his strength, some of his support.
Even if she knew it was fleeting.
“I don’t know what to feel,” she admitted. “Happy, of course, that this is over, but look at all the damage I’ve done. To my late husband’s family, to my own…to you.”
He drew a deep breath and leaned even closer, making her think of those stolen, passionate moments in this same carriage not so long ago. But this time, he didn’t seem driven to pleasure her. The look in his eyes was far more intense than that. Far more terrifying.
“Felicity, I would have died for you if it were required. Without a second thought. You understand that, don’t you?”
She caught her breath as her love for him washed over her in hard, insistent waves. But that love had always been colored by desperation, scarred with disappointment, tinged with loss. She didn’t know how to feel the love without the rest.
All she knew was that today had made her realize she couldn’t live in fear anymore. She had to say exactly what she meant, what she felt, she had to be brave. Otherwise, she would surely lose this man again and this time there would be no going back.
She caught her breath. “H-how can I understand that, Asher? How can I when I’ve…I’ve always loved you. And I’ve also never known what I meant to you in return.”
His face twisted with emotion, pain and surprise, passion and love, but also reluctance. The last was what had always kept them apart.
“I’m going to ask you,” she continued. “What am I to you, Asher Seyton?”
Her hands shook in her lap as she awaited his response. For what felt like forever he simply stared at her. Then he let out a long, heavy sigh and sank back against his seat.
“Everything,” he said. “You are everything and you always have been. I left because…because…”
“Because your father intervened?” she said when he seemed to be searching for words. “Was that all it took?”
“No,” he said. “My fatherdidconfront me the night I kissed you, as I already told you. And I suppose it was in some ways because of him that I left. But not for the reasons you think.”
She rested her head back in exhaustion. “You are speaking in riddles. Can you not just tell me?”
He shifted. “It wasn’t my father who saw us on the terrace that night, Felicity.”
She drew back. “Then…then who? Another servant who told?”
“No,” he said, his voice soft. “It was your mother.”
She straightened up slightly, gaping at him in confusion. “My—my mother?”
He nodded. “Yes,” he said. “She went to my father, livid, and told him what she’d seen. When I was confronted that night, it was bybothof them. My fatherdidremind me of my place, but it was your mother who demanded I leave. She gave me two options. Leave with an education she would pay for, or leave with my father in tow, and no references. But either way, leave.”
His words crushed through her and for a moment she couldn’t remember how to breathe. She stared at Asher, picturing that night in her mind, imagining how awful it must have been for him.
She didn’t want to believe her flighty, well-meaning mother could be so cruel. She didn’t want to think her own mother could destroy her dreams without a second thought.
