Felicity pushed to her feet and paced away. “I don’t wantanyoneto know what I did.”
God,Asherwould know what she did. He would look at her with the same pity and horror that her family had when the truth came out just a few weeks before. He would judge her and that light she’d always seen in his eyes would go out.
Not that that light had truly meant anything. It was obvious the feelings she’d experienced were only one-sided. Kiss or no kiss, she meant nothing to him and never had.
She couldn’t forget that.
“It sounds as though he might be able to help us, though,” Rosalinde said.
Felicity bent her head. “Even though we were in financial straits, our father made arrangements before his death to ensure Asher’s education was paid for. And I may not have seen him for a very long time, but I do know he’s become a highly sought after solicitor and financial advisor to those with titles. Stenfax is likely right that his experience could…help me.”
Rosalinde’s face brightened. “Then it is a risk we must take, isn’t it? And I’m sure he will not judge you as harshly as you still judge yourself.”
Felicity bit her lip as she turned away. Rosalinde just didn’t understand. Yes, she feared Asher’s judgment for what she’d done. But more than that, she feared the emotions seeing him could very well stir in her when she saw him. Things she knew were dangerous and foolish. Things she had to guard herself from at all costs.
Before she could answer, there was another knock at her door and she turned toward it with exasperation. “It’s like Hyde Park at the peak riding time. Yes?”
The door opened and Elise revealed herself in the hallway. Felicity’s stomach dropped. While Rosalinde didn’t fully understand the situation, Elise did. After all, she had run around with their family as children. She and Felicity had been best friends. Elise very likely remembered everything Felicity had told her about her feelings for the man who would now descend upon their house and rip apart the shell she’d built to protect herself.
“May I have a moment with Felicity?” Elise said softly.
Rosalinde glanced between the two women and then nodded. “Of course.”
She left the room swiftly and Elise stepped inside, shutting the door and leaning on it as she stared at Felicity.
“Still?” she said at last.
Felicity shut her eyes briefly. She knew exactly what her friend meant by that one-word question. “Yes,” she admitted. “Always. Even when I tried to forget.”
Elise let out a long sigh. “I see. Well, perhaps his coming will not be so bad as it seems. After all, Stenfax and I were reunited not so very long ago and look how it turned out. The past can be overcome, Felicity, no matter how dark it seems.”
Felicity caught her breath. “What if I don’twantto overcome it?”
Her friend’s eyes went wide. “What—what do you mean?”
“Asher broke my heart,” Felicity said, her voice trembling. “And I reacted so poorly, so foolishly, that I hurtled myself directly into the arms of a man who controlled, abused and tried to murder me. Clearly, the kinds of feelings Asher inspires are dangerous.”
“You were very young,” Elise whispered.
Felicity shrugged. “Perhaps. But I am not very young now and six years later, I still feel that ache when I even consider the man. That phantom pain, like someone took a limb from my body.”
Elise nodded slowly. “I understand that.”
Felicity felt hot blood rush to her cheeks. “I cannot afford to be weak, Elise. Not ever again. So if he comes here, there will be no reconciliation or overcoming a past.”
“There is noifabout it,” Elise said. “Stenfax has arranged it. Itishappening.”
Two reactions coursed through Felicity’s body at the verification of what she already knew would happen. The first was abject terror. Facing this man and all he had meant to her, letting him see the tender underbelly of her secret…that was horrible.
But the second feeling was worse. Excitement worked through her veins, making her heart flutter in anticipation and her body shake with the same.
She pushed both aside at once, hardening her heart as she had trained herself to do over the past six years of loss and abuse and fear.
“There is no talking Stenfax out of this?” Felicity asked softly.
Elise shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“And when will Asher be here?”
